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getting hubby to help with the baby..

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since we brought Christian home in october, its mostly been myself doing everything for him. feeding him, changing diapers, getting up in the middle of the night with him, everything. we both work full time, and he goes to daycare full time. i ask him to help and its like i have to nag for him to hel me. we have fough tmulttiple times about it. i know he loves our son, but how do i tell him i need help without nagging him?

by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 2:56 PM
Replies (41-50):
by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 8:55 PM

My heart goes out for you.  I guess I should feel lucky in that my husband never had to be asked to do something.  He even woke up with me sometimes, grabbed the baby and brought her to me so I could nurse her in the middle of the night *hugs* he's missing out on tender moments of being a Daddy.

by Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 9:20 PM
I've found that in this instance, I have to be explicit about when I need it done. If I just ask or tell him to do something, he will do it whenever he wants to. But if I need the help or to have something done sooner I have to be specific about when.

Quoting chelseasills:

its not really an issue? we are on the same page, and like i said. he does help. maybe not everytime i ask him but he does. we've have multiple conversations about this. im just trying to come up with different ideas on how to get him to help whenever i say "hey babe can you do this real quick?" without getting a "yeah hold on" and then i just end up doing it because its not getting done when i expect to get done.

Quoting MJP76:

Well, because it's really nice if the parents are on the same page before having children. It makes raising children a hell of a lot easier. If parents are on the same page before even deciding or while deciding to have children, it cuts out issues like this one right here that you seem to be having.

Quoting chelseasills:

our son wasn't planned. we never "decided" to have kids, it just happened. i dont see why a conversation needs to be had about what role we each will have. he knows what i expect from him, he just chooses not to do it. or he will do it when he has to becuase im not around.

Quoting MJP76:

Is there a reason why a conversation wasn't had about kids and roles before decided to have kids?

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by Amber on Feb. 11, 2013 at 10:14 PM
Lol right.

I agree they are likely psyching themselves out. Who knows. :)

Quoting opal10161973:

I always thought it was funny that men think that women are just naturally better at taking care of babies, so they step back or out altogether, until the baby is older.  What makes people think that?  I have seen some women who were OBVIOUSLY not one who could be considered a natural at parenting.  Did they figure it out eventually?  Most of the time, but it's like anything else- it takes practice.  It's extremely RARE for a new Mom to just be a WonderMomma.  LOL

Quoting AM-BRAT:


I'm lucky that dh is fabulous now that we're both working- but when we had babies I stated home. I wonder if dh could've handled it then.

Some men are better with kids than BABIES kwim?

Quoting opal10161973:

I would tell him he could either clean the house or take care of the baby- pick one, because I am not doing both.  Or he could do half of each, which would be the better option, IMO.  If he doesn't want to do any of it, then tell him it is time for you to consider WHY you are with him at all.  Make him convince YOU as to why you should stay. 

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by on Feb. 12, 2013 at 12:15 AM

Give him something specific that he can do at that moment to help. I.e. "can you go make a bottle?" 

Telling guys "I need more help" is too vague. YOU have the mama instincts. That is why you feel the need to change, feed and get up with your baby. Guys don't have that. They aren't PROGRAMMED to have that. If you need help you have to tell him in a way that is constructive and something that he can do as you are talking about it. Next time WAKE him up! Say "HEY it's your turn" 

by Member on Feb. 12, 2013 at 12:21 AM

*sigh* I know so many men who do this -.-

You have to stand your ground and not let him get away with being selfish. If I were in your shoes, I would say to him, "All right, we need to reach a compromise... are you willing to help out an equal share with the kids? Or do I need to become a full-time stay at home Mom? And, keep in mind, if we go that second route, we're both really going to have to cut back on things to deal with the loss of income."

by on Feb. 12, 2013 at 12:27 AM
You hand him his son and say could you change him and keep him entertain while I work on dinner? Thanks! And walk away.

I've started his bath water so you can go ahead and get him undressed and bathe him while I work on laundry. Thanks!

This phrasing isn't nagging but has merit and has nothing to do with love.

Yes, he loves his son, but may simply feel it's " your" job. Men don't always know what to do with children before they can have conversations. They may even find them kind of boring on some level.... Just hand him his son and give a direction with a cheery voice and thanks! As you leave the room.
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by Member on Feb. 12, 2013 at 12:41 AM

Forget the nagging.  Just hand him the baby and walk out the door.  He'll figure it out.
by on Feb. 12, 2013 at 5:34 AM
Step 1.
Place baby on his lap

Step 2.
Say you're going for a walk

Step 3.
Go for a walk before he responds

Lol. Jk- kinda.
Honestly, I'm not sure of how to respond. I guess I'm lucky. My Dh just helps- but doesn't view it that way. He sees it as spending time with ds.
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by Bronze Member on Feb. 12, 2013 at 7:03 AM

Simply tell him that you both work full time and if you are to be any good at your job you need a little help at night with the baby. 

It's not like you are a SAHM. You need help. He laid down and helped to create this baby with you, he needs to help you rasie your son.

of course you probably don't want to say it exactly like that

wedding countdown

by on Feb. 12, 2013 at 7:40 AM
Are you a mama who feels like if I have to ask more than once and he doesn't do it then you might as well do it yourself? I am the same way Have a sit down talk with him explain how you feel and see how the 'not helping' situation can be resolved. You didn't make that baby on your own and you shouldn't have to take care of the baby on your own.
Hope that helps :)

Quoting chelseasills:

he never says i nag, but i feel like i am because i ask him 5 or 6 times before i get frustrated and take care of it myself.

Quoting shrinkingviolet:

What types of things are you saying that he is saying you are nagging? And how often?

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