Your heart doesn't anything of the kind. Hearts only want to love.
You're angry. He's depressed and angry. You're currently taking that out on each other. It's not helping.
I'd suggest you both get help --separately or together. Specificially with someone who understands and can apply happiness psychology.
@ SomethingSoReal > I agree. This is so true. The welfare of the children should come first.
Quoting LoreleiSieja:You need to break up with him, permanently. He is not a good "father figure" right now. He is not helping you financially, emotionally, and he is actually dangerous to have around the children.
Do you rent or own? Whose name is on the lease/mortgage? If you rent, can you break the lease? The best thing to do is to move out - and leave him behind - if possible. That's hard to do if the lease is in your name. You'd have to get out of your lease somehow.
As for the car, can you try to sell it? If his name is on the car loan, then he has a right to compensation when you two split. If his name is not on anything, he is out of luck. But so you don't have him threatening over you, try to sell the car, and find a way to equitably split any profits. You will have to buy another car, then, but you can get one without his name being involved. Maybe you'll have to "down grade" to something a little less guy-friendly and more of a "mom" car - like a used mini-van? He wouldn't WANT to own half of that.
Marijuana is NOT a safe drug, regardless of whether it is legal or not in your state. As long as he is using, he will never become a dependable, responsible adult. While he is impaired, he poses a potential threat to your children - as much as a heavy drinker could. When the brain isn't clear, there's no telling what the body could do!
If you are very scared of him hurting you, or lashing out at the children, you can move into a women's shelter. That will give you a few weeks to think about your options and make some plans for your future.
So sorry you are stuck in this dreadful situation. I hope you will get out of it as soon as possible. For your sanity, as well as the welfare of your children.
You really need to ask yourself why you are willing to give this man 10 years of your life, and why you are willing to allow this relationship, this person, and this situation to be the model that your children live and learn.
Simply having a bio father in their life is not enough. You can't control whether he will be a committed father. But you can control the example you set.
You are using your children as an excuse to avoid leaving something that you know is not right or good, but it's comfortable and safe. Dealing with the devil you know instead of the unknown fear and pain. STOP doing this. Rally some support and rip the bandaid off so you can have a chance at a beautiful life!
Perfect!
Quoting starfire59:
Honey, you are in a place called despair and scared. Trust me being alone does not mean being lonely. You haveto get some legal help and look into some help groups for women wanting to get out of a bad relationship. You are going nowhere with him. It's not easy being on your own, I know. But it can get better.
Growth spurt?
- SomethingSoReal
on Feb. 26, 2013 at 7:32 PM