My DD just turned 4 a few weeks ago but my pregnancy and birth are still fresh in my mind. I have absolutely nothing good to say about pregnancy or labor other than the fact you get a beautiful child out of it.
When I was 7 months pregnant I was put on bedrest because of pregnancy induced hypertension. That same night, my SO went out and cheated on me. Then he started using meth and my life was super stressful for a long time. He went to jail when I was 8 months along. We were able to work through it in time for the birth of our daughter.
I went in to be induced on a Sunday night. From the time they put that string under my cervix to help soften it, I had constant cramping. The next morning they started the pitocin. With that I had constant contractions. They wouldn't stop unless I was on medication that lasted about 45 minutes. You could just see the long ass contractions on the paper that was printing off. I cried and was sick for all of Monday. They were going to let me go home that night, but when I was checked the doctor decided to break my water instead. Monday night I demanded more medication even though I was only 4 centimeters. They gave me an intrathecal(sp?) and shortly after, my babys heart rate started dropping. They would turn off the pitocin and give me oxygen and I would feel better and the heart rate would go back up. Then they would star the pitocin and it would drop again along with the continuous contractions. All this time I had only had roughly 3 hours of sleep.
At about 6am Tuesday morning, they decided on an emergency c-section. They gave me so much medication while I was laying there that my entire body was numb and all I could feel was the very top of my head. I remember hearing her cry, seeing her for a brief second, and the next time I know, I woke up in recovery. We have pictures of her by my head but I don't remember any of it. When I came too, I didn't even remember I had a baby. All I wanted was water and jello. I couldn't move my arms. They wheeled me back to my room and plopped my baby on me and tried to get her to nurse while I was laying on my back and couldn't even hold her because I was still so numb.
I had constant visitors the next 4 days. Family, friends, hospital staff--I was so tired and didn't have time to sleep. I broke down crying and the nurses had to take my DD to the nursery. I didn't even like my child. I had no time to bond with her and I disliked her for crying so much all the time. I was in so much pain.
There are other details of my recovery that just added that much more awful to my experience. I never want to have another child because of it.
Has anyone else had an awful experience like this? I want to hear some stories so I know I'm not alone with these feelings.