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Advice for Moms Advice for Moms

To what extent do you deal with?

Posted by on Feb. 12, 2013 at 10:04 PM
  • 18 Replies
I am 20 years old with a 5 month old son. I met his father only 8 months before I got pregnant, and decided to raise him together as a family. I love him, but from all the situations we've been through, I can't help but hold grudges and can't move past the issues we've had. I found out he had been hiding a pregnancy with another girl (due 2 months after me) right before the child was born. It is possibly not his but that isn't so mucht he issue, he was still fking around two months after we found out about my pregnancy and right before I moved in with him. I found out he had an online dating website a few months after that claiming he was single and had no children.

Now, months later, he is trying I can tell to hold this together and build trust with me because I do believe that he loves me and his son. I understand that the basis of our relationship was built off the pregnancy and therefore is already a rough start but on trying my best to make it work. He wants this to work but I just can't tell how much is too much. I will try everything in my power to keep from having to split weekends (which is the main reason I don't want to leave) but raising a child in an unhappy relationship has many side affects on it as well.

I just ask, what would you do? What advice could you give me to improve this mess of a relationship/family I have and make it work? What is too much to try and fix?
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by on Feb. 12, 2013 at 10:04 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Bmat
by Barb on Feb. 12, 2013 at 11:39 PM

It sounds as though you could benefit from couples counseling at least, and counseling for yourself, maybe.

Advice is often that you make sure that you can support yourself and child so that you aren't just staying with the guy because of familiarity.

MoeksieNature
by Member on Feb. 13, 2013 at 9:36 AM
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These are questions that you need to answer, we cannot answer this for you. However, peronally you either have to commit to him and wipe the past clean to offer you relationship a good 'new' start. No glancing back and pulling stuff from the past. Come out clean with everything and take it from there.

PLEASE don't ever stay with a man for the sake of your kids. If you do not love him, if you cannot trust him, if he keeps hurting you, hitting youl neglecting you....list goes on... then do what is best for you. A mother needs to look after herself first in order to look after her children. My parents divorced when I was 11. Their relationship was on rocks shortly after I was conceived... I was the only child whose parents were divorced in the 90's and it wasn't easy. But let me tell you this: My Mom was a better person. My dad, looked after us and spent more time with us even if it was only over weekends and holidays. It's not an easy answer, but I'm sure you'll find one that works for you. Good luck Momma.

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EvilAsh
by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 9:41 AM
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I would have left him when I found out he was fucking around on me behind my back and got another girl knocked up. Who's to say he won't do it again or hasn't stopped? 

funhappymom
by Bronze Member on Feb. 13, 2013 at 9:41 AM


Quoting Bmat:

It sounds as though you could benefit from couples counseling at least, and counseling for yourself, maybe.

Advice is often that you make sure that you can support yourself and child so that you aren't just staying with the guy because of familiarity.

I agree with the counseling. It never hurts to get some, even if he won't go with you, go alone.



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atlmom2
by Ruby Member on Feb. 13, 2013 at 9:56 AM
Hindsight is don't have a baby with someone you don't know well. That being said, I would not get over the cheating. I am guessing he knew you were pregnant when he jumped in bed with the other one impregnating her too.
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marisab
by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 10:13 AM

do not try to change anyone ..its either there or its not..try to communicate clearly your wants,his wanyta nd try to compromise

Acid
by Silver Member on Feb. 13, 2013 at 10:15 AM

Well, it's too late now, but I wouldn't have had sex with someone I didn't know.

I definitely wouldn't try to make a family situation with a guy who obviously has little morals, little self respect and none for you at all.

Leave..split weekends and find a guy who isn't a pig.

LoreleiSieja
by Bronze Member on Feb. 13, 2013 at 10:20 AM
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Any relationship can be fixed - if both partners want to work at it.  He sounds like he was very young and scared when he first learned he was going to be a dad.  He was stupid - a more mature man would not have been involved in more than one relationship.  But maybe now he realizes that he has a lot to lose.  I can't answer that.  I'd be afraid that a "tiger doesn't change his stripes" - that once a womanizer, always a womanizer.  Only you can make this decision.  But I would strongly encourage you both to go to couples therapy.  A trained therapist can help him to open up, to talk about his infidelity, and help you to open up about your lack of trust.  A therapist can help you two to build a good relationship with hope for a future.

Bmat
by Barb on Feb. 13, 2013 at 10:23 AM

I have to wonder why he was having unprotected sex with two women at the same time.  This doesn't sound like a winner.

frstldyhmsch
by Member on Feb. 13, 2013 at 11:20 AM

If he's willing to work on the relationship, then counseling is a great idea, but if he's not willing and still doing what he wants, then just call it quits. You're not married to him so that's one less stress.

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