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My little girl is about to be 7 weeks old tomorrow and my boyfriend/her father is trying to make her self soothe by putting her alone in our room on the bed. She screams and screams and it breaks my heart! Is it too soon for her to be put through that or should I just ingore my discomfort at her being so alone and let her try and self soothe?

by on Feb. 21, 2013 at 6:02 PM
Replies (31-40):
Zazayam
by Bronze Member on Feb. 21, 2013 at 8:45 PM

I personally never did the self soothe thing, they ONLY cry for a reason. I'd let my toddler cry out a tantrum, but that's not the same at all. And I would never leave a baby alone on a bed like that, they could get seriously hurt. :(

F1st_time
by on Feb. 22, 2013 at 4:48 PM

I want to hold her and cuddle her and love on her, but every time I go to pick her up he yells at me to put her down, all I wanted was support from other moms but it seems all most of you are doing are judging me and calling me a bad mother. Thank you to the few of you that are on my side and giving actual advice instead of judgement. And for everyones information, she has her boppy and a bunch of pillows around her when he puts her on our bed AND I'm sitting in the room watching her.


Quoting Thelmama:

I think that is why she is asking.  She doesn't want to do that, he does.  She I think is looking for back up from other Mamas.  From her post it isn't her wanting to leave the baby alone to cry, it is the guy in the relationship.

Quoting stargaze281:


How can a person leave a 7 week old alone on a bed crying ther lungs out?! And say that we want to teach the baby to self soothe?! Thats delusional to me and also sounds to me that they must be too exhausted to hold and comfort baby, so let's leave the baby on the bed alone. NOT.

Quoting ZakkarysMom:

YOU sound delusional. Who is making up "excuses"?


Quoting stargaze281:

Uhh what?! Thats so ridiculous. You should always comfort your baby, you people sound delusional to me! How about you all stop making excuses and take care of your baby. bad







Thelmama
by Member on Feb. 22, 2013 at 4:55 PM

You need to google the importance of infant cuddling and bonding and print it out, sit down with him and discuss it with. Better yet tell him the Amercian Academy of Pedatrics does not support CIO at this age and the reasons why. Be up front with him and explain that your baby is helpless and can not speak for herself and that he is going to have to adjust that her needs will be met. If he gets abusive or what not, then you have your answer as to whether he is going to be a good father and so in your relationship. You need to tell him how strongly you feel and if he isn't willing to support you then you two have some serious issues. Be open and honest with him. He may feel jealous of the baby. Reassure him you aren't ingnoring his needs for hers, but that in this stage it is the way it is. If he can't be a grown up about it, you need to either get counseling with him or make some decisions. A man who will ignore the needs of an infant and yell at the mother for meeting those needs has some serious issues.  I see red  flags.  Good luck and don't let him badger you into going against what you feel is best for your baby.

Quoting F1st_time:

I want to hold her and cuddle her and love on her, but every time I go to pick her up he yells at me to put her down, all I wanted was support from other moms but it seems all most of you are doing are judging me and calling me a bad mother. Thank you to the few of you that are on my side and giving actual advice instead of judgement. And for everyones information, she has her boppy and a bunch of pillows around her when he puts her on our bed AND I'm sitting in the room watching her.


Quoting Thelmama:

I think that is why she is asking.  She doesn't want to do that, he does.  She I think is looking for back up from other Mamas.  From her post it isn't her wanting to leave the baby alone to cry, it is the guy in the relationship.

Quoting stargaze281:


How can a person leave a 7 week old alone on a bed crying ther lungs out?! And say that we want to teach the baby to self soothe?! Thats delusional to me and also sounds to me that they must be too exhausted to hold and comfort baby, so let's leave the baby on the bed alone. NOT.

Quoting ZakkarysMom:

YOU sound delusional. Who is making up "excuses"?


Quoting stargaze281:

Uhh what?! Thats so ridiculous. You should always comfort your baby, you people sound delusional to me! How about you all stop making excuses and take care of your baby. bad








amberbamber0213
by on Feb. 22, 2013 at 5:02 PM

WAY WAY WAY TO YOUNG!!!!!! I waited till mine was 6 months old. thats just cruel. this baby is 7 weeks old. it dont comprehend the ability to cry just to cry for no reason like older babies. on top of it you leave the baby alone on the bed?????? this is insane.

amberbamber0213
by on Feb. 22, 2013 at 5:04 PM
1 mom liked this

I would tell you BF that he didnt carry in give birth to that baby and to STFU and if he dont like it to hit the door.

jackiewal10
by Gold Member on Feb. 22, 2013 at 5:48 PM

You need to put your foot down with him.  He obviously has NO idea what he's talking about.  Google information on CIO and make him read it.  Find info that is written by doctors.  Better yet, take him to a pedi appointment with you and have the PEDIATRICIAN tell him that he is doing potential harm to her.  She is too young.  And pillows and a boppy being around her aren't necessarily any better.  Those pose a suffocation risk.  Yeah, it probably removes the risk of her falling off the bed, but...  Also, if you're sitting in the room, she KNOWS you're there.  She can smell you, even if she can't hear you.  

Quoting F1st_time:

I want to hold her and cuddle her and love on her, but every time I go to pick her up he yells at me to put her down, all I wanted was support from other moms but it seems all most of you are doing are judging me and calling me a bad mother. Thank you to the few of you that are on my side and giving actual advice instead of judgement. And for everyones information, she has her boppy and a bunch of pillows around her when he puts her on our bed AND I'm sitting in the room watching her.


Quoting Thelmama:

I think that is why she is asking.  She doesn't want to do that, he does.  She I think is looking for back up from other Mamas.  From her post it isn't her wanting to leave the baby alone to cry, it is the guy in the relationship.

Quoting stargaze281:


How can a person leave a 7 week old alone on a bed crying ther lungs out?! And say that we want to teach the baby to self soothe?! Thats delusional to me and also sounds to me that they must be too exhausted to hold and comfort baby, so let's leave the baby on the bed alone. NOT.

Quoting ZakkarysMom:

YOU sound delusional. Who is making up "excuses"?


Quoting stargaze281:

Uhh what?! Thats so ridiculous. You should always comfort your baby, you people sound delusional to me! How about you all stop making excuses and take care of your baby. bad








MMerrill
by on Feb. 22, 2013 at 5:56 PM

If my son is just "whimpering" or like a soft cry where I can tell he is getting uncomfortable and about to start crying, I will leave him alone and see what he does, sometimes he will chew on his hand or start looking around and stop, but anything after a brief minute or two I get him because that is just too young to be left alone to scream their lungs out.

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emmy526
by Silver Member on Feb. 22, 2013 at 6:25 PM


He YELLS at you??!!!? Wtf is with that?? NO respectful husband YELLS at his wife who is  new mother...sounds like his head should be examined and you need to see it as a big RED FLAG,  and it's def not okay for him to treat you like that.  What's down the line for you as a mother if he's pulling this now?  Sounds like misery to me, imo...he won't get better, unless he wants to...remember that.   You should do whatever you need to do to soothe and comfort your baby, and meet her needs, and if  he doesn't like it, well, you have some choices to think about in the very near future. 

Quoting F1st_time:

I want to hold her and cuddle her and love on her, but every time I go to pick her up he yells at me to put her down, all I wanted was support from other moms but it seems all most of you are doing are judging me and calling me a bad mother. Thank you to the few of you that are on my side and giving actual advice instead of judgement. And for everyones information, she has her boppy and a bunch of pillows around her when he puts her on our bed AND I'm sitting in the room watching her.


Quoting Thelmama:

I think that is why she is asking.  She doesn't want to do that, he does.  She I think is looking for back up from other Mamas.  From her post it isn't her wanting to leave the baby alone to cry, it is the guy in the relationship.

Quoting stargaze281:


How can a person leave a 7 week old alone on a bed crying ther lungs out?! And say that we want to teach the baby to self soothe?! Thats delusional to me and also sounds to me that they must be too exhausted to hold and comfort baby, so let's leave the baby on the bed alone. NOT.

Quoting ZakkarysMom:

YOU sound delusional. Who is making up "excuses"?


Quoting stargaze281:

Uhh what?! Thats so ridiculous. You should always comfort your baby, you people sound delusional to me! How about you all stop making excuses and take care of your baby. bad









beadingmom17
by Bronze Member on Feb. 22, 2013 at 6:28 PM
I did CIO, but at 7 weeks, it is WAY too soon to self-soothe! That's just cruel at this age...infants need to be soothed by mom or dad. Your boyfriend is an idiot.

Pick up your baby, momma, and hold her tight and if he says anything, tell him to kick rocks.
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Mommy2justone
by Mommy2justtwo on Feb. 22, 2013 at 6:33 PM

Yes, far too soon. Even if I was pro CIO, I would say that is WAY too young. 

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