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Advice for Moms Advice for Moms

Does anyone know how to keep custody of your child but have them in foster care?

by on Feb. 25, 2013 at 10:00 PM
Replies (31-39):
achorney
by Member on Feb. 26, 2013 at 6:56 AM

Not only do they become wards of the court, you will be expected to pay child support for them.

I grew up in foster care and heard about this all the time from my mother.

Perhaps there is another way. Maybe residential treatment program for his behavior. 

amberstars
by on Feb. 26, 2013 at 7:02 AM

I was in foster care for the first year of my life while a judge decided whether mom or dad would get custody of me.  Then when mom was given custody I was given back to mom. 

From what I know once the child is in foster care it is a ward of the state and you can't get it back.

Dragon, wife to Eagle.  Sister-wife to Swan and Rainbow.  Author, astronomer, world traveler, gamer, & reader.  Muslim revert.  In an inter-racial and cross-cultural marriage.


Dragon Eyes

kblpooh
by Member on Feb. 26, 2013 at 7:55 AM
I live in Vermont and we have something called a therapeutic foster home. It's a foster home with trained people to deal with challenging kids. We are able to place kids there without putting them into custody. The mental health system will pay for the stay there through a mental health waiver. It's a short term fix while the child and family receive the support needed. You should check to see if your state has anything like that. Good luck.


Quoting Anniesmom1020:

My son is out of control and I have tried everything and don't know what to do with him anymore. His actions are affecting my other children.


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Mommy2justone
by Mommy2justtwo on Feb. 26, 2013 at 9:13 AM

The state has guardianship but you still have custody actually. I am a foster parent and the child is still legally the parents until the parental rights are terminated. 
That is why you still have the right to visit your child, and you have the say if your child has their hair cut, etc.
 

iluvmy2somuch
by on Feb. 26, 2013 at 9:46 AM

I kind of want to know why you would want to do that? Anyways in Kansas my mom had no choice.. (We were out of options.) She had to (Abandon), which is what they called it, but what she did was vouluntarily gave us to the childrens homes care. They technically had no rights while we were in the system, had to get back on their feet and take parenting classes etc. Eight months later, they got us back. Full custody etc. 

Poohy1975
by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 2:01 AM

 I Know EXACTLY what you're going through. Six years ago I put my son in a group home because i could no longer protect him from himself, my other kids from him, or myself from him. My son just died on Jan. 14th. He had just recently hit 18. SO the group home he had been in for the last little over 4 years could no longer stop him from doing things that they were able to before because he had become of "legal" age(even though mentally he was only 9). He and two other children said they were going to go for a walk.Then they chose to ride bikes. It was dark they all had dark clothing on and only one boy had a flashlight. My son was struck by a car going 55 MPH and was killed instantly. I don't know if i will ever forgive myself for putting him in the group home. I mean i know deep down i did what was best for him and the rest of my family at the time. But now that i can no longer tell him 'I love you" or him give me a bear hug, i hate that i ever put him in the first one.I'm not saying don't do it,cause i know how hard it can be to deal with a violent child. But before you do make sure you have done EVERYTHING humanly possible to try and make things better for your whole family at home. What have you done if you don't mind me asking?

Quoting paganmommy4:

When a child is in foster care, they become wards of the court ( they have legal custody of your children) and its a super long process of earning the right to get your kids back.

 

Poohy1975
by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 2:12 AM

 Guess i should've continued reading replies before replying myself. First thing you need to do is do some MAJOR researching on all the meds he's on or has ever been on.They can actually make thing worse in the long run.After my son was born,at 29 weeks, i was told many times to prepare for his death. It really took a toll on me.SO much so that almost a year after he was born a psych diagnosed me as Bi-Polar. I was on up to 23 meds at one time for 17 years. One day  a psych gave me a med called Cymbalta.The first 6 weeks i was like a zombie.But then i was fine for about 3 weeks. Then all hell broke loose. I had very vivid nightmares remembering everything HORRIBLE i had ever went through. Finally i said enough was enough and stopped ALL meds.Since then,well except the first week which i would never be able to describe the hell i went thru then, I've been so much better.And as of this week no longer even have the label in my medical record,because  a Bi-polar can't go 6 years without meds and not have issues.

When my son was almost 4 a psych gave him a new med. The dose he wrote it for was for a 300 pound man.But i didn't know this until he was in a coma.DON"T always trust the docs/therapist.DO your research first. The same goes for the group homes,if that's the way you go. Don't just talk to the staff but ask to talk with the other kids and their parents.

Quoting Anniesmom1020:

Therapy, medication, time outs, talking to him, taking things away etc. He is 7

 

Poohy1975
by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 2:27 AM

 I will say i was told when my son was 3 and had to be locked up on his first 5150 that i should place him in a group home then instead of taking him home. I looked at them and told them to go to HE%$. But by the time he was 12 and a 1/2 i could no longer "safely" restrain him when he went into his rages. But i also have seen, my step daughter included, mothers that will say their children are out of control when they just need someone to lead them and discipline them in a different way. At the same time i hated it when people said that to me. I can't tell you how many different ways i tried to make him understand what he was doing was wrong. Last year ,even though they had done many brain scans before, they ran a different type of brain scan and found out he was missing a part of his pain that controlled memory and impulse control. Their are people ,agencies, teachers, doctors ,therapists out there that can help.You just have to push for it until you can push no more. If you have to, find someone that works in the system that will help you. It took me 12 years to get my son approved for Alta regional because he was borderline.The score needed to be below 70 ,he was always at 70. Finally because i pushed and bugged they finally approved him. His Alta Regional worker was at his memorial and is  a very special person to us.

PM  me if you need to.

tricia1332
by Member on Feb. 27, 2013 at 4:52 AM

When you sign a child over to the state(foster care) you lose temporary custody of them until you do what they say to get them back. 

If you are wanting to just sign them over you more than likely will not get them back. Instead find a relative to take the child/ren

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