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My mom totally stresses me out. What to do???

Posted by on Feb. 14, 2013 at 4:30 PM
  • 18 Replies

Let me start by saying I am very close with my mom. And she is very close with my 7 year old daughter. But I I now have a 17 month old daughter and for the last couple of months I get so stressed out being around my mom. It's like everything gets under her skin and she stresses about everything! When we all get together with my sister and her two girls (3 & 7 months) she can't handle it. Of course my 17 month old is into everything and her house is not very child proof. There are steps, a glass coffee table that for whatever reason all the kids want to stand at, and her high chair is an antique and the part that you eat on lifts up so of course my little one lifts and her food goes everywhere. It has gotten so bad that I don't want to go visit because I don't want the stress. She came to my sisters house today when I was there and as soon as she walked in my sister and I both got stressed. It's like she looks at our kids like they have two heads if they don't act perfect. My first was an angel and that is probably what she is use to but my sisters 3 yr old and my little one are different from her. I don't even want to ask my mom to watch the little one because I am stressed out the whole time I'm gone worried that she is stressed out. I have though about saying something but she can be quite bullheaded and I don't want her to get mad! Bt I don't want to get stressed every time I'm around my mom. Advice??????

by on Feb. 14, 2013 at 4:30 PM
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Replies (1-10):
frndlyfn
by Platinum Member on Feb. 14, 2013 at 4:34 PM

All the adults sit down preferably while the children are in a different room or sleeping and set down the guidelines or standards to hold them all to.  You may need to look for other childcare to take a break from mom and let her take a breather as well.  What was she like when she raised you and your sister?

saysmom
by Bronze Member on Feb. 14, 2013 at 4:38 PM

That's was is so funny to me. We are only 2 years apart so you would think she would know how to handle kids. From what my dad said, she didn't take us in public much because she was scared we would cry! If one of the grand kids cries while in public, she freaks out! She finds it so embarrassing!! I mean seriously, all kids cry and are gonna act up once in a while!!!!!!

Sparkles591
by Member on Feb. 14, 2013 at 4:47 PM
1 mom liked this

Maybe spend time with your mom at a place for kids.    Where I live there's this place that has a mini grocery store, a play structure and more.  And then there is a section with couches for the adults to sit and visit.  And the way it is set up, you can see the whole place from the couches.  

Bmat
by Barb on Feb. 14, 2013 at 4:54 PM
1 mom liked this

When a person isn't around little ones all the time then it gets nerve-wracking when they  are around and running and shouting.  My mom can't take the children visiting her anymore. One at a time is OK, but the squealing and running unnerve her.  It may be best if all of the little ones don't visit their Grandma at the same time. And if she pays a visit to one of your houses and all of the children are there,  then of course if she starts feeling nervous she should leave. So my take on the problem is watch out when visiting her, and when she visits you or your sister then see if there is something quiet they could do, or outside play, or just relax until she's had enough and leaves.

motomom3
by New Member on Feb. 15, 2013 at 12:58 AM

I am in the same boat as you but it is my dad.  My kids are older 15, 12, and 9.  I use to get nervous just like you when my dad was around.  Now I just don't let it get to me.  I know that is hard but that is the only thing to do.  I would get upset at my kids when they were little because they weren't perfect because of my dads nervousness.  It is hard to deal with it but I had to change the way I dealt with the situation because my dad won't change his nervousness.  Good luck to you.

whoodathunk
by Bronze Member on Feb. 15, 2013 at 10:11 AM

Either you or your sister babysit while the other has a date with an older child and your mom.  Have your mom come at naptime.  Ask your mom if the kids stress her out and how she'd like you to handle it.  Just a thought...

SnapIt
by Member on Feb. 15, 2013 at 10:18 AM
Shes living her own life now
Without kids

She probably got use to her quietness
That can be a crazy and a overwhelming feeling when you arent use to kids on an everyday basis
Just because she raised her own doesnt mean she has or needs patience for other peoples kids.

Shes older now too and had her fill of raising the young.

You are going to have to understand her more than you feel she needs to understand you. One day, you will be in her shoes

Also, just because people have kids doesnt always mean they like kids.
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EsmeVincent
by Bronze Member on Feb. 15, 2013 at 10:23 AM
Where are the adults when baby is in highchair? I mean should that not be a place for an adult to say no? I mean its not rocket science to make the kids behave while a your moms...if it stresses all of y'all out to be there then FIX it. Not baby proofed? The baby proof it...worried about them getting hurt or breaking something? Then watch them closer and teach them 'no'. It's not hard, once you get past that then everyone will bebless stressed
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DaniandTom
by on Feb. 15, 2013 at 10:29 AM

Have you talked to her about how she's feeling and how you're feeling? It can be hard for grandmothers to be around a lot of small children at once...heck it can be hard for ANYONE to be around a lot of small children at once! While you're used to the noise and chaos, remember that it's been a long time since she had small children and she's not used to it anymore. Imagine if someone dropped 3 or 4 babies in your lap one day out of the blue! She's not with them every day the way you are and she has forgotten how much goes on in the daily life of a household with babies! She's feeling overwhelmed and yes, she went from being able to have all her pretty things out to having kids make fingerprints and messes whenever they're around. The way I see it she has 3 choices-keep going crazy the way things are, put all her pretty things away for another 10-20 years until all of her grandbabies are grown and out on their own or pack up the important stuff and enjoy her grandbabies! Lay it out for her in a nice way. THEN, you and your sister need to coordinate your visits so it isn't quite so overwhelming for her! She may only be in her 40's or early 50's but she's getting older and that's why God left the baby rearing to the younger women! If you and your sister have to see her at the same time, perhaps it could be at one of your houses so the kids can't get into grandma's pretty antiques and glass tables...

Mommy2justone
by Mommy2justtwo on Feb. 15, 2013 at 10:43 AM


Quoting Bmat:

When a person isn't around little ones all the time then it gets nerve-wracking when they  are around and running and shouting.  My mom can't take the children visiting her anymore. One at a time is OK, but the squealing and running unnerve her.  It may be best if all of the little ones don't visit their Grandma at the same time. And if she pays a visit to one of your houses and all of the children are there,  then of course if she starts feeling nervous she should leave. So my take on the problem is watch out when visiting her, and when she visits you or your sister then see if there is something quiet they could do, or outside play, or just relax until she's had enough and leaves.


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