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Advice for Moms Advice for Moms

18 year old daughter wants to go on birth control. need advice

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Hello, My 18 year old is in her first serious relationship. She has always been very open with me about sex. She came to me and said she is still a virgin buts wants to get on birth control because she feels that they will have sex and she wants to be prepared. I admire her for coming to me and planning and I guess I can't be naive enough to think she will not ever have sex. My  husband has said before, absolutely not. I have made the dr.'s appointment and I want him to talk to  her, but should I tell my husband? should I even be doing this? Thanks,

by on Feb. 22, 2013 at 10:35 AM
Replies (131-137):
Donya90
by on Feb. 25, 2013 at 8:45 AM

I have gone thru this too. My daughter is now 20 and her sister is 16. I have always been honest with my girls about sex and all the responsibilities that go along with it. I also discussed the emotional ramifications. Like all moms, I want her to wait. When she came to me that she wanted to go on birth control and that she thought the guy she was with might be "the one". I helped her pic a doc (as she is legal age, I can't do this for her.) She made the appt and went. What my daughter does with her sex life is her choice. I am hoping all the talks, our morals and belief system ( We are Baptist but I grew up Jewish.) will kick in. She knows how I feel, and knows we will not allow it in our home. Nor would we support a live in boyfriend. My husband however is a different animal. He said that he trusted me to guide her and that was that. For my own piece of mind....Im glad she came to me. Im glad she is on birth control. Making sexual judgements is huge however, complicating life with an unplanned pregnancy to me is even bigger. Which would I rather do...I asked myself. Sit in the waiting room as she talks to the doc about her birth control options, or sitting in a different clinic as she discusses with the doc about abortion, adoption, etc. I chose to support the birth control. Good Luck! I will say a prayer for you and your daughter.

kbeeck
by on Feb. 25, 2013 at 9:22 AM

At least she's being responsible about it. It's better she came to you to go on the pill then to say, 'mom I'm pregnant.'  She's 18 not 15, I'm guessing she graduates this year anyway so it's better that she go on it now and make sure she knows that it takes a couple months for the pill to be affective. Sometimes you have to try different ones and it takes awhile to build up in your system for it to work.

zacmacsmomm
by Member on Feb. 25, 2013 at 10:12 AM

Um, she's 18.  She doesn't need you or your hub to make this decision or appointment.  Im glad she came to you, but she's not a child

PartyGalAnne
by on Feb. 25, 2013 at 12:21 PM

She's an adult. She doesn't need your permission.

ceciliam
by Cecilia on Feb. 25, 2013 at 12:25 PM

She's 18 and a legal adult....shouldn't it be her choice? As an adult though, she should be taking responsibility for it as far as setting up appointments and paying for it.

LuckyMomma86
by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 6:56 PM

Yes get her on it. If you dont you might be a grandma sooner or later.

I want my daughter on it when she gets older, a few months or a year after she starts purity. Whatever I can. Even if she's not sexually active, just in case. I dont want a pregnant teenager. Me and my fiance have a long time before that she's 2yrs old.

tonijustine
by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 7:29 PM

I have a friend who always told her teenage daughter that she could come to her to ask about and discuss sex. My friend said she had been told by teenage daughter that she wasn't sexually active and friend told her daughter, "If you want to have sex, come to me so we can get you on the pill."  Daughter never did come to her about sex and protection until she broke the news at 17, "Mom, I'm pregnant."

You have proof of her trust in you. Don't betray that trust. I would take her, but it is also a good time to have a refresher conversation about sex...not only STD's but the emotional aspect. She is responsible enough to talk to you about protection, she probably won't balk at another honest conversation about the emotional investment of sex. Not a lecture and not to talk her put of it, but as a mother trying to protect her daughter's heart as best a mom could.

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