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Diagnosed with Asperger's as an adult * long * PIOG Posted by bluedolly

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I was just wondering if any of you lovely ladies has had to deal with a SO being diagnosed with Asperger's as an adult. My DH strongly suspects that he may have it but he won't go to the Dr to be officially diagnosed because "it won't change anything". He has done a number of online tests that have all showed very high probability of him having it. DH is significantly older than me and his mother was completely clueless her whole life, grew up in an institution because his mother was unable to care for her 5 kids but would not let other family members care for the children in case get became "attached" which might go some way to explaining why it wasn't picked up as a child and it wasn't until recently when we actually met an adult with Asperger's that things clicked into place. I really don't care whether or not he gets officially diagnosed but I am interested in hearing from the partners of people who have Asperger's, hearing your experiences and specifically how did/do you deal with it.
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by on Feb. 20, 2013 at 3:20 PM
Replies (31-40):
bluedolly01
by Member on Feb. 22, 2013 at 3:32 AM
Its the opposite actually - he is absolutely convinced that he has it.

He is 54 though and just doesn't see that an official dx will make any difference at this point in his/our life and I agree with him.




Quoting GirlWithANikon:

Maybe he is looking for something though. I swore up and down, as did many people I know I was bi polar, even a dr did. Come to find out nope.

I just scored way above the diagnostic 31 on this test http://www.aspergerstestsite.com/75/autism-spectrum-quotient-aq-test/#.USciXFfNk35 and took two others that said I have aspergers. I don't lol.

Maybe he doesnt want an offical DX bc he is worried he is wrong and doesnt have aspbergers and he just feels different. I would support his choice to go. I would let him know that lots of people have lots of different kinks or issues but everyones got some stuff, thats what makes us all normal.


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GirlWithANikon
by Bronze Member on Feb. 22, 2013 at 3:45 AM

If he doesnt see the point why does he discuss it and test him self?


Quoting bluedolly01:

Its the opposite actually - he is absolutely convinced that he has it.

He is 54 though and just doesn't see that an official dx will make any difference at this point in his/our life and I agree with him.




Quoting GirlWithANikon:

Maybe he is looking for something though. I swore up and down, as did many people I know I was bi polar, even a dr did. Come to find out nope.

I just scored way above the diagnostic 31 on this test http://www.aspergerstestsite.com/75/autism-spectrum-quotient-aq-test/#.USciXFfNk35 and took two others that said I have aspergers. I don't lol.

Maybe he doesnt want an offical DX bc he is worried he is wrong and doesnt have aspbergers and he just feels different. I would support his choice to go. I would let him know that lots of people have lots of different kinks or issues but everyones got some stuff, thats what makes us all normal.




kali_mom
by on Feb. 26, 2013 at 12:40 PM
I don't have any experience with it but I commend you for seeking out support and guidance. Hopefully you can find some groups specific to partners of those who have or show signs of it and can get some assistance. Good luck !
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Jmt59
by on Feb. 26, 2013 at 12:46 PM

I believe my ex lover has Asperger's. My therapist suspects she has it. She has been obsessive during our 25 year relationship, but the final straw was losing her to an internet "fan club' site. She has become so unfeeling that she could fall asleep while I was crying about our lost life which includes my adult children and our grandchildren. I fanally had to leave the home we both own and move to Rochester with my daughter and her family. I don't see her ever coming out of this one and I have to move on. This isn't easy for me.

bluedolly01
by Member on Feb. 26, 2013 at 3:23 PM
Its not like he talks about it constantly. He has only recently started to suspect that he has it, of course he is going to talk to me about it. He self tested because he wanted to know, he doesn't do a number of tests all the time, it was one day where he did a few tests, we discussed the results.

He is worried that he may have passed it onto our children (something I think is worth discussing).

He doesn't feel that an official diagnosis will change or benefit our lives in anyway. I don't mind either way.

I met him and loved him foibles and all before he suspected this, a diagnosis isn't going to change that, I don't think our children have it so no need for an official diagnosis.

As for using it a a crutch, if anything he has been more of an effort to understand my feelings. Its seems like it might actually be a good thing for our relationship.




Quoting GirlWithANikon:

If he doesnt see the point why does he discuss it and test him self?



Quoting bluedolly01:

Its the opposite actually - he is absolutely convinced that he has it.



He is 54 though and just doesn't see that an official dx will make any difference at this point in his/our life and I agree with him.









Quoting GirlWithANikon:

Maybe he is looking for something though. I swore up and down, as did many people I know I was bi polar, even a dr did. Come to find out nope.

I just scored way above the diagnostic 31 on this test http://www.aspergerstestsite.com/75/autism-spectrum-quotient-aq-test/#.USciXFfNk35 and took two others that said I have aspergers. I don't lol.

Maybe he doesnt want an offical DX bc he is worried he is wrong and doesnt have aspbergers and he just feels different. I would support his choice to go. I would let him know that lots of people have lots of different kinks or issues but everyones got some stuff, thats what makes us all normal.







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bluedolly01
by Member on Feb. 26, 2013 at 3:23 PM
The whole obsessive thing? Yeah I get that. We recently had a rental inspection and he got so focused on the shower being clean - it took him 2 1/2 days to do JUST the glass and it still wasn't done. Just a most recent example of his obsessive behavior.




Quoting Jmt59:

I believe my ex lover has Asperger's. My therapist suspects she has it. She has been obsessive during our 25 year relationship, but the final straw was losing her to an internet "fan club' site. She has become so unfeeling that she could fall asleep while I was crying about our lost life which includes my adult children and our grandchildren. I fanally had to leave the home we both own and move to Rochester with my daughter and her family. I don't see her ever coming out of this one and I have to move on. This isn't easy for me.


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bluedolly01
by Member on Feb. 26, 2013 at 3:37 PM
Thank you.

I do have my husbands cousin to talk to (her husband was dx as an adult but we didn't know this until AFTER my DH started suspecting) but I would like to talk to other people about it for different experiences if that makes sense?


Quoting kali_mom:

I don't have any experience with it but I commend you for seeking out support and guidance. Hopefully you can find some groups specific to partners of those who have or show signs of it and can get some assistance. Good luck !

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504bbymami
by Bronze Member on Feb. 26, 2013 at 3:38 PM
Why did you say in the title "posted by bluedolly"??
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bluedolly01
by Member on Feb. 26, 2013 at 5:56 PM
1 mom liked this
It was an accident. I copied and pasted because I also posted the question in other groups. I am mobile and it occasionally does weird stuff.


Quoting 504bbymami:

Why did you say in the title "posted by bluedolly"??

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Conner_Ian
by Member on Mar. 31, 2013 at 9:24 PM

Before 5yrs I think

Quoting bluedolly01:

How old were you when you were diagnosed?



Quoting Conner_Ian:

I have it.



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