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Diagnosed with Asperger's as an adult * long * PIOG Posted by bluedolly

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I was just wondering if any of you lovely ladies has had to deal with a SO being diagnosed with Asperger's as an adult. My DH strongly suspects that he may have it but he won't go to the Dr to be officially diagnosed because "it won't change anything". He has done a number of online tests that have all showed very high probability of him having it. DH is significantly older than me and his mother was completely clueless her whole life, grew up in an institution because his mother was unable to care for her 5 kids but would not let other family members care for the children in case get became "attached" which might go some way to explaining why it wasn't picked up as a child and it wasn't until recently when we actually met an adult with Asperger's that things clicked into place. I really don't care whether or not he gets officially diagnosed but I am interested in hearing from the partners of people who have Asperger's, hearing your experiences and specifically how did/do you deal with it.
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by on Feb. 20, 2013 at 3:20 PM
Replies (21-30):
bluedolly01
by on Feb. 21, 2013 at 4:20 PM
Knowing my MIL I am not sure that it would have been picked up as a child/teenager anyways... She has always been pretty useless.

It really wasn't until he was listening to an interview a couple of months ago that things started to click that it might be Asperger's.

Then we met someone who was diagnosed as an adult and things just fitted into place. He has taken a number of online tests and they all scored that he has it.


Quoting zadesmom1998:

Zade always had autistic quirks that his original school ignored. He was failing all of his classes but excelled on tests including the IQ test. We switched schools and they asked me about it and I told them about the other school. It just fits him. He is now getting a 3,0 and is on the track team and he's learning how to deal with his quirks as we like to call them in public.



Quoting bluedolly01:

That's our thinking process as well. Did it help you and your family to understand why he reacted the way he did at times or did you still feel like WTH?






Quoting zadesmom1998:

My DS 15 was diagnosed 3 years ago. It didn't change anything except his iep at school. I don't believe a diagnosis now will change anything for him.


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zadesmom1998
by Member on Feb. 21, 2013 at 4:29 PM
What has helped most is his occupational therapist. He works with Zade on eye contact, his perching, his ticks and the melt Downs associated with it. It's helping him see he has a future. He's actually looking forward to college which wasn't even an option before.

Quoting bluedolly01:

Knowing my MIL I am not sure that it would have been picked up as a child/teenager anyways... She has always been pretty useless.



It really wasn't until he was listening to an interview a couple of months ago that things started to click that it might be Asperger's.



Then we met someone who was diagnosed as an adult and things just fitted into place. He has taken a number of online tests and they all scored that he has it.




Quoting zadesmom1998:

Zade always had autistic quirks that his original school ignored. He was failing all of his classes but excelled on tests including the IQ test. We switched schools and they asked me about it and I told them about the other school. It just fits him. He is now getting a 3,0 and is on the track team and he's learning how to deal with his quirks as we like to call them in public.





Quoting bluedolly01:

That's our thinking process as well. Did it help you and your family to understand why he reacted the way he did at times or did you still feel like WTH?








Quoting zadesmom1998:

My DS 15 was diagnosed 3 years ago. It didn't change anything except his iep at school. I don't believe a diagnosis now will change anything for him.


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Mrsfarr
by on Feb. 21, 2013 at 4:51 PM
Aspergers is a very high functioning form of autism. People have it to varying degrees. Mine is a fairly mild form and I've worked in therapy to counteract some of my symptoms.
On top of never actually saying "I have aspergers", I learned to appear to look people in the eye, I drew on my experiences in therapy to help me through difficult situations, and I avoided triggers that I knew would upset me and make things worse. It's easy to hide anything when someone doesn't know anything about it.


Quoting ilana_ny:

Can you explain how can someone hide that they have Autism? Is it possible? 

Quoting Mrsfarr:

I have aspergers. I hid it from my husband until just a few months ago because I hated that I had it and I didn't want him to treat me differently. The only thing that's changed since telling him is now he pays attention to stories about aspergers so he can better understand what I'm going through.



On a related but seperate note, aspergers no longer is. It's officially classified as an autism spectrum disorder now.



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ilana_ny
by on Feb. 21, 2013 at 5:01 PM

Im sorry if I offended you, i am very curious. I really thought that a person cant control their symptoms. If you can control your symptoms does it mean that you no longer have Aspergers? Is it possible that you never had it, maybe you are just really shy and socially awkward.?

Quoting Mrsfarr:

Aspergers is a very high functioning form of autism. People have it to varying degrees. Mine is a fairly mild form and I've worked in therapy to counteract some of my symptoms.
On top of never actually saying "I have aspergers", I learned to appear to look people in the eye, I drew on my experiences in therapy to help me through difficult situations, and I avoided triggers that I knew would upset me and make things worse. It's easy to hide anything when someone doesn't know anything about it.


Quoting ilana_ny:

Can you explain how can someone hide that they have Autism? Is it possible? 

Quoting Mrsfarr:

I have aspergers. I hid it from my husband until just a few months ago because I hated that I had it and I didn't want him to treat me differently. The only thing that's changed since telling him is now he pays attention to stories about aspergers so he can better understand what I'm going through.



On a related but seperate note, aspergers no longer is. It's officially classified as an autism spectrum disorder now.




Mrsfarr
by on Feb. 21, 2013 at 5:07 PM
I'm sorry if I seemed offended. I was just trying to explain it as best I could. I can't really control my symptoms. I can sort of get around them in peculiar ways. Like standing at an angle and looking at people's ear so it appears as though I'm looking them in the eye. When I get frustrated or upset, I really can't control anything and I shut down. It's a lot like a three year old throwing a tantrum. But, I try to avoid situations that I know might trigger a reaction like that from me.


Quoting ilana_ny:

Im sorry if I offended you, i am very curious. I really thought that a person cant control their symptoms. If you can control your symptoms does it mean that you no longer have Aspergers? Is it possible that you never had it, maybe you are just really shy and socially awkward.?

Quoting Mrsfarr:

Aspergers is a very high functioning form of autism. People have it to varying degrees. Mine is a fairly mild form and I've worked in therapy to counteract some of my symptoms.

On top of never actually saying "I have aspergers", I learned to appear to look people in the eye, I drew on my experiences in therapy to help me through difficult situations, and I avoided triggers that I knew would upset me and make things worse. It's easy to hide anything when someone doesn't know anything about it.





Quoting ilana_ny:

Can you explain how can someone hide that they have Autism? Is it possible? 

Quoting Mrsfarr:

I have aspergers. I hid it from my husband until just a few months ago because I hated that I had it and I didn't want him to treat me differently. The only thing that's changed since telling him is now he pays attention to stories about aspergers so he can better understand what I'm going through.





On a related but seperate note, aspergers no longer is. It's officially classified as an autism spectrum disorder now.






Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
ilana_ny
by on Feb. 21, 2013 at 5:36 PM
I can't imagine how hard it is for you.
I'm 30yo, and for the last 10 years I really think that I have ADHD. I could never concentrate in any of my classes. I really tried, but it really seemed impossible to me.
My teachers and my parents was telling me that I'm just too lazy. I knew I was trying my best, I could never even read a whole book. I have to reread the same page 2-3 times. My mind was always somewhere else. Even now it takes me forever to do simple things. Cleaning the house, sometimes, takes forever.
Nobody in my family believe me that I have a problem, they just say that Im just trying to hide my laziness. It is really hard. Especially if don't have any support from your family.


Quoting Mrsfarr:

I'm sorry if I seemed offended. I was just trying to explain it as best I could. I can't really control my symptoms. I can sort of get around them in peculiar ways. Like standing at an angle and looking at people's ear so it appears as though I'm looking them in the eye. When I get frustrated or upset, I really can't control anything and I shut down. It's a lot like a three year old throwing a tantrum. But, I try to avoid situations that I know might trigger a reaction like that from me.




Quoting ilana_ny:

Im sorry if I offended you, i am very curious. I really thought that a person cant control their symptoms. If you can control your symptoms does it mean that you no longer have Aspergers? Is it possible that you never had it, maybe you are just really shy and socially awkward.?

Quoting Mrsfarr:

Aspergers is a very high functioning form of autism. People have it to varying degrees. Mine is a fairly mild form and I've worked in therapy to counteract some of my symptoms.


On top of never actually saying "I have aspergers", I learned to appear to look people in the eye, I drew on my experiences in therapy to help me through difficult situations, and I avoided triggers that I knew would upset me and make things worse. It's easy to hide anything when someone doesn't know anything about it.








Quoting ilana_ny:

Can you explain how can someone hide that they have Autism? Is it possible? 

Quoting Mrsfarr:

I have aspergers. I hid it from my husband until just a few months ago because I hated that I had it and I didn't want him to treat me differently. The only thing that's changed since telling him is now he pays attention to stories about aspergers so he can better understand what I'm going through.







On a related but seperate note, aspergers no longer is. It's officially classified as an autism spectrum disorder now.







Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Mrsfarr
by on Feb. 21, 2013 at 6:18 PM
Your family sounds a lot like mine. It took them two years to get me glasses. They kept telling me I was faking my poor eyesight for the attention. They finally figured if my brother needed glasses, maybe I did too.


Quoting ilana_ny:

I can't imagine how hard it is for you.

I'm 30yo, and for the last 10 years I really think that I have ADHD. I could never concentrate in any of my classes. I really tried, but it really seemed impossible to me.

My teachers and my parents was telling me that I'm just too lazy. I knew I was trying my best, I could never even read a whole book. I have to reread the same page 2-3 times. My mind was always somewhere else. Even now it takes me forever to do simple things. Cleaning the house, sometimes, takes forever.

Nobody in my family believe me that I have a problem, they just say that Im just trying to hide my laziness. It is really hard. Especially if don't have any support from your family.




Quoting Mrsfarr:

I'm sorry if I seemed offended. I was just trying to explain it as best I could. I can't really control my symptoms. I can sort of get around them in peculiar ways. Like standing at an angle and looking at people's ear so it appears as though I'm looking them in the eye. When I get frustrated or upset, I really can't control anything and I shut down. It's a lot like a three year old throwing a tantrum. But, I try to avoid situations that I know might trigger a reaction like that from me.






Quoting ilana_ny:

Im sorry if I offended you, i am very curious. I really thought that a person cant control their symptoms. If you can control your symptoms does it mean that you no longer have Aspergers? Is it possible that you never had it, maybe you are just really shy and socially awkward.?

Quoting Mrsfarr:

Aspergers is a very high functioning form of autism. People have it to varying degrees. Mine is a fairly mild form and I've worked in therapy to counteract some of my symptoms.



On top of never actually saying "I have aspergers", I learned to appear to look people in the eye, I drew on my experiences in therapy to help me through difficult situations, and I avoided triggers that I knew would upset me and make things worse. It's easy to hide anything when someone doesn't know anything about it.











Quoting ilana_ny:

Can you explain how can someone hide that they have Autism? Is it possible? 

Quoting Mrsfarr:

I have aspergers. I hid it from my husband until just a few months ago because I hated that I had it and I didn't want him to treat me differently. The only thing that's changed since telling him is now he pays attention to stories about aspergers so he can better understand what I'm going through.









On a related but seperate note, aspergers no longer is. It's officially classified as an autism spectrum disorder now.









Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
ilana_ny
by on Feb. 21, 2013 at 6:33 PM

;-) My mom thinks that as long as you eat and don't have a fever you are OK. :-)

Quoting Mrsfarr:

Your family sounds a lot like mine. It took them two years to get me glasses. They kept telling me I was faking my poor eyesight for the attention. They finally figured if my brother needed glasses, maybe I did too.


Quoting ilana_ny:

I can't imagine how hard it is for you.

I'm 30yo, and for the last 10 years I really think that I have ADHD. I could never concentrate in any of my classes. I really tried, but it really seemed impossible to me.

My teachers and my parents was telling me that I'm just too lazy. I knew I was trying my best, I could never even read a whole book. I have to reread the same page 2-3 times. My mind was always somewhere else. Even now it takes me forever to do simple things. Cleaning the house, sometimes, takes forever.

Nobody in my family believe me that I have a problem, they just say that Im just trying to hide my laziness. It is really hard. Especially if don't have any support from your family.




Quoting Mrsfarr:

I'm sorry if I seemed offended. I was just trying to explain it as best I could. I can't really control my symptoms. I can sort of get around them in peculiar ways. Like standing at an angle and looking at people's ear so it appears as though I'm looking them in the eye. When I get frustrated or upset, I really can't control anything and I shut down. It's a lot like a three year old throwing a tantrum. But, I try to avoid situations that I know might trigger a reaction like that from me.






Quoting ilana_ny:

Im sorry if I offended you, i am very curious. I really thought that a person cant control their symptoms. If you can control your symptoms does it mean that you no longer have Aspergers? Is it possible that you never had it, maybe you are just really shy and socially awkward.?

Quoting Mrsfarr:

Aspergers is a very high functioning form of autism. People have it to varying degrees. Mine is a fairly mild form and I've worked in therapy to counteract some of my symptoms.



On top of never actually saying "I have aspergers", I learned to appear to look people in the eye, I drew on my experiences in therapy to help me through difficult situations, and I avoided triggers that I knew would upset me and make things worse. It's easy to hide anything when someone doesn't know anything about it.











Quoting ilana_ny:

Can you explain how can someone hide that they have Autism? Is it possible? 

Quoting Mrsfarr:

I have aspergers. I hid it from my husband until just a few months ago because I hated that I had it and I didn't want him to treat me differently. The only thing that's changed since telling him is now he pays attention to stories about aspergers so he can better understand what I'm going through.









On a related but seperate note, aspergers no longer is. It's officially classified as an autism spectrum disorder now.










GirlWithANikon
by Bronze Member on Feb. 22, 2013 at 2:49 AM

Maybe he is looking for something though. I swore up and down, as did many people I know I was bi polar, even a dr did. Come to find out nope.

I just scored way above the diagnostic 31 on this test http://www.aspergerstestsite.com/75/autism-spectrum-quotient-aq-test/#.USciXFfNk35 and took two others that said I have aspergers. I don't lol.

Maybe he doesnt want an offical DX bc he is worried he is wrong and doesnt have aspbergers and he just feels different. I would support his choice to go. I would let him know that lots of people have lots of different kinks or issues but everyones got some stuff, thats what makes us all normal.

bluedolly01
by on Feb. 22, 2013 at 3:31 AM
Its the opposite actually - he is absolutely convinced that he has it.

He is 54 though and just doesn't see that an official dx will make any difference at this point in his/our life and I agree with him.




Quoting GirlWithANikon:

Maybe he is looking for something though. I swore up and down, as did many people I know I was bi polar, even a dr did. Come to find out nope.

I just scored way above the diagnostic 31 on this test http://www.aspergerstestsite.com/75/autism-spectrum-quotient-aq-test/#.USciXFfNk35 and took two others that said I have aspergers. I don't lol.

Maybe he doesnt want an offical DX bc he is worried he is wrong and doesnt have aspbergers and he just feels different. I would support his choice to go. I would let him know that lots of people have lots of different kinks or issues but everyones got some stuff, thats what makes us all normal.


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