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Ok here it goes..... I have a 2 and 6 year old daughters. Lately my six year old has been talking back and just not listening. She has the potential to be a great kid. I don't understand what is going on with her. So because of this we started a reward/behavior type chart and so far she has no stars meaning she will not be getting any rewards. I try and talk to her and tell her not to talk to me like that and act like that. My husband (her stepfather) also explains how she doesnt like when her friends do it to her so she can not do it to other people, but it is not working.

My two year old is just copying everything my six year old does. When she doesnt get what she want she screams or hits. I am constantly telling my girls to stop fighting and being fresh. My husband ( her father) puts her in the corner but i just feel that does not work.

I feel like i just dont know what else to do.

by on Feb. 28, 2013 at 1:18 PM
Replies (11-13):
by on Feb. 28, 2013 at 11:00 PM
1 mom liked this

It is hard!  I have 2 girls, both adults now.  One was compliant, appreciative, and easy, the other was extremely independent, tested every limit, and knew how to push buttons.  DH and I had to employ the back to basics and everything is a privilege with her, and we had to stay consistent.  When she was a teen, it was a little more complicated, but it did work!

The good news is, she is a wonderful, successful, amazing 28-yr-old adult.  And she is a mom now, and has thanked me many times for never giving up and always continuing to have high expectations and to fight to get her to choose the right things.  It's hard, but it's worth it.  You will have so many good things too!

Hang in there!!

Quoting crystal1213:

I guess parenting is just hard :) I sometimes feel I do want her to have everything I didn't have. I just want to be the best mom that I can. I appreciate your thoughts and thank you!

Quoting DarlaHood:

You're on the right track.  But honestly, she does know now, so you don't need to keep explaining.  If she doesn't care about the stars, then either the reward is too long after the event, or you haven't found her currency (what she really wants). 

Here's the thing that I see all the time.  As parents, we try so hard to give our children everything.  From the day they are born we want decorated nurseries, decorated bedrooms, so many toys that our kids get bored with them.  We reason that if we give our children the world and lots of love, they will respond by being great little kids.  Why wouldn't they?  And some do. 

But many of our kids end up with a sense of entitlement.  I am entitled to all of these lovely things, to my parents catering to me, and to a life centered around me.  Many kids don't do well with this.  Particularly independent ones. 

Go back to basics.  It may seem extreme, but kids who test their parent's authority and ignore correction or challenge parents need to know that they are entitled to love, clean bed, clean weather appropriate clothing, and nutrition.  We don't owe them Disney Princess bedding, a billion toys and gadgets, glittery uggs and skechers, and Happy Meals.  Those are extra things.  We can buy clothes at goodwill and strip their rooms of fanciness.

So go back to basics.  Do not argue with her.  Make it clear what her responsibilities are: self-care, school, chores, homework, respectful behavior.  Make index cards and post the very specific elements of these (what is respectful behavior?) in logical places around the house.  Tie each set of responsibilities to a privilege.  If you do your morning self-care (which is in the bathroom on a card with 5 things listed that have to be done), and you've done it all correctly (all or nothing), then you get to have time to play a game with mom and dad after dinner or time to watch your favorite show.  If she blows it today, not fighting, no arguing, she can try again tomorrow.  Do NOT let her bait you into an argument.  If she isn't respectful, then she doesn't get her beautiful room or her favorite toys.  If respectful means don't tell mommy, "no, Im not going to do that." or not throwing a tantrum when asked to do something, then simply mark on a chart in plain view when she isn't respectful.  Make a check mark.  Let her see it.  But do NOT discuss or argue it.  Let her protest.  It doesn't matter.  You're in charge and if the check is there, she's not getting a privilege. 

It might get worse before it gets better, but if you remain calm and consistent with your follow through, she will learn.

by on Mar. 1, 2013 at 12:17 PM

I so agree with DarlaHood!!! I have a 20 yr old DD, that I have really made life hard for, because MOM was always there to make it right. Well I have and am still learning to stop. I can't fell guilty the rest of her life. My son is 15 yrs old and I have an 8 yr old. My older children think I am to hard on my youngest and maybe so, but if I would have known then what I know now, oh how things would be different. My oldest expect me to be there when things get tuff, to pay for the best of everything. My oldest daughter didn't get a christmas gift this yr because mom had to bail her ass out of jail and was never paid back. (that was hard) (BTW she went to jail for stealing laundry soap!!) Now I gave her a dead line on when and if she didn't get the bank paid up to date for her car which the payment is about 75$ a month. I ended up getting it caught up, getting insurance on it and now I am having to do what I said!!! I told her if I had to pay for it I was going to come and get it, do you know how hard that is? I still look at her as my little girl and want the best for her, the choices she had made for herself are not the ones I wanted, but I have come to realize I can not keep allowing her to run over me and for me to come behind her and pick up the pieces. She knows i will always be there for her no matter what but this momma is DONE! Start early, making them responsible for there own actions. My son who is 15 is watching this and has now started to say well you bought Maci this or that. Or you did this for her. Well life is changing in our house. Get a job and work your butt off to get it. Be responsible, and it is up to us as parents to be the best we can be but this doesn't mean we have to give them everything they demand! Hard lesson but after about 19 yrs I figured it out!!!

by Member on Mar. 1, 2013 at 12:20 PM

I love that book!  I think she wrote it for my daughter. lol   If you have a strong-willed child, that book is an absolute  necessity.  The other ones that are good are Kevin Leman's "Have a New Kid by Friday" and "Making Kids Mind Without Losing Yours."

Quoting mo3gmo4:

Raising children is by far the most difficult job there is. I know for myself, I can use all the help I can get.  Cynthia Tobias as a really good book out titled "You Can't Make Me, But I Can Be Pursuaded."  She address the issues of the strong willed child and how to help them makewise choices.  You can check it out here:


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