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Advice for Moms Advice for Moms

Whats love got to do with it?

Posted by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 2:01 PM
  • 19 Replies

Me and my childrens father live together. Although he helps out alot with the bills he is always broke. Whenever he gets a paycheck he gives me money for bills then whatever he has left, usually about $200 he spends that within 2 or 3 days and comes asking me for money. I dont know what I am complaining for because he has always been really bad with money ever since we started dating and had our first child together over 10 years ago. He keeps lying about how things are going to change but they never do. I really want out of this relationship but I am afraid that maybe its better for me to be with him than without him. I mean for the kids sake especially. Because I know that he is not going to be in their lives if I end it with him. I dont see myself marrying him. After he asked me for $10 today I told him that I am so sick of this and that he was going to have to find his own place and that I was going to just do things on my own because I am never going to get anywhere with him. He never takes me seriously. He didn't even respond to what I said. He has a drinking and smoking habit that is very costly and I am sure that this is where most of his money is going. I dont mind giving him money here and there but this is a every week thing. How can I get him to finally take me serious?

by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 2:01 PM
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Replies (1-10):
ChancesMommy07
by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 2:05 PM

Make a budget. If he's at least helping out with the bills before he blows the rest there is a spark of responsibility in there somewhere. Make a budget showing what the bills are, what money needs to go to groceries, gas, etc, and then what money is left over for spending money. Let him know that once he blows through the spending money then that's it for the week. Maybe he needs a visual of where the money is going. Some people just flat out suck at managing money.

atlmom2
by Ruby Member on Mar. 5, 2013 at 2:07 PM
Drinking habit? Why are you with him??
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EmilysMom2010
by Member on Mar. 5, 2013 at 2:09 PM
1 mom liked this
Stop giving him money. Period.
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thatgirl70
by Carin on Mar. 5, 2013 at 3:23 PM
1 mom liked this

I don't really have any advice for you, but I do have that Tina Turner song stuck in my head now...

Good luck, hope you figure things out.

savingtheworld
by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 3:37 PM
Ok I'm confused? You'd rather get a divorce, then to fix the issue? Is it really that hard to communicate how to handle your finances? Y does he have an allowance of 200$?
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alexis_06
by AnnaLisa on Mar. 6, 2013 at 3:16 AM

 stop giving him money!

bnkirk24
by on Mar. 6, 2013 at 3:54 AM
1 mom liked this

You really shouldnt make comments on how people communicate in such a rude way. No relationship is perfect. If your in a relationship thats perfect than you can make comments like that. Finances is the biggest cause of divorce because couples dont know how to handle it and it puts alot of stress on a family..... Anyways on to the question. I think you should stop giving him money especially if hes drinking. If you keep giving him money your giving him what he wants. Let him be independent and figure it out on his own. If he blows all his money then he will need to figure out on his what to do until he gets paid again. Eventually he will learn his lesson


Quoting savingtheworld:

Ok I'm confused? You'd rather get a divorce, then to fix the issue? Is it really that hard to communicate how to handle your finances? Y does he have an allowance of 200$?



DaniandTom
by on Mar. 6, 2013 at 4:21 AM

IMO, if you can't see yourself being married to him, you have to rethink the relationship completely. You're doing not only yourself an injustice by staying with someone who you obviously don't think is as responsible as you are or as mature as you want him to be but you're also doing your children that same injustice. The role model you've set up for your kids to take after is irresponsible and believe me, that is exactly what your daughters will expect from their future relationships and what your sons will become. Is that what you want? Staying together out of a sense of loyalty or because you don't want to hurt someone is, although noble on the surface, foolish in the end. You'll never know the satisfaction of having a partner who works with you to get what you want out of life and who can give your kids someone to look up to. Whether he stays in your childrens lives or not is his choice. He has a financial and moral obligation to them but no one can force him to be a good father--as you have found out. Since after 10 years he has shown that he isn't willing to be more than another child to you, I'd cut my losses and find someone who is more mature and responsible that can help you achieve your dreams for yourself and for your kids.

canog08
by on Mar. 6, 2013 at 4:33 AM

quit being his "mommy" figure.... dont contribute to his drinking or smoking .... let him grow up

hollywood74
by on Mar. 6, 2013 at 8:58 AM

1st of all, you can never be with a man for the kids. if your unhappy they will know. it sounds to me both of you are using each other, so where is the relationship between the 2 of you. if you want it to be over make it happen. your happiness is very important to being a good mom 4 your kids.

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