how to cope with a teenager with ADHD

I am 26 years old and was diagnosed with ADHD when I was in second grade. I've literally seen every specialist possible and I am not exaggerating lol. The only time in my life I have not been on medication is when I was pregnant with my son and a year after. There are 1,000 different factors when it comes to understanding ADHD or ADD. Nine times outta ten the "specialist" your child is referred to doesn't even know anyone personally with ADHD. I realize its frustrating, but there is ways to finally come to a solution, however its after about a million different questions are answered. Even with medication she is still a child and there could be different reasons for her behavior other than her ADHD. Doctors typically find it easier to blame that verses digging to the real issue. That I promise you from personal experience. I have 5 step brothers and 2 half brothers. Out of all 8 kids half of us are on medication or have been at some point are entire lives. Each one of us has different issues along with different ways of dealing with them. This is the major reason I wanted to major in psychology.  If you'd like to message me with questions I'd be happy to help you. That way I dont have to write a book on here explaining everything. 

Quoting countrygirl1234:

thank u for your reply. I am at the point where we are struggling with the medication. It seems like nothing works. My child is very angry all the time and does not want to do what she is told. She gets very aggressive with my other children and her belongings. I don't know what else is there for help. We've done counseling, she is on a 504 plan in school and we see her doctor regularly. She has been staying off and on with her grandmother  because she cannot deal with things at home and to keep the other children safe, plus gives me some relaxing time with the other children. I always feel like the awful mother by doing that.

 thank you so much for your advice.I would love to message you.

Quoting masonac12:

I am 26 years old and was diagnosed with ADHD when I was in second grade. I've literally seen every specialist possible and I am not exaggerating lol. The only time in my life I have not been on medication is when I was pregnant with my son and a year after. There are 1,000 different factors when it comes to understanding ADHD or ADD. Nine times outta ten the "specialist" your child is referred to doesn't even know anyone personally with ADHD. I realize its frustrating, but there is ways to finally come to a solution, however its after about a million different questions are answered. Even with medication she is still a child and there could be different reasons for her behavior other than her ADHD. Doctors typically find it easier to blame that verses digging to the real issue. That I promise you from personal experience. I have 5 step brothers and 2 half brothers. Out of all 8 kids half of us are on medication or have been at some point are entire lives. Each one of us has different issues along with different ways of dealing with them. This is the major reason I wanted to major in psychology.  If you'd like to message me with questions I'd be happy to help you. That way I dont have to write a book on here explaining everything. 

 

Quoting countrygirl1234:

thank u for your reply. I am at the point where we are struggling with the medication. It seems like nothing works. My child is very angry all the time and does not want to do what she is told. She gets very aggressive with my other children and her belongings. I don't know what else is there for help. We've done counseling, she is on a 504 plan in school and we see her doctor regularly. She has been staying off and on with her grandmother  because she cannot deal with things at home and to keep the other children safe, plus gives me some relaxing time with the other children. I always feel like the awful mother by doing that.

 

 

It sounds like there may be something other than ADHD going on, if her anger issues are so pronounced.

I don't have a child with ADHD, but I have ADHD myself and I know that my elementary and adolescent years were very trying for my parents. I agree with a lot of what a PP said about structure, etc. I used to have a planner and after every class, I had to have my teacher initial to verify that I had written down my assignments. My parents checked every night to make sure I had done what I was supposed to do (this was in middle school; by high school I had better coping mechanisms and I didn't need my parents to hover so much.)

For what it's worth, I was on Ritalin for a period of time in junior high, but I have spent most of my life off of medication. My improvement was mostly due to therapy, a close relationship between my parents and teachers, and having accommodations in school when I needed them. I am not saying that kids with ADHD never need medication, just that it doesn't necessarily need to be part of the package and coping with ADHD may be possible without it. But that's a decision between you and your child's doctor.

While it took me a while to learn to control my impulsive behavior, anger management was never really a problem. That's why I wonder if there might be something else going on, too, especially if it's to the point where she can't stay in your home for fear that she would hurt someone else.

Quoting countrygirl1234:

thank u for your reply. I am at the point where we are struggling with the medication. It seems like nothing works. My child is very angry all the time and does not want to do what she is told. She gets very aggressive with my other children and her belongings. I don't know what else is there for help. We've done counseling, she is on a 504 plan in school and we see her doctor regularly. She has been staying off and on with her grandmother  because she cannot deal with things at home and to keep the other children safe, plus gives me some relaxing time with the other children. I always feel like the awful mother by doing that.

Okay, this really, REALLY does not sound like ADHD. Maybe she has that among other things, but if your daughter's doctor is convinced that it's just ADHD and there's nothing else going on, you need to find another doctor. She needs help, and you can't help her the way she needs until you know what's wrong. Find another specialist and get a complete evaluation done. Don't settle for "Oh, she just has ADHD."

Quoting countrygirl1234:

 thank you for your reply. I am so glad i am not the only one. My child is also struggling in school.I  can see at home to when it comes to her chores, which is only doing the dishes because i know she wold not beable to do more than one thing.With a child that is so angry most of the time and yells and screams most of the time it is so hard to ignore that behavior and really be there for her.She is a very sensitive 15 year old so you have to be careful how you words thigs to her. And she is very irritable.Any singing or tapping on the table she litterally freaks out and holds her ears and screams.

Quoting NearSeattleMom:

What specific behaviors are you struggling with?

I have a son with ADD (unofficially, though--he hasn't been diagnosed by a doctor but I have personally diagnosed him, ha).  He's 19 now and really had a tough time with school because of his attention difficulties.  He's turning out to be a really great guitarist and that helps to focus him.

In terms of dealing with him . . . it helped me to not take his behavior personally, to know that he himself was having trouble remembering and focusing.

Good luck!

 I here you I have two boys that both have ADHD one is 15 and one is 18. It has been a struggle for alot of years. My youngest is the worse we are having trouble getting him to take his meds when we tell him to.