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My toddler hits me! What should I do:(

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     I have a wonderful 18month old toddler,I am a single parent as well. As of lately he has been hitting me, and anyone that is near. We can be out at a grocery store and someone will walk by and he will just hit them, he will also hit other children and say no. When I approach him and say that's not nice, he yells no and swings on me. What should I do, he seems to young to understand a time out...

by on Feb. 16, 2013 at 11:40 PM
Replies (11-20):
AerickMomi_MrsD
by on Feb. 17, 2013 at 12:08 AM
1 mom liked this

Its okay that hes upset at you... that's better than him hitting..

Hes not hurt, hes not hungry, SO hes okay. he acts like that for attention he knows that mommy is gonna come running if i stick out my bottom lip... Ignoring him isn't going to hurt him..

Quoting jujubeewita1:

my mom says the same thing!!! its just as soon as I say no or make him sit for a while he acts like hes scared or upset at me,ill reach for him and he will run,or snatch from me...ugh,its just like I cant win,wish me the best of luck with sticking to this!!!!


elzmnsf
by Bronze Member on Feb. 17, 2013 at 12:39 AM
1 mom liked this
Here's the thing, you have to get the softie thing under control now. Parenting gets harder before it gets easier , and if you don't get the hierarchy in line now it will only become harder to do. You aren't his friend, you're his mom. There will come a time when you can be his friend but that is a long long way away. My kids love me, but sometimes they get mad at me. That is necessary for me to teach them the boundaries and behaviors of society and how to function well in it. Once they are grown and can successfully navigate the world we live in, an I can back off, they will eventually figure out what I was doing and appreciate it. At 2, timeouts are fine and if you can catch the behavior before it happens and redirect its even better. Don't do timeout in the bed/crib, that puts negative connotations on a place that needs to feel safe and calm. It's a pita to put them back in a spot over and over and over and over without speaking to them, but it will take and get easier. You just have to do it and your boy deserves that from you.
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Bmat
by Barb on Feb. 17, 2013 at 12:45 AM
1 mom liked this

Very well said!  You are his parent, not his friend.  I agree with everything here, including don't use his bed as a place he is put for punishment-  it will make him very hard to put in for a nap or bedtime.

Quoting elzmnsf:

Here's the thing, you have to get the softie thing under control now. Parenting gets harder before it gets easier , and if you don't get the hierarchy in line now it will only become harder to do. You aren't his friend, you're his mom. There will come a time when you can be his friend but that is a long long way away. My kids love me, but sometimes they get mad at me. That is necessary for me to teach them the boundaries and behaviors of society and how to function well in it. Once they are grown and can successfully navigate the world we live in, an I can back off, they will eventually figure out what I was doing and appreciate it. At 2, timeouts are fine and if you can catch the behavior before it happens and redirect its even better. Don't do timeout in the bed/crib, that puts negative connotations on a place that needs to feel safe and calm. It's a pita to put them back in a spot over and over and over and over without speaking to them, but it will take and get easier. You just have to do it and your boy deserves that from you.


SissyAnn141
by on Feb. 17, 2013 at 1:13 AM

 

Quoting jujubeewita1:

my mom says the same thing!!! its just as soon as I say no or make him sit for a while he acts like hes scared or upset at me,ill reach for him and he will run,or snatch from me...ugh,its just like I cant win,wish me the best of luck with sticking to this!!!!

 Go get him, take back to Time-out spot.

 Get EYE- Level with him.

 Tell him "YOU WILL Apologize, for your behavior"

  OR "You will stay here"

  During this time hold, gently, but firmly above the Elbow.

MAKE HIM LOOK YOU IN THE EYES".

    If he gets away with Dis-Respecting you now.

    You will be in trouble later.

JTE11
by Bronze Member on Feb. 17, 2013 at 2:34 PM
1 mom liked this

First of all, try to avoid situations or triggers that will possibly cause him to hit. If you saying 'no' to him will make him hit, then find some other way to say the same thing. When my DD was that age if I told her no for something she'd have a fit but if I said "Yes you can have that, right after we (insert activity)." she's be more Ok with it. It was the actual word n o that was settign her off. Second, teach him what to do. When he pull shis hand back to hit, grab it (before he hits) and say "Oh! You were going to give nice touches." and then guide his hand in a nice way over whoever or whatever he is going to hit, and then praise him for using nice touches. If he does manage to hit, then grab his hand, get down to just above his eye level and tell him sternly "No hitting, hitting hurts," and then use his hand to do nice touches, and praise him for nice touches.  If he continues to hit, tell him no touching,and remove him from the situation by putting him in his room,. Some kids this age can sit in time out and some can't, and if he doesn't instead of holding him there you can just put him into a gated area or his room where he gets (absolutely!) no interaction for a minute or two. He'll probably cry but use a timer and when it dings go and get him and resume what you were doing beforehand, don't bring up the hitting or try to lecture. He should eventually begin to understand how it is you want him to touch people and things, and when he hits he loses the privilrge of being with people for a few minutes.

brittany208
by Bronze Member on Feb. 17, 2013 at 2:44 PM

This isn't going to be popular..... BUT.... I'd give a little spanking. (NOT a beating, not enough to really hurt them, just enough to scare them a bit). Little ones can learn REAL fast that if they hit, they get a spanking, and they don't do it anymore.

Unless you think that they are doing it BECAUSE they see it done in your house (which i doubt, in your case). but that's the rule in our house and my LO is not a hitter. after the first time, ive seen him go like he's going to hit me, then suddenly slow down and give me a pat. bc he knows what will happen. so he doesnt do it.

brittany208
by Bronze Member on Feb. 17, 2013 at 2:48 PM

Also--if you go the time-out route (which i imagine you probably will), when we first started time-outs, i put LO in the corner and blocked him in with the arm chair. Because he was little and didn't sit still. I could still see and hear him, but he couldnt escape. He had to stay there.

Then, when he got a little older, I didn't need to fence him in and he knew he had to stay there. He's 3.5 now and if I say "go to time-out" he does go immediately and will stay til I let him out. "Sometimes he'll beep like he's the timer and say 'time to come out!'" which is pretty cute lol.

thanush
by on Feb. 17, 2013 at 2:49 PM

Nice touches. That worked for my daughter like a charm. Do it every time he hits. Tell him hitting hurts and it's bad, show him nice touches and take his hand ad do nice touches. Hitting is a phase. Mine did that for a few weeks around that age and  nice touches worked for her.

As for time outs, it really works. It's more of a take a break than a punishment. I slats give a hug after I give a timeout.

Another option is to go to a room and close the door. Tell him mommy is going away if he hits. The idea here is to put a door between him and you and that separation 'reset' his mood. Toddlers don't want to be separated and that's a good way to show that what he did was a big deal..

jujubeewita1
by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 1:17 PM

all of these methods are worth a try!!!!

TexanMomOf6
by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 1:28 PM

Just keep at it because your darling little toddler will be a big boy one day.  Then he could really hurt someone.

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