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Advice for Moms Advice for Moms

How do you gently tell someone...

Posted by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 3:07 PM
  • 19 Replies
1 mom liked this
That you're not comfortable with your dd spending the night?

Dd6 was invited to spend the night at a neighbor's, who have a dd the same age. We're fairly new to the neighborhood and were invited to the girl's bday party last week. The mom is really sweet and the girl seems nice, but they live with her mom, who must smoke 2 packs a day and has the mouth of a sailor. The lil girl's mom mentioned that she actually has 4 kids, but this has been the 1st one she's been able to raise....so she has some kind of fishy past, and this baby daddy is in n out of prison.

Simply put, even tho mom & dd are sweet, they're not ppl I'd like to get to know really well, and I'm not comfortable leaving my dd there over night. How do I gently tell her that? We see each other every day at the kids' bus stop, so I don't want to hurt her feelings and things get real awkward.
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by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 3:07 PM
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Replies (1-10):
kirbymom
by Bronze Member on Feb. 13, 2013 at 3:12 PM
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I have had to deal with this for years!  

You just go to them and tell them that since you are new to the neighborhood that you are not comfortable with your daughter spending the night with anyone just yet. That you need to get to know them better before you can just arbitrarily let your daughter have sleep overs.  You also need to let them know that it isn't anything personal against them but you are this way because you take your parenting very seriously and just want to look after your daughter the best that you can. If you find they are not agreeable with you, then you know that you never want your daughter spemding the night over there anyway.  

Quoting luvemboth:

That you're not comfortable with your dd spending the night?

Dd6 was invited to spend the night at a neighbor's, who have a dd the same age. We're fairly new to the neighborhood and were invited to the girl's bday party last week. The mom is really sweet and the girl seems nice, but they live with her mom, who must smoke 2 packs a day and has the mouth of a sailor. The lil girl's mom mentioned that she actually has 4 kids, but this has been the 1st one she's been able to raise....so she has some kind of fishy past, and this baby daddy is in n out of prison.

Simply put, even tho mom & dd are sweet, they're not ppl I'd like to get to know really well, and I'm not comfortable leaving my dd there over night. How do I gently tell her that? We see each other every day at the kids' bus stop, so I don't want to hurt her feelings and things get real awkward.


JTE11
by Bronze Member on Feb. 13, 2013 at 3:15 PM

You didn't say how old your DD is, but you could just tell her that you don't allow her to stay over. Don't lie if that's not the truth but my DD is too young, I don't even let her stay over at the grandparents' houses. Or you could just say that you're too new to the area and you and yoru DD don't know anyone well enough yet. There may be no way for it to not get awkward a little but sometimes you can't avoid it.

gblossom
by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 3:16 PM
2 moms liked this

Fabulous advice!


Quoting kirbymom:

I have had to deal with this for years!  

You just go to them and tell them that since you are new to the neighborhood that you are not comfortable with your daughter spending the night with anyone just yet. That you need to get to know them better before you can just arbitrarily let your daughter have sleep overs.  You also need to let them know that it isn't anything personal against them but you are this way because you take your parenting very seriously and just want to look after your daughter the best that you can. If you find they are not agreeable with you, then you know that you never want your daughter spemding the night over there anyway.  

Quoting luvemboth:

That you're not comfortable with your dd spending the night?

Dd6 was invited to spend the night at a neighbor's, who have a dd the same age. We're fairly new to the neighborhood and were invited to the girl's bday party last week. The mom is really sweet and the girl seems nice, but they live with her mom, who must smoke 2 packs a day and has the mouth of a sailor. The lil girl's mom mentioned that she actually has 4 kids, but this has been the 1st one she's been able to raise....so she has some kind of fishy past, and this baby daddy is in n out of prison.

Simply put, even tho mom & dd are sweet, they're not ppl I'd like to get to know really well, and I'm not comfortable leaving my dd there over night. How do I gently tell her that? We see each other every day at the kids' bus stop, so I don't want to hurt her feelings and things get real awkward.




crwspringer
by Silver Member on Feb. 13, 2013 at 3:17 PM
I would probably say that your dd is not "mature" enough to stay the night yet.
My dd is 6 and she totally isn't ready for an overnight so it wouldn't be an unusual thing to say.
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ladysamanda
by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 3:18 PM

Nope. They could play together...at MY house, but that is it. I don't trust anyone. Period.

rayroe2
by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 3:19 PM

 just say hey I don't want my dd going to your house not against you.

Sunnydayhere
by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 3:20 PM

Ugh! That's a hard one. Whatever you say now, getting to know you better, she is young, etc, can all change in time when your dd is older/you know them better, etc. So, I don't know is my answer. You can't exactly lie if you are neighbors. Honestly though, who in their right mind would want their kid spending the night there?

KimmyShaw
by Member on Feb. 13, 2013 at 3:20 PM

I personally would just say you dont do sleepovers with friends yet....6 is still young.

My DD is 5 and I dont instead of letting her go to another's home but I have had some over at mine.

mereinhart28
by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 3:22 PM

I've had to do this with someone recently. She asked and asked if my daughter could spend the night. I kept saying things like 'we have plans'. Finally I said to her that is was nothing against her, but my daughter doesn't spend the night anywhere except home, that I wasn't ready for that yet. 

breebree04
by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 3:27 PM
1 mom liked this

Ive never had to actually explain myself so unless the mom is pushy I would just say no or I dont think its a good idea and leave it at that. Ive never had a parent ask me why. Ive had my children ask me why and then I explain to them in private my reasonings and let them know that if they are ever asked by the parent or child if they can spend the night to nicely say no Im not allowed and if asked why to say my mom said no.

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