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getting hubby to help with the baby..

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since we brought Christian home in october, its mostly been myself doing everything for him. feeding him, changing diapers, getting up in the middle of the night with him, everything. we both work full time, and he goes to daycare full time. i ask him to help and its like i have to nag for him to hel me. we have fough tmulttiple times about it. i know he loves our son, but how do i tell him i need help without nagging him?

by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 2:56 PM
Replies (91-100):
chelseasills
by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 12:21 AM

the marine corps only gave mine 10 days. me 6 weeks to heal. but even then, it was me.


Quoting katielawlor:

That's really messed up that he won't help you! I just had my daughter a week ago and I'm so thankful for my husband! He helps me out all the time and we take turns getting up with her at night. Last night was his night with the baby he's been asleep all day tho lol. And the army gave him 15 days of paternity leave thank god!



Danielitosmom
by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 12:39 AM

It help me a lot that my in laws told my husband that he had to help me, and from the beggining we took turns, and if you can keep doing the turns because if you start doing everything he is just going to let you do most of it and do as least as he can

DarlaHood
by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 3:24 AM
1 mom liked this

Ask for what you need and don't expect him to be a mind-reader.  Honey, could you please give the baby a bath now while I pack his bag for tomorrow?  That way we can spend some time together because the nightly routine will take less time. 

I really need to have a few nights a week to sleep well, so I can take care of our family.  Can you please get up with the baby on Tuesday and Thursday nights so I can get some good sleep?

Could you change the baby's diaper while I finish getting ready to go?

Clear communication.  Not naggin, and not yelling.  Just letting him know how much you need his help.

sparklelight06
by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 4:57 AM
1 mom liked this

Schedule time for yourself (just and hour or so) where you leave the house and leave the baby with him (with all the necessary instructions).  The sink or swim approach will get him into the swing of things and you will feel much better for having some time to yourself.

daninice
by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 7:15 AM
I have the same issue. Out first daughter is now four and we have twins that are 18 months.
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daninice
by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 7:22 AM
Didn't get to finish my story lol. Anyways he has never helped. Every once in a great while he will but not very often. It really wore on our relationship. I felt like I was always yelling and he could care less how I felt. I started to hate him because I was always doing it. My suggestion. Is sit him down without yelling and screaming no interruptions tell him how you feel how you are just getting tired and ask for him to help you so you you can rest ask for two nights a week where he has to feed change and get up with the baby. That you are going to be out of service and that you just need some time. Trust me even one night will help your sanity. If he will say ok to two you will feel as if you are I. Heaven. It is stressful and you need to remind him that he is a great father but you need the help make sure you but the great father part in the conversation a few times men need to be coddled they are such weak creatures lol.
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atlmom2
by Ruby Member on Feb. 13, 2013 at 8:06 AM
This is different than you said at first. You said he helped some, not as much as you would like. I say you leave him with him. Leave the house and he has to watch him. If he doesn't wanna help, leave him and why did you have a baby wih someone who doesn't want to be a dad???


Quoting chelseasills:

my sons the same way! and then my husband says "he doesnt love me. he hates me"...i look at him i tell him, "its because he doesnt recognize you. if you spent time with him, youd get the same response i get when he sees me."



Quoting MommyO2-6631:

i have the same problem except my son will be 8 months next week and cries when he holds him because the reality is.... he doesn't know him. I do everything for him.





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katielawlor
by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 8:24 AM
[quote name="chelseasills" id="0"][/quote. That sucks that it's just you doin it! And army only gives 10 days but he has 55 days of leave saved up so that's where the extra 5 came from
LadySarah12
by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 8:57 AM
You should not have to ask him
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Momforhealth
by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 9:30 AM

 Tell him how much he is loved and how much baby needs his Daddy. Guys kinda go through a  post pardem depression too because you have become so busy with Baby, the guys tend to feel un-needed and then adapt to it. But you need breaks too.  So yes there is going to be some conflict, baby is used to you, but the more Dad does it, the more they will get used to each other and bond.  So let go a little and realize there will be conflict. Just because baby cries, just realize that it is how baby communicates.  Your baby has Daddy's DNA too and will adapt.   Give Daddy and Baby play time.  Dads are good at the fun stuff.  Bath time or play time, your baby should be starting baby food pretty soon here so have Dad help feed which can be lots of fun, read books, change diapers.  Leave instructions for Dad, and leave after Baby has had a bottle, or have Dad be responsible to pick your baby up from Daycare and do all the duties.  With Men sometimes you have to nag a little.

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