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One child mama... I couldn't imagine having more.

Posted by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 10:44 PM
  • 19 Replies
I have a wonderful 16mo son. He is high needs, but he is a sweet treasure. As I am sitting here snugling him through a major teething spurt, I am thinking of a few friends who already have 2nd babies. How do you care for an infant AND an older child?

I just feel like having multiple kids so close together would shortchange one or the other child...

Because I am 99% sure we are only having one child, I treasure every moment with my baby because I don't get another shot with another kid. I miss the previous stages of babyhood, but I read on here and hear from my friends how excited they are to have ANOTHER child so quickly after having their first!

I guess I just can't fathom giving up the experiences of one child to have another. I am genuinely curious why some people want children so close together?

(I don't mean this as a dig on anyone. I just want to hear a different perspective.)
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by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 10:44 PM
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by Silver Member on Feb. 19, 2013 at 11:02 PM
We concieved dd2 on dd1's first birthday, we didn't plan it that way but love them both the same. It did take some getting used to but I don't think I've shortchanged either of them. I try to make sure that I spend time with both of them equally if the baby goes through a few days of extreme clingy-Ness I try and make sure I give my oldest a longer bed time story more hugs/kisses/cuddled throughout the day ect. It's not always easy but I wouldn't change it for anything. I also don't want another anytime soon because then ill feel like I'm taking away from them to give to a new baby. I think everyone is different and everyone has a different point where they can say this is enough and anymore would be to much. I totally understand where your coming from and I don't understand how people have three plus kids. I feel like going crazy some days and we only have two, so its like one on one then switch lol.
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by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 11:05 PM

I couldnt imagine it either. My first two are two years and eleven months to the day apart and were planned precisely that way. (Though it was dumb luck it worked out because it took us a year to get pregnant with number two; we were afraid of precisely that since it took a year and a half to get number one) Number three is due dead between one and two's birthdays, and will be two years and a couple weeks (by due date of course) younger than number two. I would have liked to have a hair more time but, surprise, this one took two months to conceive instead of a year. I cant imagine having them right on top of each other, I agree that it feels like shortchanging both of them. I worry about only a two year gap!

by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 11:06 PM

That's part of the reason I didn't want to get pregnant until dd was at least 18 months. I didn't want to miss out on her first year milestones because I was busy dealing with the pregnancy. But I can't really afford to wait too long either, since we started our family 5 years later than I originally expected. Unless I want to be pregnant in my mid thirties (which I'd rather not, for my own reasons), I have to have mine pretty close together. 

by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 11:09 PM
I am pregnant with my fourth and wouldn't have it any other way. I love that my kids will have close brothers and sisters to bond with :)
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by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 11:11 PM
I have 3 kids and want more I love the fact they will close and have a bond like my brothers and sister.
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by AnnaLisa on Feb. 19, 2013 at 11:12 PM

 i can see the pros and cons to having them close together..i have one.shes think if i am lucky enuff to find a man, and have another one (or two), i would want my next two to be close together..but, that would have to happen pretty i dont want to be pregnant after 35.  (and i just turned 30) soo yaa, as much as id like it happen, i dont think it will :(

by Member on Feb. 19, 2013 at 11:12 PM
I can't imagine only having one. I just had my 6th child January 25th. My other kids are 13,8,7,5 and 3. Looking back life with one was
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by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 11:13 PM

I feel the same way.

I really REALLY want to have a sibling for my son but he is so much work already, and at only 2 he needs so much of my attention.

I want someone for him to play with so that I can stop being his only playmate at home, but... 

Also, as "natural earth mama" as I am, my pregnancy was actually pretty damn excruciating and difficult and exhausting and I have no desire to go through that again. Labor and birth weren't as bad and it was an experience that changed my life and means the world to me, but it's still just not something I feel that attached to doing again.

I wasn't that mom who had her ecstatic home birth and wanted to do it again right away (although it was ecstatic). I thought I'd want to do it later but I still don't have that desire at 2 years lol. (Pushing him out was awesome but the ten hours before that were just... ehh, whatever lol)

So... I love the idea of a surrogate having my next baby LOL. My son is still breastfeeding and I would be very happy to breastfeed two at once.

Id be even happier if the surrogate was a man... just throwing that out there... 


by Gold Member on Feb. 19, 2013 at 11:15 PM

You don't give anything up.  Your first child doesn't just get shunted to the side to make room for the new baby.  I couldn't imagine only having one child.  Not just so that my kids have siblings while growing up, but I know a few single kids who are now adults.  Their parents are getting older, some have already passed away, and it leaves them no one.  No family.  No one who was there growing up with them...

by Melissa on Feb. 19, 2013 at 11:17 PM
I have a 5, 3, 20mo an am 16weeks with number 4. I adore each of them and don't feel like I'm missing out on something because there are others. I just have to sacrifice things to spend time with them each and soak in milestones and personalities. I was working with the first 2 but decided to stay home when number 3 came. I just couldn't work and be a mom. I sacrifice nights out, showers alone, laundry and dishes. Hair cuts are once a year, that sort of thing. But the kids won't remember a sink of dirty dishes. They'll remember I dressed up as robin to play super heros outside with them. I love learning about each of them and watching them learn about each other. I can already see their closeness. My girls hold hands on the car, melts my heart.
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