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I just dont know anymore

Posted by on Feb. 26, 2013 at 7:32 PM
  • 15 Replies
I am so tired and fed up. My kids father has been living with me and recently lost his job so he has been collecting unemployment. He is a heavy marijuana smoker and whenever he does not have it he walks around with this bad attitude and is angry at everyone. So whenever he gets that way I try to stay out of his way and even make the kids keep their distance. Even though I have always felt that I would never marry him because of this and my inability to trust him I felt that it would do some good to have him around for help with the kids. I know that if we break up he will not have much to do with the kids so I am toughing it out just to have him around. don't get me wrong I do love him just not in that way anymore. We have been on and off over 10 years now and nothing seems to be getting any better. Everytime I try to talk to him about this he walks away and does not want to hear a word that I have to say. I have told him several times that he needs to get a place of his own and that we can still take care of the kids together just live separately. He does not take me serious at all. When I finally get mad enough and tell him to get out he will say that he is going to get back all the money for the car payments and that he's going to do something stupid. I know that he has a mean streak so I am really trying to take it easy. But lately we have been getting into it and the kids can hear everything. I just want out of this. My heart no longer wants to love him. There is a part of me that does not want to be alone again but I'd rather be lonely then live like this. I just dont know what to do. He has told me several times that he is not leaving. I do not want to have to get the law involved but he is not making this easy.
by on Feb. 26, 2013 at 7:32 PM
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Replies (1-10):
starfire59
by Member on Feb. 26, 2013 at 7:46 PM

 Honey, you are in a place called despair and scared. Trust me being alone does not mean being lonely. You haveto get some legal help and look into some help groups for women wanting to get out of a bad relationship. You are going nowhere with him. It's not easy being on your own, I know. But it can get better.

GELiz
by on Feb. 26, 2013 at 8:09 PM


yes, this,

Quoting starfire59:

 Honey, you are in a place called despair and scared. Trust me being alone does not mean being lonely. You haveto get some legal help and look into some help groups for women wanting to get out of a bad relationship. You are going nowhere with him. It's not easy being on your own, I know. But it can get better.



Mommy2justone
by Mommy2justtwo on Feb. 26, 2013 at 8:13 PM
Couldn't have said it better

Quoting starfire59:

 Honey, you are in a place called despair and scared. Trust me being alone does not mean being lonely. You haveto get some legal help and look into some help groups for women wanting to get out of a bad relationship. You are going nowhere with him. It's not easy being on your own, I know. But it can get better.

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LoreleiSieja
by Bronze Member on Feb. 27, 2013 at 9:57 AM
1 mom liked this

You need to break up with him, permanently.  He is not a good "father figure" right now.  He is not helping you financially, emotionally, and he is actually dangerous to have around the children.

Do you rent or own?  Whose name is on the lease/mortgage?  If you rent, can you break the lease?  The best thing to do is to move out - and leave him behind - if possible.  That's hard to do if the lease is in your name.  You'd have to get out of your lease somehow.

As for the car, can you try to sell it?  If his name is on the car loan, then he has a right to compensation when you two split.  If his name is not on anything, he is out of luck.  But so you don't have him threatening over you, try to sell the car, and find a way to equitably split any profits.  You will have to buy another car, then, but you can get one without his name being involved.  Maybe you'll have to "down grade" to something a little less guy-friendly and  more of a "mom" car - like a used mini-van?  He wouldn't WANT to own half of that.

Marijuana is NOT a safe drug, regardless of whether it is legal or not in your state.  As long as he is using, he will never become a dependable, responsible adult.  While he is impaired, he poses a potential threat to your children - as much as a heavy drinker could.  When the brain isn't clear, there's no telling what the body could do!

If you are very scared of him hurting you, or lashing out at the children, you can move into a women's shelter.  That will give you a few weeks to think about your options and make some plans for your future.

So sorry you are stuck in this dreadful situation.  I hope you will get out of it as soon as possible.  For your sanity, as well as the welfare of your children.


marisab
by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 10:47 AM

question does he do anything with the kids now??cause soundslike u be better ooff if u kick him to the curb .. how old are the kids? if old enough ask them what they want? and thnk about what u really want?its in u just do it

la_bella_vita
by Gold Member on Feb. 27, 2013 at 3:37 PM

 Bump!

atlmom2
by Platinum Member on Feb. 27, 2013 at 3:44 PM
Dump him!
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LawMom8308
by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 3:51 PM

Do this for your kids. Apparently he doesn't do much with his kids anyway if you are telling them to keep their distance. Is this how you want your kids to remember seeing their daddy? No way ma'am. I know having two kids is going to be hard to do by yourself but I promise you'll feel better not walking on eggshells around him. I agree with alot of the comments on here. Get out, my dear. You'll find someone to love you and those babies. But right now you need to focus on YOU and those babies.

kim8934
by Member on Feb. 27, 2013 at 3:51 PM

I use to be married to one of those, not fun at all.  think of it this way, you and your kids will be much happier when he is gone, I know we were.

LilliesValley
by Bronze Member on Feb. 27, 2013 at 3:53 PM
I wouldn't want me or my kids around someone like that. I'd leave or more likely evict him.
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