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getting hubby to help with the baby..

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since we brought Christian home in october, its mostly been myself doing everything for him. feeding him, changing diapers, getting up in the middle of the night with him, everything. we both work full time, and he goes to daycare full time. i ask him to help and its like i have to nag for him to hel me. we have fough tmulttiple times about it. i know he loves our son, but how do i tell him i need help without nagging him?

by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 2:56 PM
Replies (21-30):
chelseasills
by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 6:13 PM

first off, i dont see how taking care of our son as a "duty" a child is not a damn chore, so stop referring to it as such. second, we have had multiple conversations about what i need and expect from him as my husband and a father. does he always do it? no, not always. but does he? yes he does. sometimes it just takes a little bit more to get him to help me. what im trying to get advice on is how do i get him to help everytime i say "hey i need this from you" without getting frustrated with him.

Quoting atlmom2:

Sounds like you gotta deal. You had 9 months to talk over duties. Guess he doesn't want to.


Quoting chelseasills:

our son wasn't planned. we never "decided" to have kids, it just happened. i dont see why a conversation needs to be had about what role we each will have. he knows what i expect from him, he just chooses not to do it. or he will do it when he has to becuase im not around.



Quoting MJP76:

Is there a reason why a conversation wasn't had about kids and roles before decided to have kids?







chelseasills
by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 6:15 PM

its stressful isnt it?


Quoting NoahsMommy10412:

I know how you feel. My boyfriend helped out at the beginning but now it seems like it's just me doing everything for our son. My boyfriend goes to work and I'm home all day.



atlmom2
by Platinum Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 6:22 PM


It isn't but it seems your husband is thinking its a chore.  Not many husbands are gonna help every single time you ask.  You are asking too much.  Been married 28 years.  Good marriage, but I don't jump everytime dh ask and he doesn't either.  That is normal really.  You have have your sites set a little too high if you think everytime you ask he will jump up and run to you.  Not trying to be mean, just realistic.  If you want a happy marriage you can't dwell on the fact he doesn't help every time.  If he helps over 50% of the time, be happy.  Many men don't help 10%. 

Quoting chelseasills:

first off, i dont see how taking care of our son as a "duty" a child is not a damn chore, so stop referring to it as such. second, we have had multiple conversations about what i need and expect from him as my husband and a father. does he always do it? no, not always. but does he? yes he does. sometimes it just takes a little bit more to get him to help me. what im trying to get advice on is how do i get him to help everytime i say "hey i need this from you" without getting frustrated with him.

Quoting atlmom2:

Sounds like you gotta deal. You had 9 months to talk over duties. Guess he doesn't want to.


Quoting chelseasills:

our son wasn't planned. we never "decided" to have kids, it just happened. i dont see why a conversation needs to be had about what role we each will have. he knows what i expect from him, he just chooses not to do it. or he will do it when he has to becuase im not around.



Quoting MJP76:

Is there a reason why a conversation wasn't had about kids and roles before decided to have kids?









AMR320
by Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 6:26 PM
Never had this issue so I don't really know what to tell you other than to sit down and talk with him. Let him know that you made the baby together so you should be caring for him together. There is no reason you should have to ask more than once.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
LoveMommyhood12
by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 6:27 PM
1 mom liked this

I have similar issues with my DH.  If I'm around to do it - he'll let me, without ever offering to help.  The only way I've been able to get him to help out is to basically hand him our DS and say I'm going to go do such and such.

Example: Sunday - I put my DS down for a nap.  My DH went upstairs to nap as well while I vegged out on the couch downstairs.  DS only slept for 45 minutes - and was up crying.  My DH - who is one door down from him never moved.  I had to go upstairs to get him.  As I was going down the stairs - I told my DH he needed to get up and take over so I could get some cleaning done. 

I don't ask.  I just tell him what I need him to do - and when.  He's great with our DS - and LOVES him to death.  But he does not have even a drop of a maternal type of instinct - so I have to be very specific about what he needs to do and when.

Good luck.  It's a battle a lot of us moms have.  I would say talk to him - and see where he's coming from. 

Bieg9093
by Bronze Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 6:30 PM

Just leave.  Tell him "These are the diapers, here's a bottle..." and go.  Don't come back for 3 hours.  Repeat once a week.

Amberleigh81
by Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 6:37 PM
My husband sometimes needs a "kick in the pants" about child care, too. He works out of town M-F, but on the weekends 90% of the work still falls on me. I BF, so some of the care he CAN'T do, but diapers and baths and food he can. I have stopped asking and just telling him "it's time".

"It's time for Wyatt's diaper change" - throw diaper at him.

"It's time for Wyatt's bath" - throw dirty kid at him.

Honestly, men want direct instructions. If I ask, I know it will take me 5-6 times.


Quoting chelseasills:

first off, i dont see how taking care of our son as a "duty" a child is not a damn chore, so stop referring to it as such. second, we have had multiple conversations about what i need and expect from him as my husband and a father. does he always do it? no, not always. but does he? yes he does. sometimes it just takes a little bit more to get him to help me. what im trying to get advice on is how do i get him to help everytime i say "hey i need this from you" without getting frustrated with him.

Quoting atlmom2:

Sounds like you gotta deal. You had 9 months to talk over duties. Guess he doesn't want to.





Quoting chelseasills:

our son wasn't planned. we never "decided" to have kids, it just happened. i dont see why a conversation needs to be had about what role we each will have. he knows what i expect from him, he just chooses not to do it. or he will do it when he has to becuase im not around.




Quoting MJP76:

Is there a reason why a conversation wasn't had about kids and roles before decided to have kids?










Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
MJP76
by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 7:10 PM


Well, because it's really nice if the parents are on the same page before having children. It makes raising children a hell of a lot easier. If parents are on the same page before even deciding or while deciding to have children, it cuts out issues like this one right here that you seem to be having.

Quoting chelseasills:

our son wasn't planned. we never "decided" to have kids, it just happened. i dont see why a conversation needs to be had about what role we each will have. he knows what i expect from him, he just chooses not to do it. or he will do it when he has to becuase im not around.


Quoting MJP76:

Is there a reason why a conversation wasn't had about kids and roles before decided to have kids?





chelseasills
by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 7:18 PM

its not really an issue? we are on the same page, and like i said. he does help. maybe not everytime i ask him but he does. we've have multiple conversations about this. im just trying to come up with different ideas on how to get him to help whenever i say "hey babe can you do this real quick?" without getting a "yeah hold on" and then i just end up doing it because its not getting done when i expect to get done.


Quoting MJP76:


Well, because it's really nice if the parents are on the same page before having children. It makes raising children a hell of a lot easier. If parents are on the same page before even deciding or while deciding to have children, it cuts out issues like this one right here that you seem to be having.

Quoting chelseasills:

our son wasn't planned. we never "decided" to have kids, it just happened. i dont see why a conversation needs to be had about what role we each will have. he knows what i expect from him, he just chooses not to do it. or he will do it when he has to becuase im not around.


Quoting MJP76:

Is there a reason why a conversation wasn't had about kids and roles before decided to have kids?







MJP76
by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 7:23 PM


Well apparently that's just who he is, and no one can change that except for him. I mean you kinda had a clue before having kids that he was that type of person right? He didn't just wake up one day super laid back...

theres really nothing you can do "per se" that's just the type of person he is, and you have to learn to accept it, or not. I mean it sounds like you're already blue in the face from asking.... That's really not going to change, unless he wants to...

Quoting chelseasills:

its not really an issue? we are on the same page, and like i said. he does help. maybe not everytime i ask him but he does. we've have multiple conversations about this. im just trying to come up with different ideas on how to get him to help whenever i say "hey babe can you do this real quick?" without getting a "yeah hold on" and then i just end up doing it because its not getting done when i expect to get done.


Quoting MJP76:


Well, because it's really nice if the parents are on the same page before having children. It makes raising children a hell of a lot easier. If parents are on the same page before even deciding or while deciding to have children, it cuts out issues like this one right here that you seem to be having.

Quoting chelseasills:

our son wasn't planned. we never "decided" to have kids, it just happened. i dont see why a conversation needs to be had about what role we each will have. he knows what i expect from him, he just chooses not to do it. or he will do it when he has to becuase im not around.


Quoting MJP76:

Is there a reason why a conversation wasn't had about kids and roles before decided to have kids?









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