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Advice for Moms Advice for Moms

Stupid I know, but I'm paranoid!

Posted by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 10:10 PM
  • 13 Replies
So honestly I feel like me and my boyfriend are going to get married and all that stuff. When we talk about it he doesn't deny so I don't feel stupid thinking that we'll be together forever and blah blah blah whatever you want to call it. But here's the thing he is very particular about the way he does things. And I guess we were raised so differently but I can't imagine my children the way him an his siblings are. OH MY GOD PLEASE DON'T LET IT BE. He's very germaphobe and he has to put his right shoe on first and let's the littlest things stress him out, his whole family gets stressed over nothing! It gets hard to be with them sometimes. And I'm the total opposite, free spirited, I don't care about germs, I haven't even ever gotten a flu shot. I say bless you when someone sneezes and I just feel like its polite and they don't and it kills me.


I'm scared for my future children just a little bit. I want then to be able to put on any shoe they want on first!
by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 10:10 PM
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Replies (1-10):
frndlyfn
by Platinum Member on Feb. 18, 2013 at 10:14 PM

So you are stressing about the future which may or may not happen.   Each person has different styles usually with parenting.  I taught dd to do right shoe first just because that is how i do it.  Now it does not bother me if she chooses to do left shoe or put them both on at once.     I do not see this relationship working if how everyone else is bothers you.

ceciliam
by Cecilia on Feb. 19, 2013 at 10:06 AM
1 mom liked this

I guess you need to decide if these are things you can live with because it sounds to me like you may not be able to. Good luck.

Mommy2justone
by Mommy2justtwo on Feb. 19, 2013 at 10:07 AM

LOL, be married before you think about your children. 
How many kids do you have now? 

kali_mom
by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 10:27 AM
If you don't already have children I would encourage you to keep it that way!! Listen to what you are saying and recognize this may NOT be the fit for you. The great thing about life is we have options!! Don't do anything to hurt him but begin to think about a future without him and remember you had an existence BEFORE he came into the picture. A child is forever, a relationship is sometimes meant to expire.
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snazzylady1
by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 10:39 AM

My mother had a saying,  "What ever that individual is like when your dating them that is as good as it gets." People don't change as much as they remain the same so if he is lik this now then that is what you will be married to.  So you have to decide if that is what you want for your life.  He is who he is.

Tonya Simmons

smartandsnazzykids.com

Pukalani79
by Bronze Member on Feb. 19, 2013 at 12:14 PM

 You have to realize that when you get married, it's not just your SO that you're marrying - you're "marrying" the whole family.  You need to decide now if the the things that are bothering you are liveable, because they wont go away.

frstldyhmsch
by Member on Feb. 19, 2013 at 1:18 PM

It honestly sounds like his parents may have been/are OCD and it kind of trickled down and spilled on him. If it's a serious problem I understand you being a bit scared about having children, but he will soon realize that kids are messy and we have to deal with it. Not being OCD is a learned behaviour...it must be practiced so that he will know that the world will not end if his left shoe goes on first or if his baby spits-up on him. It will take time. As far as his family goes, don't worry about that. Your kids are just that....your kids. They may not like it but, they too may need some un-OCD practice ya' know. Just continue to love on them.

marisab
by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 3:56 PM

ok these are things to decide before getting married ..to death do u part and all

LoreleiSieja
by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 3:57 PM

Your potential future husband sounds like he has some mental health issues.  The way he is a germophobe, and has to put the right shoe on first, sounds like he is obsessive-compulsive.  IF this is the case, then he will NOT change, and he will not get better.  You will have to accept him as he is, or walk away.  

Having mental health issues is not a contagious disease, but it will take compassion and understanding and a boat-load of patience. You have to ask yourself if this is what you want.  It will also mean that your future children have the POTENTIAL of being just like your husband, since some mental health issues are genetic.  

Talk with your BF. Try to learn more about him.  Will he ever do fun stuff with you, like go camping?  Do you like to camp?  If he cannot go camping (it is dirty), then you will learn a bit about how severe his obsessive-compulsive behavior is.  How is he in the kitchen?  Will he touch raw chicken to cut it up?  Will he pat raw hamburger into patties?  People I know with obsessive compulsive disorder will not touch raw meat!  As children, they would NOT fingerpaint.  If they spilled on their clothes, they freaked out until they were bathed and clean and dry again.

I am learning now to accept my 27 yr old daughter who has mental health issues.  It is a learning esperience for me, but it is freeing, too, realizign that she has a real condition and is not just being difficult.  For instance, she will load the dishwasher with dirty dishes, but she cannot clean the soggy food bits out of the bottom of the sink.  She will throw trash away, but she will NOT take the trash outside to the garbage can, or put the garbage can on the curb for collection.  I have to learn what she can do, and accept her that way.  And through counseling, I hope to help her broaden her limits, but I cannot change who she is.  She is a delightful, charming person, but she is unique.  

If you cannot accept your boyfriend with these limits... walk away now.  Waiting will just make it more painful for both of you, and any children you might one day have together.




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Nurturing Creative Young Minds and Wiggly Bodies

mamamiajk
by Platinum Member on Feb. 19, 2013 at 5:26 PM

It sounds to me like they are the paranoid ones. Are you sure they're not adhd? Compulsive of some sort at the least My DIL is the same way. She'd better not see one hair out of place or ANY dust anywhere. She's making my son nuts. I love to have a clean house to but when people come over that's life. They have 2 little ones now so I'm anxiuos to see how long she can keep that up. Maybe having a little one of your own might change him and get him to relax somewhat. Hugs

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