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NEED HELP WITH MY 2 AND 6 YEAR OLD DAUGHERS!!

Posted by on Feb. 28, 2013 at 1:18 PM
  • 13 Replies

Ok here it goes..... I have a 2 and 6 year old daughters. Lately my six year old has been talking back and just not listening. She has the potential to be a great kid. I don't understand what is going on with her. So because of this we started a reward/behavior type chart and so far she has no stars meaning she will not be getting any rewards. I try and talk to her and tell her not to talk to me like that and act like that. My husband (her stepfather) also explains how she doesnt like when her friends do it to her so she can not do it to other people, but it is not working.

My two year old is just copying everything my six year old does. When she doesnt get what she want she screams or hits. I am constantly telling my girls to stop fighting and being fresh. My husband ( her father) puts her in the corner but i just feel that does not work.


I feel like i just dont know what else to do.

by on Feb. 28, 2013 at 1:18 PM
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Replies (1-10):
DarlaHood
by on Feb. 28, 2013 at 1:45 PM
5 moms liked this

You're on the right track.  But honestly, she does know now, so you don't need to keep explaining.  If she doesn't care about the stars, then either the reward is too long after the event, or you haven't found her currency (what she really wants). 

Here's the thing that I see all the time.  As parents, we try so hard to give our children everything.  From the day they are born we want decorated nurseries, decorated bedrooms, so many toys that our kids get bored with them.  We reason that if we give our children the world and lots of love, they will respond by being great little kids.  Why wouldn't they?  And some do. 

But many of our kids end up with a sense of entitlement.  I am entitled to all of these lovely things, to my parents catering to me, and to a life centered around me.  Many kids don't do well with this.  Particularly independent ones. 

Go back to basics.  It may seem extreme, but kids who test their parent's authority and ignore correction or challenge parents need to know that they are entitled to love, clean bed, clean weather appropriate clothing, and nutrition.  We don't owe them Disney Princess bedding, a billion toys and gadgets, glittery uggs and skechers, and Happy Meals.  Those are extra things.  We can buy clothes at goodwill and strip their rooms of fanciness.

So go back to basics.  Do not argue with her.  Make it clear what her responsibilities are: self-care, school, chores, homework, respectful behavior.  Make index cards and post the very specific elements of these (what is respectful behavior?) in logical places around the house.  Tie each set of responsibilities to a privilege.  If you do your morning self-care (which is in the bathroom on a card with 5 things listed that have to be done), and you've done it all correctly (all or nothing), then you get to have time to play a game with mom and dad after dinner or time to watch your favorite show.  If she blows it today, not fighting, no arguing, she can try again tomorrow.  Do NOT let her bait you into an argument.  If she isn't respectful, then she doesn't get her beautiful room or her favorite toys.  If respectful means don't tell mommy, "no, Im not going to do that." or not throwing a tantrum when asked to do something, then simply mark on a chart in plain view when she isn't respectful.  Make a check mark.  Let her see it.  But do NOT discuss or argue it.  Let her protest.  It doesn't matter.  You're in charge and if the check is there, she's not getting a privilege. 

It might get worse before it gets better, but if you remain calm and consistent with your follow through, she will learn.

Mommy2justone
by Mommy2justtwo on Feb. 28, 2013 at 1:58 PM

(HUGS) this too shall pass :) And you are doing everything right. Just keep doing it.

crystal1213
by on Feb. 28, 2013 at 2:48 PM

I guess parenting is just hard :) I sometimes feel I do want her to have everything I didn't have. I just want to be the best mom that I can. I appreciate your thoughts and thank you!

Quoting DarlaHood:

You're on the right track.  But honestly, she does know now, so you don't need to keep explaining.  If she doesn't care about the stars, then either the reward is too long after the event, or you haven't found her currency (what she really wants). 

Here's the thing that I see all the time.  As parents, we try so hard to give our children everything.  From the day they are born we want decorated nurseries, decorated bedrooms, so many toys that our kids get bored with them.  We reason that if we give our children the world and lots of love, they will respond by being great little kids.  Why wouldn't they?  And some do. 

But many of our kids end up with a sense of entitlement.  I am entitled to all of these lovely things, to my parents catering to me, and to a life centered around me.  Many kids don't do well with this.  Particularly independent ones. 

Go back to basics.  It may seem extreme, but kids who test their parent's authority and ignore correction or challenge parents need to know that they are entitled to love, clean bed, clean weather appropriate clothing, and nutrition.  We don't owe them Disney Princess bedding, a billion toys and gadgets, glittery uggs and skechers, and Happy Meals.  Those are extra things.  We can buy clothes at goodwill and strip their rooms of fanciness.

So go back to basics.  Do not argue with her.  Make it clear what her responsibilities are: self-care, school, chores, homework, respectful behavior.  Make index cards and post the very specific elements of these (what is respectful behavior?) in logical places around the house.  Tie each set of responsibilities to a privilege.  If you do your morning self-care (which is in the bathroom on a card with 5 things listed that have to be done), and you've done it all correctly (all or nothing), then you get to have time to play a game with mom and dad after dinner or time to watch your favorite show.  If she blows it today, not fighting, no arguing, she can try again tomorrow.  Do NOT let her bait you into an argument.  If she isn't respectful, then she doesn't get her beautiful room or her favorite toys.  If respectful means don't tell mommy, "no, Im not going to do that." or not throwing a tantrum when asked to do something, then simply mark on a chart in plain view when she isn't respectful.  Make a check mark.  Let her see it.  But do NOT discuss or argue it.  Let her protest.  It doesn't matter.  You're in charge and if the check is there, she's not getting a privilege. 

It might get worse before it gets better, but if you remain calm and consistent with your follow through, she will learn.


LuLuRex
by Bronze Member on Feb. 28, 2013 at 4:44 PM

I agree! Hang in there momma!


Quoting Mommy2justone:

(HUGS) this too shall pass :) And you are doing everything right. Just keep doing it.



gardengirl23
by on Feb. 28, 2013 at 4:47 PM
1 mom liked this
take a love and logic class

also remember that kids tend to have 6 month cycles i'm pretty sure 6 months ago I posted about what a handful my 6yr old was and that made me lol because she's been a doll lately
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atlmom2
by Platinum Member on Feb. 28, 2013 at 4:56 PM
What consequences do you have when she back talks?
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mo3gmo4
by on Feb. 28, 2013 at 5:18 PM
1 mom liked this

Raising children is by far the most difficult job there is. I know for myself, I can use all the help I can get.  Cynthia Tobias as a really good book out titled "You Can't Make Me, But I Can Be Pursuaded."  She address the issues of the strong willed child and how to help them makewise choices.  You can check it out here: http://family.christianbook.com/revised-updated-edition-strategies-bringing-willed/cynthia-tobias/9781578565658/pd/565658?item_code=WW&netp_id=995800&event=ESRCQ&view=details

crystal1213
by on Feb. 28, 2013 at 7:23 PM

well she has her chart that has be kind/polite, listen, complete chores which is feeding her bunnies, complete her morning routine of getting ready for school and making her bed, complete homework. So when she talks back she loses a star for each time she does it. This week it has been so bad she has had no tv and has been having an earlier bedtime.

Quoting atlmom2:

What consequences do you have when she back talks?


Ihatelaundry
by on Feb. 28, 2013 at 7:39 PM

Screw the rewards chart if it is not working. Take away her stuff!

crystal1213
by on Feb. 28, 2013 at 8:07 PM

I have started to do that as well. Like her tv, toys, anything that she enjoys doing. I feel like I am failing as a parent.

Quoting Ihatelaundry:

Screw the rewards chart if it is not working. Take away her stuff!


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