Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

She got a spanking on her birthday

Posted by on Feb. 25, 2013 at 8:17 PM
  • 30 Replies

My DD turned 4 yesterday.  She was an absolute terror all day and the day before.  She screams and talks back.  She also hits, kicks, and pinches.  Sometimes she is so physical that I have to do a restraint hold on her until she calms down.  I've tried everything to make her stop.  We do time outs, I talk her through her feelings, I use a calm voice, we talk about why her behavior is wrong.  Sometimes I send her to her room to scream it out, sometimes I can reason with her and help her calm down. 

Ask my mother, I discipline all day and nothing seems to work.  I don't even know what to do anymore, it's just exhausting.

Yesterday she grabbed my hair and scratched my forehead hard enough to make it bleed.  Then before  bed she freaked out and started screaming so I spanked her and told her I was done and that she pushed it to far.  She cried and screamed a little more and I told her if she was going to keep it up I was going to spank her again.  She said "ok".  Stopped, and went to bed with just a few whimpers. 

It seems like I got through to her, but I don't want to do that all the time.  She knew she was wrong.  I just want my sweet little girl back.  Not this terror she has become over the last couple years.

by on Feb. 25, 2013 at 8:17 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
frndlyfn
by Platinum Member on Feb. 25, 2013 at 8:33 PM
2 moms liked this

Have you had her evaluated for anything biologically that could be going on?   Did she say why she grabbed your hair?  We do deep breathing exercises to help calm dd down when we see the first sign of her getting upset.  She is almost 7 so we take away a privelege instead of time outs.   To me it sounds like alot of impulse control problems and she acts out physically when frustrated.

crystalplus1
by Member on Feb. 25, 2013 at 8:52 PM
1 mom liked this

A lot of kids need one every now and then don't feel bad. I see spanking as a last resort and she sounds like she was asking for it all day.

Beth3721
by Member on Feb. 25, 2013 at 9:13 PM

 I have never had a her tested for anything other than an allergy to red dye.  Her skin breaks out in hives whereever she comes into contact with red dye--toothpaste, hair product, yogurt, popsicles, bathtime body paints, etc.  The doctor said it wasn't an allergy but a sensitivity and after researching I feel that food dyes and preservatives might be one of her issues.  When we have dye free days she seems to do much better and bedtime is so easy.  Only problem is that I have no support with this diet so when grandma, dad, and other relatives are around, they don't follow it.

I asked at school if she screamed at them when they told her no and her teacher said once in a while, but she was shocked when I told her the extent of it at home.  She said she hadn't seen anything like that from her but would keep on eye on it and try to help out.  It seems like she acts like this more with me than anyone else--so I don't know if it's really something she can't control, if you know what I mean

We have just started trying to get her to take deep breaths through her nose when I have her in a hold and then I let go when she is calm.  I also just made a time out bottle for her to focus on when she gets angry--we haven't had a chance to try it yet so we'll see if it works.


Quoting frndlyfn:

Have you had her evaluated for anything biologically that could be going on?   Did she say why she grabbed your hair?  We do deep breathing exercises to help calm dd down when we see the first sign of her getting upset.  She is almost 7 so we take away a privelege instead of time outs.   To me it sounds like alot of impulse control problems and she acts out physically when frustrated.


 

Beth3721
by Member on Feb. 25, 2013 at 9:14 PM

 Thanks.  I'm glad I'm not the only one who sees it as ok.  I just don't like to do it and I wish I could figure something else out for her.


Quoting crystalplus1:

A lot of kids need one every now and then don't feel bad. I see spanking as a last resort and she sounds like she was asking for it all day.


 

frndlyfn
by Platinum Member on Feb. 25, 2013 at 9:26 PM
1 mom liked this

I agree with others the spanking was a quick attention getter so she understood you meant business and really reached the end of patience.   I would be upset if no one supported you in the efforts of creating a healthier eating diet for her dye free.   Have you tried a positve reinforcement method rather than all negative consequences?  Perhaps start a marble jar for her like many classrooms have.   Our children will always push us moms harder since they know we wont give up.

sabrtooth1
by on Feb. 25, 2013 at 11:30 PM
1 mom liked this

Your dd may have a physical or emotional disorder, but even if she does, it's apparent that she acts out mostly with YOU.  You need to find a good counselor, and BOTH of you need to go, so the counselor can see the two of you in action together.

alexis_06
by AnnaLisa on Feb. 26, 2013 at 2:06 AM

 aww  :(  sometimes spankings are ok!

NearSeattleMom
by Gold Member on Feb. 26, 2013 at 3:56 AM

simple frownHopefully tomorrow's a better day!

Mommy2justone
by Mommy2justtwo on Feb. 26, 2013 at 9:37 AM

The DAY my daughter turned 4 a switch went off. We had to start using a different form of correction with her entirely. 
I would recommend asking her why she is so angry, and helping her to find the words.
We had this awesome poster with faces on it, and velcro, and it said "I am feeling" and she could put the face that was her feeling that moment on there. Then we would talk about it.
There are so many emotions going on at this age, and they just don't know how to control them or express them.
Good luck 

dee1603
by Gold Member on Feb. 26, 2013 at 9:38 AM
You have my support. Gotta do what you gotta do. Sometimes kids need a spankin.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)



Featured