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Advice for Moms Advice for Moms

Family Problems

Posted by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 1:46 AM
  • 39 Replies

I absolutly with all my heart dislike my step dad. Long story and don't feel like explaining, but I have told him that I will not have contact with him and he will not EVER see me again. He's just not very nice and I refuse to put myself around him when I know I will only be hurt afterwards. Him and my mom have been together for six years (married for one) and since they've gotten together we have had tons of ups and downs and I refuse to try to fix it anymore. Now I refuse to go to family functions because I cannot stand him AT ALL. I feel very bad because my mother is in the middle, but she puts him first no matter what so I feel like since she doesn't take up for me EVER that it's partly her fault to. I just need advice, I am so stressed and I feel it's affecting my ability to take care of my child on my own. My MIL and FIL help me out tremendoulsy but I just feel like it's not their place and I should be doing it myself. Anyone ever been in a situation like this?

by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 1:46 AM
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Replies (1-10):
lilmama8408
by Silver Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 1:51 AM
I cut my entire family out. My dh and raise our kids on our own. His family doesn't live close enough to really help. Dh works full time and is in college I stay home.
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TaygansMommy
by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 1:55 AM

 I honestly feel like that would be best for me. How did you do it? I just feel so guilty! :( Maybe I am to nice sometimes or think about it to much. I just cannot stand being hurt anymore. We actually live in my MIL and FIL's basement so they help out any chance they get. I also stay at home and DH works full time.


Quoting lilmama8408:

I cut my entire family out. My dh and raise our kids on our own. His family doesn't live close enough to really help. Dh works full time and is in college I stay home.


 

Mrsfarr
by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 2:10 AM
Have you had a conversation with your mother to explain how you feel and maybe point out that "it seems like" she's on his side rather than yours. I use quotes because A: she may not realize she's doing this; and B: it's less accusatory than coming out and telling her she's on his side and it may avoid an argument.
As for your in-laws, your baby is their grandchild too so they're probably excited to help out. Unless they seem bitter about doing things to help, I'd let them continue to do so.
Good luck, sweetie, I hope things get better for you soon.
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lilmama8408
by Silver Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 3:16 AM
I just stopped contact after numerous times explaining how I felt. The final straw was dhs life was threatened, they tried to break into my home, asked my then 3yr old to open his window for them, and called cps on me.

I blocked them on fb, changed my #, ect. But most of them live in another state. I also got a no tresspassing for those in state


Quoting TaygansMommy:

 I honestly feel like that would be best for me. How did you do it? I just feel so guilty! :( Maybe I am to nice sometimes or think about it to much. I just cannot stand being hurt anymore. We actually live in my MIL and FIL's basement so they help out any chance they get. I also stay at home and DH works full time.




Quoting lilmama8408:

I cut my entire family out. My dh and raise our kids on our own. His family doesn't live close enough to really help. Dh works full time and is in college I stay home.



 

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frndlyfn
by Platinum Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 3:54 AM

Have you tried family counseling so that all can talk as adults with a neutral party there to blow whistle if things do get out of control?  I do not like my mom's husband at all either due to how i was treated growing up.   My mom comes out to see dd by herself usually since it is most comfortable for us.  

JoeMax
by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 8:45 AM
I have a similar situation with my dad. He has always been abusive and for years I tried to maintain a superficial relationship with him. After starting therapy I realized I just despise him and can not be anywhere near him. He couldn't take a hint and kept trying to force a relationship and finally my dhstepped up and told him point blank that we would not take his calls, accept mail or allow him at our home. It was a hard decision to make and carry out, but my family is happier now because I am not anxious and fearful of my dad. If it is better without your step dad in your life, don't hesitate, set your boundary and stick with it.
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Bleacheddecay
by Gold Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 12:10 PM
1 mom liked this

Try counseling. Try to feel good about making a healthy choice for you instead of guilty.

DaniandTom
by Bronze Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 12:17 PM
1 mom liked this

Let your mom know how you feel and that when she take his side, you feel abandoned by her. Don't beat her up for it, but let her know it's hurting you. Let her also know that you don't want your stepfather in your life anymore and because of that, you won't be attending any family functions he will be at and if she wants to see your kids, she'll have to do so without him around. It's YOUR life, YOUR kids, YOUR decision. No one else gets to decide or try to force a decision on you. You're the adult here. Toxic people need to be eliminated from your life for you to be happy. So he's out! :)

Lindalou907
by Silver Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 12:46 PM

Can't you just go and not have any contact with him? Like arrange ahead of time that you won't be speaking to each other? I have a divorced friend who does that with her ex whenever there is a family function they just act like the other doesn't exist. Or would he not respect that plan?

la_bella_vita
by Gold Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 12:58 PM

 You could try counseling. I limited contact with my step-father. I would literally pretend he was not there. We would not speak to one another. Maybe not healthy but I didn't have children at the time.

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