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How to Help Your Marriage: Don't Be a Jerk - What does your partner do that usually annoys you?

Posted by on Feb. 21, 2013 at 2:36 PM
  • 12 Replies

How to Help Your Marriage: Don't Be a Jerk

Posted by Kristen Chase on February 20, 2013

Don't be a jerk in your marriage! Every time I go away, my husband decides it's the perfect time to do major home improvement projects, which makes so much sense since he's alone with four children.

I know I should be grateful because it's awesome to have someone who is so ambitious, but the problem is that the projects never actually get done. The ceiling in the girls' room is still unpainted. Our shower was unusable for a week. And what exactly are the kids doing while he's putting in our closet? Honestly, it becomes more of a hassle than a help.

But since my goal for 2013 is to work on my marriage, I've been trying to change my attitude. And maybe, just maybe, it's working.

While I was in New York City throwing a party, my husband decided to redo our kids' bathroom, and like times before, when I returned, it was still incomplete. No light, no sink, and no working shower.

And like times before, I moaned and groaned, and gave him a pretty hard time about starting something and not finishing it. He apologized and told me that he wanted to surprise me and "Hey, see the cool new hooks on the wall and the nice paint!" to which I looked, then sighed as I always do. 

Basically, I was a complete jerk

After thinking about how I had spoken to him, I realized a few important things:

1. His intention was not to annoy me, but surprise me and make me happy. He was trying to do something awesome.

2. The bathroom wasn't really in use in the first place, except for the sink, and considering we have two other bathrooms, it was a minor inconvenience for the kids to move for a couple of days until he finished.

3. I would probably have never done the bathroom myself, so it was either have him do it and get it half done for now, or me never do it all.

Then I felt really bad for being a jerk.

Now look, there are a few things he could have done as well, like get some help to finish the project, or find a sitter so he could get more done. As incredible as the intention of this is, I think it's important to be realistic and understand the time involved.

But still, I decided that the good outweighed the inconvenient in this case, and told him so with a card. Nothing fancy, just a word of thanks to acknowledge his effort. 

Apparently even though the sink and the light weren't working in the bathroom, the mirror was. Glad I stopped to take a look.

What stuff does your partner do that usually annoys you but really might actually be awesome?

by on Feb. 21, 2013 at 2:36 PM
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Replies (1-10):
143myboys9496
by Bronze Member on Feb. 22, 2013 at 3:53 AM

 The 2 most annoying things my dh does, are 1-make me repeat myself..he's constantly saying "what?" and 2-interrupts me. (drives me batty).

90% of the time, we end up making a joke about it. If he's said "what' to me for the 10th time in 5 mins, I'll say something like "Elmer, time for a new battery" or "and they wonder why women use more words"...and he'll come back with "well, you know men, we hear better out of the right ear, you were talking to my left"...LOL It's something silly he heard on the radio. Or he'll take a paper cup or a funnel to his ear and go "eh?"...lmao

When he's interrupted me for the upteenth time, I'll say "did you actually want an answer or are you just asking questions?" with a huge smile on my face. He'll ask like 5 silly questions all in a row and we'll both start laughing.

Most of anything that one of us does that may annoy the other is treated with humor. We both know our faults and don't take ourselves or each other super seriously. For what purpose? To fight? So one of us can have it our way?

idk, maybe it's because we've been married for almsot 22 years..maybe not..

AM-BRAT
by Amber on Feb. 22, 2013 at 4:57 AM
Dh is an angel. The partner everyone hopes for. Perfect father and husband, house mate, lover, etc.



But he has money issues. NEEDS TO HAVE IT. NEEDS TO SPEND IT. ON HIMSELF. AT THE COST OF MY SANITY. CAN'T STOP.



We're working on it. :)
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Momz1025
by on Feb. 22, 2013 at 10:21 AM

He acts like he told me something( things I feel I should know) when he knows he didntfrustratedand when I ask him why didnt you tell me he says HUH?! Lol! MEN! And he often tries to take over my conversation? I just want to squeeze his neck!! I know Im Bad!

offrdngal
by Terri on Feb. 22, 2013 at 10:41 AM

 He stands in the doorway (with the door open) to smoke.  It doesn't matter how cold it is. 

On one hand, it's good that he doesn't smoke "in the house", but for f**k's sake...when polar bears are walking around outside...SHUT THE DAMN DOOR!!! 

IWantLotsOfKids
by on Feb. 22, 2013 at 10:51 AM
My husband is awesome, don't get me wrong.......with that said, LOL, he starts home remodeling and NEVER fully finishes them. Only two rooms in my house have crown molding, three light fixtures are literally hanging from the ceilings, master bathroom.....OMG!!!! Bad shape! I could go on and on about that!
Also, he plays some stupid video game on the computer. When he could be spending time with kids or myself, he is playing that! Which pisses me off. Bad!!!!! And when I bring it up to him, he gets all offended and says what does it matter?
Lastly, and most recently, my son was very ill and wouldn't sleep all night. Dh doesn't really get up with the kids because he works and I am a sahm. But when Dh gets home.from work, he is so tired and needs a nap,apparently a 2 1/2 hour one when my 37 week prego butt got 2 hours of sleep the niht before, I feel terrible, and we have 4 children I've tended to all day! Wtf?!?!? He's done that several times in the past!
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Bmat
by Barb on Feb. 22, 2013 at 11:54 AM

He does a lot of things and I am not always as appreciative as I could be. I've tried to be more careful about this.

Bmat
by Barb on Feb. 22, 2013 at 11:55 AM

LOL! Well... good intentions. :)  When my husband doesn't finish something after a long time I usually hire a handyman to come in and finish up things- I don't make a big deal about it, but then the task gets done.

Quoting IWantLotsOfKids:

My husband is awesome, don't get me wrong.......with that said, LOL, he starts home remodeling and NEVER fully finishes them. Only two rooms in my house have crown molding, three light fixtures are literally hanging from the ceilings, master bathroom.....OMG!!!! Bad shape! I could go on and on about that!
Also, he plays some stupid video game on the computer. When he could be spending time with kids or myself, he is playing that! Which pisses me off. Bad!!!!! And when I bring it up to him, he gets all offended and says what does it matter?
Lastly, and most recently, my son was very ill and wouldn't sleep all night. Dh doesn't really get up with the kids because he works and I am a sahm. But when Dh gets home.from work, he is so tired and needs a nap,apparently a 2 1/2 hour one when my 37 week prego butt got 2 hours of sleep the niht before, I feel terrible, and we have 4 children I've tended to all day! Wtf?!?!? He's done that several times in the past!


boshs1andonly
by on Feb. 22, 2013 at 11:57 AM

my dh has a tendency to take over things, but I know he means well lol. Like when I said I would make us a headboard and asked him one question about it, then he's like, well we'll know more after we design it. and i'm like wait, what? lol. but he's a designer and he has a better eye than me so I know it will be better with his help, and I do know he means well. I just think it's kind of funny (or a little irritating depending on my mood lol) that he just steps in and takes over. 

MomOfNolan
by on Feb. 22, 2013 at 12:04 PM

 My husband is pretty great, really we don't fight or argue.  We know our boundaries and limits and tread lightly when aproaching! 

However, my only complaint is that my MIL is THAT mom who would fix 8 different meals if her kids asked for it.  Her husband couldn't tell you where the glasses or water are in the kitchen, he's never had to get a drink for himself.... he never changed a diaper... you get the idea.  She loves waiting on her family hand and foot (not going to lie, I kind of enjoy it when visiting them).  Anyway, my husband knows that I am not that same type of person, I do cook most every meal, I do the laundry and iron his clothes and do pretty much all of the housework (and some yardwork), but I am not his mother.  Sometimes he forgets that, and sets his expectations a little higher than I am willing to stretch. 

I just gently remind him where is place is, and all is good ;) 

Allebas
by Member on Feb. 22, 2013 at 1:17 PM

My DH drives me NUTS with his procrastination!!! GRRRR!!! We have a 2-car garage!! It is so hard to get in/out of our cars b/c he has a TON of CRAP from work that is in the garage!!! This crap has been sitting in my garage for over 5 years now!! I cannot touch any of it, b/c some it goes back to the company he works for--and some of it needs to be hauled away to the dump!! Of course, since its HIS crap, IDK which crap needs to go back to his work, and which crap could go to the dump!! Believe me!! If I knew which crap could go to the dump, it would have been hauled away a long, long, long time ago!!!! I am one of those ppl who takes care of getting rid of unneeded junk in a timely manner!! He does not! Of course, he was raised by parents who don't believe in getting rid of things that are of no use any more! When I first met DH, his parents owned--I kid you not--5 cars that did not run at all!! The city got called in b/c you are not allowed to have non-running cars sitting in your yard for more than "X" amount of time! These cars had been sitting for years!! The city came out and told them they get rid of the cars within one month, or else they would start charging $100/day per car!! So ya! You better believe they got rid of those nasty cars and fast!! I was really shocked when DH sold his non-running car for $50!! ROFL!! ROFL!! YEP!! Some lady who owns a junkyard and has grown sons who are car mechanics came by and told him she would give him $50 for it!! TOO FUNNY!!!

My MIL has a motorhome that is so old, you cannot get parts for it anymore! There was a part that went out on it, and my FIL tried to get the part at junk yards, but of course, none of the junkyards had this part, as someone else had had the same problem with their motorhome! My FIL died in 2001. My MIL still has this junky, old motorhome sitting in her yard that cannot be driven b/c it is missing this part that you cannot get! GAH!! YEP!! If it doesn't make sense, you can be rest assured that is the way my MIL will do things!!

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