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getting hubby to help with the baby..

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since we brought Christian home in october, its mostly been myself doing everything for him. feeding him, changing diapers, getting up in the middle of the night with him, everything. we both work full time, and he goes to daycare full time. i ask him to help and its like i have to nag for him to hel me. we have fough tmulttiple times about it. i know he loves our son, but how do i tell him i need help without nagging him?

by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 2:56 PM
Replies (11-20):
JC2223
by Bronze Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 3:35 PM
3 moms liked this

 Stop asking ans stop nagging. When the baby needs to be changed...hand him a diaper, tell him to change the baby and walk out of the room. If the baby wakes up in the middle of the night, wake up your DH and tell him to take care of it. Did you both discuss parenting expectations before having the baby? It took both of you to make the baby and both of you to care for it and raise it. If you didn't have a clear conversation about what is expected for both parents I highly suggest you do that now. I never had this issue with my DH in any aspect of our relationship because we discuss every situation and go over what is expected before hand. Communication is KEY in all aspects of a relationship and it really helps when dealing with challenges.

Marimaru
by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 4:58 PM
2 moms liked this

I like the "your turn" approach as well.  My husband is pretty helpful but when it gets to be the 5th diaper in a row, I'll tell him it's his turn.  

Or, if you're asking him to do things over and over, next time, ask him and when he says he'll do it say "Okay, when?"  When he gives you a funny look say "I'm just trying to set my expectations, because usually you say you'll do something and then put it off until I get mad and do it myself, and I'm trying to not do that anymore."

atlmom2
by Ruby Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 5:17 PM
My dh didn't help much in the middle of the night, but oldest slept 8 hours a night at a month old. Youngest did at 5 months, but I wasn't working any more. Don't nag. Talk about how you are gonna share. If he is still pissed you got a dh that just doesn't wanna help.
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atlmom2
by Ruby Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 5:18 PM
This, did you talk about this before having a baby?


Quoting JC2223:

 Stop asking ans stop nagging. When the baby needs to be changed...hand him a diaper, tell him to change the baby and walk out of the room. If the baby wakes up in the middle of the night, wake up your DH and tell him to take care of it. Did you both discuss parenting expectations before having the baby? It took both of you to make the baby and both of you to care for it and raise it. If you didn't have a clear conversation about what is expected for both parents I highly suggest you do that now. I never had this issue with my DH in any aspect of our relationship because we discuss every situation and go over what is expected before hand. Communication is KEY in all aspects of a relationship and it really helps when dealing with challenges.


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Bero2007
by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 5:26 PM

Have you talked to him about it? When DS was little we used to try to take turns since we both worked full time and we were both tired. Does he let you get out and have alone time so he's taking care of your DS alone?

MJP76
by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 5:27 PM

Is there a reason why a conversation wasn't had about kids and roles before decided to have kids?

furbabymum
by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 5:30 PM
1 mom liked this

 We bought a calendar. We did 3 on and 2 off. 3 days it was my turn to get up with our DS, 2 it was his. Next week it would be 3 him and 2 me. This is how I wanted to do it so we both had either a saturday or a sunday morning we could sleep in on. We each had a baby monitor on our nightstands and when it was your night you turned it on.

As for everything else I'd walk by and hand him DS and walk off to do what I had to do. As soon as DS started moving about he became more interesting to my DH and now that he's 2 he prefers DH so I get tons of free time. ;)

chelseasills
by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 5:55 PM

our son wasn't planned. we never "decided" to have kids, it just happened. i dont see why a conversation needs to be had about what role we each will have. he knows what i expect from him, he just chooses not to do it. or he will do it when he has to becuase im not around.


Quoting MJP76:

Is there a reason why a conversation wasn't had about kids and roles before decided to have kids?



atlmom2
by Ruby Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 5:58 PM
1 mom liked this
Sounds like you gotta deal. You had 9 months to talk over duties. Guess he doesn't want to.


Quoting chelseasills:

our son wasn't planned. we never "decided" to have kids, it just happened. i dont see why a conversation needs to be had about what role we each will have. he knows what i expect from him, he just chooses not to do it. or he will do it when he has to becuase im not around.



Quoting MJP76:

Is there a reason why a conversation wasn't had about kids and roles before decided to have kids?





Posted on CafeMom Mobile
NoahsMommy10412
by Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 5:58 PM

I know how you feel. My boyfriend helped out at the beginning but now it seems like it's just me doing everything for our son. My boyfriend goes to work and I'm home all day.

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