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How do I respond/react

Posted by on Feb. 15, 2013 at 8:08 PM
  • 32 Replies

Ok I'm just jumping right into this, because I can't even explain how I feel.

I have a "friend" more of a person I talk to if I see her in the store. I don't really associate with her much because I know what she is doing is wrong, but I don't know who to report to. However, I don't want to get involved either. I've asked at our local DHHS but they say its our state that has to deal with it. I have to get online and do this and then this and process of monkey business really.

This friend, we'll call her Sadie. She has had the same b/f since he was a junior in high school, he is now 28. She is 23. She has lived with him since then. They bought a house together, how I don't know she has never worked. She worked 6 hours with me at a place, and then got fired because she stood up to the boss, and said she shouldn't have to do something he told her was part of their policy. It was something simple really, I think it was like working every other holiday, well big whoop lots of places make you do that. Anyway, she had her 1st child with medicaid benefits in 2008 (her and baby). She had her second child with medicaid benefits (she and the baby) in 2011. About a month ago she asked me who I went to for my pregnancy and miscarriage, and if he was any good. I said yeah he was really good, very nice bed side manner, and explained everything very well. She said ok I'll try him, I need a new gyno I don't like mine anymore. Come to find out she wanted not only a new gyno but an OBGYN, because her old gyno said he wasn't going to accept her medicaid anymore. She announced this to me in Walmart about a week after I referred her to him. She is now expecting her 3rd child with medicaid benefits (she and the baby again). Which she plastered all over Facebook lastnight. It kind of hurt me, because she knows my husband and I had our miscarriage shortly before Christmas. I was nearly 4 months along. She is not married, and has refused a ring twice from her b/f. Heres the greatest part of all! She claims her b/f has child support taken out of his check and sent to his mother's house in a different town, where he claims to live (but actually lives with her and the children.) How this works I don't know, I've never done the whole child support thing before. I do know they went to court so she could get it.  We have been trying, and my job I was at was the cause for my miscarriage. So, I took a new job at a place that doesn't offer insurance benefits. However, in our state at $9.50 an hour means you make too much to get medicaid benefits. I've checked into self pay programs, and low income insurance NOTHING! I am a college student, and still nothing. My husband works full time and gets $12 an hour. Her b/f  makes $24 an hour at an office position. Because she stays single she gets to keep popping kids out. We desperately just want our 2nd and cannot afford the $400+ a month for health coverage for maternity. We've checked numerous companies. We're ok to buy diapers and food and formula we've done this before. But why $400 a month plus a deductible and etc... I don't know what to say to this girl, or if I should turn her into the state or what. The first time I questioned the whole scenario that I make too much and am married, but someone who doesn't work and won't get married gets everything given to her, I was told by a social worker I could quit my job, then I would get a lot of benefits. I got upset and said I have more dignity than that. I don't know if it  that family or what and it may not pertain too much to this, but "Sadies" sister is following in her footsteps. She is 19 and has 2 kids already. The oldest is 3, she is pregnant again also, 3 different fathers with that one. It sounds like some unbelievable dishonest soap opera really. I just wish Nebraska had some way to help me, I want to have another child before my biological clock runs out sad

by on Feb. 15, 2013 at 8:08 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Bmat
by Barb on Feb. 15, 2013 at 8:22 PM
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((hugs))  You are observing that someone who behaves and lives in a way against your feelings and beliefs of what is right and just is having babies and you are not, even though you play by all the rules. Of course you feel even more sad about your own circumstance when you see her seemingly prospering. Try to push the negative thoughts about her away, continue to pleasantly greet her when you see her- who knows if she has any friends- she may or may not. But your greeting her will be a good thing to do either way. Instead of lamenting that you are doing right and she isn't but she is the one having children,  think more about you are doing right and are comfortable in your own life. You have no need to look at her and think well why is she getting blessed and I am not. You are a good woman,  strong, and honest. You have the stability of marriage and at least one child already.  Don't think about her, think about yourself and the good things in your life. Her having or not having a child has nothing to do with you. You can glow with your own sweet nature and goodness.

yperez0209
by Bronze Member on Feb. 15, 2013 at 8:38 PM

This is the sad reality for many families. I am married and we have 5 children and one on the way ( all from my husband ) and we don't qualify for anything, not even free cheese ( that's a joke ). He makes ok money but he also supports 7 of us and I've tried during hard times to get help but no,nothing.

frndlyfn
by Platinum Member on Feb. 15, 2013 at 9:02 PM

I agree.   Focus on yourself and your small family rather than what others are doing.   Yes it is messed up how someone who is complete opposite of your beliefs is a fertile myrtle but that doesnt mean you are doing anything wrong.


Quoting Bmat:

((hugs))  You are observing that someone who behaves and lives in a way against your feelings and beliefs of what is right and just is having babies and you are not, even though you play by all the rules. Of course you feel even more sad about your own circumstance when you see her seemingly prospering. Try to push the negative thoughts about her away, continue to pleasantly greet her when you see her- who knows if she has any friends- she may or may not. But your greeting her will be a good thing to do either way. Instead of lamenting that you are doing right and she isn't but she is the one having children,  think more about you are doing right and are comfortable in your own life. You have no need to look at her and think well why is she getting blessed and I am not. You are a good woman,  strong, and honest. You have the stability of marriage and at least one child already.  Don't think about her, think about yourself and the good things in your life. Her having or not having a child has nothing to do with you. You can glow with your own sweet nature and goodness.



atlmom2
by Platinum Member on Feb. 15, 2013 at 9:28 PM
1 mom liked this
I could never be friends with someone who thinks it is ok to use my tax dollars to support her 3 kids. She is a loser.
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MommyChance
by Member on Feb. 16, 2013 at 12:30 AM

Thats a tough spot.  When I was pregnant I didnt qualitfy for assistance.  I was single and made less than $1000 a year too much.  The social worker told me to cut back on hours and I would get assistance, I didnt feel right doing that.  Meanwhile a couple I work with were constantly refusing hours and bragging about how much they got in support (housing assistance, food stamps, medicaid...).  It would infuriate me, but as long as I knew what I was doing was right with me I could get past the irritation.  Im sorry for your difficulties.

raegan1221
by Bronze Member on Feb. 16, 2013 at 12:36 AM
I really don't think there's anything you can do as far as turning her in. It's totally wrong morally yes. It's so frustrating. Sorry:(.
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meowsrus
by Member on Feb. 16, 2013 at 8:33 AM
Holy shit- sounds like you live out here! My husband and I are on the same lines as you, but the majority of folks around here all 'work the system'. Oh the stories I could tell you. But at one point when we were going to try to get wic after my daughter, they said we might be bringing too much in with my comp at the time. Solution? The worker said I should jus say another relative lived with us, it would be OK, so many clients do it, and it wouldn't be checked up on!

I told her to stick it up her ass.

Went through a supervisor and we were eligible without any lying and fraud. Send me a pm if you want :-)
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rstuart66
by Bronze Member on Feb. 16, 2013 at 10:39 AM

Wow, way to milk the system on her part.  Unfortunately that is the way the system works, they support the ones who abuse it and don't want you to improve.  No real answer for you but sending you all my best.  

nuts4scouts
by Bronze Member on Feb. 16, 2013 at 10:49 AM
3 moms liked this

I am a bit confused - this woman is morally corrupt because she does not want to get married, has 3 kids, and is having the father of her children pay to support them?

This is wrong why?

Because you had a miscarriage, have only one child, and can't afford to get pregnant again?

How is any of that this woman's fault?

You are "hurt" because this woman acquaintance (you clearly specified she is not a friend), who knows you have had a miscarriage, is happy about being pregnant, and telling people about it.

Have you told her that she should be ashamed of herself for being happy that she is "popping" out children, while you can not? Have you told her she is not allowed to announce this horrific event to anyone until you are pregnant too?

Bitterness, and envy, can quickly corrupt a person's life. There will always be someone who has "more" than you, or has it "better", or "easier", than you. Resenting them, or seeking to hurt them,  will not make your life better, or make you, or your family, happier.

Concentrate on enjoying the child you have. Enjoy your family. Work on improving life for your family. If health insurance (or the lack of it), is your main problem, than look for a new job with better health benefits. Have your husband look for a new job that pays more, and has better benefits.

Stop blaming others for your problems.

Leave this woman, and her family, alone. 







ldavis518
by on Feb. 16, 2013 at 3:05 PM

Ironically I am in the same position! I have a soon to be 4 yr old little girl that has special needs and I am a stay at home mom. The reason I stay at home is bc of her needs and also my fiance's (her father) work schedule. He goes in the office at 8:30am and never knows when he is going to be home. So I cant work. My daughter was on Medicaid for about a yr and they dropped it bc they said that my fiancee' "makes to much $" which is ridiculous...we struggle to make ends meet with only one income supporting 3 people. Not to mention me technically arent legally married yet. Im from FL and in that state they look at if your married and the income of course but here in SC they only look at house hold income!! Which makes no sense to me bc suppose her father and I split and he moves out and I have a friend move into to live...are they going to really count her income and determine if my child gets assistance depending on what she makes?? WTF? Excuse me but it frustrates me so much!! My daughter can no longer go to her physical, speech and occupational therapy now bc we cant afford it!!! I dont know what to do!! I too know of a girl that has 6 kids!! and gets food stamps and medicaid for all of them bc she claims she is disabled to work, however no joke she is a stripper on the side....what the hell kind of disability do you have that you cant work but can swing from a pole naked??? lol and to top it off they live in a 1 room motel with 2 beds for 6 kids and herself plus whatever guy she brings home that night. Her oldest is 18 and she is pregnant!! Just throw in another person into the room, Im sure there is plenty of it!! lol AND none of the children have ever been in school, ever in their life!! How does she not get in trouble for that and gov't fraud I have no idea bc she has been reported numerous times!!! This Gov't is so f-ed up! 

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