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Explaining to a 5 year old...

Posted by on Mar. 4, 2013 at 4:52 PM
  • 17 Replies

I have a wonderful 5 year old son. He is my only child. He keeps asking me for a brother. I honestly don't want another. I was a high risk pregnancy with him. Althought the pregnancy went as expected, (minus multiple stops for pre term labor which is expected with a bi cornuate uterus.) the labor was difficult. I had a sever case of preclamsia and had to be induced.I love my son but don't want anymore due to being a high risk pregnancy. Lately he has been talking to my stomach and telling me that there is baby in there. I have explained that I don't have a baby in my tummy. I explained that I don't want any more kids. I don't know how else to tell him there are no brothers or sisters. Any advice on how to approach this? 

by on Mar. 4, 2013 at 4:52 PM
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Replies (1-10):
by Member on Mar. 4, 2013 at 4:54 PM

Just honesty, you only want him.

by on Mar. 4, 2013 at 4:58 PM

I would just tell him that some families have lots of people, and some only have a couple people. Just don't get his hopes up by saying "maybe someday"

by on Mar. 4, 2013 at 4:59 PM

I do honesly. There is the high risk pregnancy/labor factor. Also the factor that if I do have another there will be such a large age difference. At minimum of 5 1/2 years apart. 

Quoting Lunarprancer:

Just honesty, you only want him.

by on Mar. 4, 2013 at 4:59 PM

Have you ever thought about adoption?

by Silver Member on Mar. 4, 2013 at 5:11 PM
Id tell him that you and his daddy had so much love that you made him and he completed your family. That the 3 of you are a wonderful little family and he is everything you wanted in a child... You dont need anymore because he is everything to you and hubby. :)
I only have 1 too. My guy took 4 years to make and i felt so blessed that i couldnt ask for more! :)
He use to tell people ( he is 6) that he had a brother. Lol... But now he realizes he is lucky to be an only. His friend C always has to go sit at dance with his sister! Yuck!!!!
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by Bronze Member on Mar. 5, 2013 at 1:21 AM

Get him a pet :(

by Carin on Mar. 5, 2013 at 10:15 AM

Mine will sometimes ask for a brother or sister too (he's almost 6), not quite as intense though (he's actually kind of goofy about it). For awhile I did want another, but now I'm kind of at the point that I don't anymore, but if it happened, I wouldn't be totally opposed either. I guess that's why we haven't given him a direct answer about it (and like I said, he's been goofy about it). I guess I don't really know what I'd say to mine either if it really came down to it.

by Bronze Member on Mar. 5, 2013 at 10:32 AM

Well, truthfully, there isn't much you can say that you haven't already said. This is something he will have to come to understand on his own. All you can do is continue telling him and tell him that one day he will understand what you mean when his brain is ready to understand.  There will come a day, when it will all of a sudden, click, with the words that you have been repeating to him over and over again.  And if he keeps asking and you feel like you have said it enough times, just tell him that you are done talking about it for now but you will talk with him about it again in a while. Then you yourself move on to another topic or do something active that will draw his mind away from those thoughts.  Good Luck sweety.  

by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 12:15 PM

Just because your first pregnancy was high risk with preeclampsia, does not mean that your next pregnancy would be, too.  However, that is not what you asked, just thought I'd mention that, in case you subconsciously really do want another and you are conflicted inside.  Our childrencan sense when we are conflicted, and if you are not dead certain that you do not want any more children, he will continue to badger you about it.  I had toxemia with my first child, but had four more pregnancies.  Anyway, that is not helpful information for you.

How to convince him that you do not want or cannot have more children...

You can teach him about families.  Luckily, there are a ton of great picture books about families on the market and in the library.  The picture books focus on how different families can be. Some have two parents, some have four, some have only one.  Some have lots of children, some have only one. Some include grandparents or other relatives.  Read to your child about the different families.  Have him draw a picture of his family.  Post a Wal-mart or professional photograph of your family, and show him how proud you are of your family.  He will learn to understand that this is his family, and that there are no other children in his family.

It could also be that he is curious about where children come from, and all this talk about a brother or sister is happening because someone at school told him that his mommy got a big belly and then he got a baby brother.  Your son may be asking for a brother or sister the same way he asks for a new toy at Christmas.  This will pass.

There is nothing wrong with having an "only" child.  A generation or two ago, people felt that only children were spoiled, or lacked interpersonal skills because they didn't have siblings to play with. That may have been true, when many families lived far apart in rural areas.  But today, that just is not true.  More children live in towns and cities than on farms, and they get plenty of socialization through preschool and kindergarten and tee-ball, and play dates, and trips to the store and playground... being an only child will not hurt your son's development at all. 

The only problem I could forsee, is that when your son is ready to grow up, you might fear losing him and try to hold on to him... this is a normal thing to happen for parents of only children, because it is normal for parents of multiple children, too.  Sometimes it is the oldest child the parents won't "let go".  Sometimes it is the youngest.  You just need to prepare yourself emotionally for the day when your child is ready to fly from the nest, and get ready for the grandchildren to come along.

by Silver Member on Mar. 5, 2013 at 12:30 PM

He is just going to have to learn as he gets older and understands your situation.  He'll move on.  By any chance, does he have cousins his age or close to it?

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