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Advice for Moms Advice for Moms

Vague Problem-Advice Needed

Posted by on Feb. 21, 2013 at 10:59 PM
  • 10 Replies


I was hoping I could get some advice from all of the mommies who are experienced with the 3's.  Lately every time I try take my 3 year old son to his playgroup (or any of the other few things in our small town, Library, Gymboree, etc.) he does not want to go, and when I take him against his will, he will then cry to go home for the entirety of the session.  He will object when I announce that "today is Playgroup day" or etc.  When we're at home, he doesn't want to play either, he just wanders around whining, or lying about on the floor as if he is bored.  I try to play with him, or make up games, take him on outings, art, play doh, bike riding, planting flowers, etc. etc. etc. the list goes on and on but he's just not happy.  He acts as if (to me) he wants someone to play with, but will not play with other children when I take him to the places where other children are.  He does enjoy playing with other boys, but ones who are several years older than he is, so that he can speak to them, and of course they will be in school all day.  Most of the children in the playgroup and other activities he goes to are younger or around the same age as he is, but do not speak as well.    I am pretty much at the end of my ability to sit around the house alone all day, every day, going several days at a time without speaking to another adult or person other than a 3 year old.  If you have any advice for me, that would be great.  Thanks in advance.


by on Feb. 21, 2013 at 10:59 PM
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Replies (1-10):
ali840
by Member on Feb. 21, 2013 at 11:35 PM
1 mom liked this
How long has this been going on? It's probably just a phase. I have had this happen with my kids and you kind of just have to ignore it. It's great that you play games with him but don't let him get too used to you entertaining him. It's really important that he learn to use his imagination and play by himself. Be sure to limit screen time, too. It's tough, but he'll figure out that playing is more fun than whining.
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kali_mom
by on Feb. 22, 2013 at 1:54 PM
Sounds as if he is really advanced and needs additional stimulation to satisfy his inquisitive needs. I would look into preschool programs that will have children at or above his range and speak with the director of the places you visit and express your concerns.
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la_bella_vita
by Gold Member on Feb. 22, 2013 at 2:20 PM

 Not sure, my kid's love playgroup and library day, lol.

I was kind of like this as a kid. I needed alone time. I liked to read but still hung out with friends.

Bmat
by Barb on Feb. 22, 2013 at 2:58 PM

I agree. Perhaps some more advanced toys or games that would involve his imagination more.

Quoting ali840:

How long has this been going on? It's probably just a phase. I have had this happen with my kids and you kind of just have to ignore it. It's great that you play games with him but don't let him get too used to you entertaining him. It's really important that he learn to use his imagination and play by himself. Be sure to limit screen time, too. It's tough, but he'll figure out that playing is more fun than whining.


kirbymom
by Bronze Member on Feb. 22, 2013 at 4:55 PM

Sounds like your son is more advanced than his age level peers. Perhaps you should get a few  more advanced toys that he can relate to and play with.  

Coffee247Needed
by Member on Feb. 22, 2013 at 6:01 PM
Does he do this only with children he doesnt know or with everyone? There are children with slight forms of autism and other forms that do not do well with other children or strange situations. And at times it wont present itself until age 3 or later. You may want to discuss this with his doctor even if just to rule it out.
Pukalani79
by Bronze Member on Feb. 25, 2013 at 11:51 AM

 If he throws a fit every time you take him to the play group, I'd quit taking him.  Even though you dont homeschool, you might look for a local hs group and see if anyone has children a few years older than yours and explain the situation. You may be able to arrange a meetup at a park or something and see what happens.

June55
by on Feb. 25, 2013 at 12:45 PM
My oldest son turned into a terror at three. He spoke at a very young age.at one yr he was using fully formed sentences and used words beyond the comprehension of most 2 yr olds. He asked questions like... Mommy y is the sky blue? If I said because God made it that way , he wouldn't accept such answers. He actually wanted a scientific explanation. My son threw tantrums, ripped the curtains off his bedroom window, pulled out his dresser drawers and dumped them out. He pulled the sheets off his be and even dragged his mattress off his bed. I was at my wits end. I took him to a psychiatrist, because I was at the end of my rope. She found out that my child was as frustrated as I was. He was bored to death at home. I immediately enrolled him in preschool. My lovely cooperative smiling son came back! He loved school. We actually ended up sending him to kindergarten at a private school when he was 4. Your son sounds frustrated and bored. The fact that he wants to interact with infer boys is a huge hint to me that he finds children his own age hard to relate too. Other 3 yr olds are happy making mud pies or playing in the sandbox. Your son wants conversations with boys on his level of intelligence, go to a doctor, let them observe him and test him. The testing is more like a play session. Instead of thinking he may have a form of autism and worrying, you might find out u have a genius on your hands. Good luck! You can do this. When u find the answer to your boys' behavior it will completely change your relationship and attitude towards him. Your son is crying out for help the only way he knows how to, by acting out.
Sagely
by Bronze Member on Feb. 25, 2013 at 12:50 PM

Sounds like kids his age and younger are boring and annoying to him.  I bet you could find a playgroup for parents of 4 year olds he could join.  Or enroll him in part-time/half day/morning preschool.


A girlfriend of mine's dd is a year ahead in her development.  She's a year younger than dd, but gets along with her and dd's friends fabulously.  Put her with kids her age, and she'll beat the crap out of them.  Her mother has had to fight tooth and nail to get her dd placed in the older classes at church for Sunday school and so on, but she readily admits it was worth it.

DarlaHood
by on Feb. 26, 2013 at 4:47 AM

Have you asked him why he doesn't want to go?  I'm assuming you have, since you've tried a lot of things, but I would be interested to know his response.

Some kids really don't do well with "surprises" meaning that they need time to transition from one activity (or the thought of it) to another.  It's like when you are at work late, and you are looking forward to your pj's, some popcorn, and a good movie, but you get home and dh announces, "Hey, glad you made it in time for the dinner tonight."  Then you realize it completely escaped your mind that there is a dinner party in an hour with your husband's boss and hise wife. 

Your tired, you're not expecting it, and now you have to do something you didn't plan to.  If you're like me, I'd like to throw a tantrum in this situation, but of course as an adult I don't.

So maybe put a calendar up.  You could use markers, dry-erase, magnets, or whatever so that you can wipe it off or clean it.  You and ds could make it together, and he can draw the picture symbol for his play groups and activities.  Then every day you look at the calendar to see what's on their together, and every night you see what you will be doing the next day!  

It could make it easier for him if he knows it is coming in advance. 

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