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Advice for Moms Advice for Moms

Miscarriage

Posted by on Mar. 6, 2013 at 10:10 AM
  • 10 Replies
A very good friend of mine just had a miscarriage. I can't even begin to know her pain right now.

Please help me out here. How should I be?
What is there to say?
I really want to be supportive.

She was about 6 weeks .
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by on Mar. 6, 2013 at 10:10 AM
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Replies (1-10):
DaniandTom
by on Mar. 6, 2013 at 10:18 AM

Be there for her. As uncomfortable as it is for you, it's 100 times worse for her but she will let you know if she wants to be left alone. Tell her you are sorry it happened and that you were looking forward to this baby as much as she was. Don't be afraid to have your children around her--she can't stay away from kids in the real world and she loves your kids! I've had 4 miscarriages and the one thing that was hardest for me was the sense that everyone abandoned me because they were so afraid of hurting me--which at the time felt like they just didn't want to be in an uncomfortable situation. It felt selfish on their part and the relationships were never quite the same after that. Spend time with her and let her know you're there not just by saying you are but by calling frequently and stopping by to see her. When she is up and around, ask her to lunch or to do whatever you guys did together before this happened. She needs her friend! ♥Hugs♥

ashley9603
by on Mar. 6, 2013 at 10:22 AM

Dont say anything.Even if you have been in her situation.Let her talk if she wants to.Just listen.As a woman that lost her first child(21 weeks)Its a hard thing to deal with and its also difficult communicating with everyone else.Let her make the first move.

AleaKat
by on Mar. 6, 2013 at 10:24 AM
She doesn't live close to me. She's never met my kids. We are old high school friends.

Quoting DaniandTom:

Be there for her. As uncomfortable as it is for you, it's 100 times worse for her but she will let you know if she wants to be left alone. Tell her you are sorry it happened and that you were looking forward to this baby as much as she was. Don't be afraid to have your children around her--she can't stay away from kids in the real world and she loves your kids! I've had 4 miscarriages and the one thing that was hardest for me was the sense that everyone abandoned me because they were so afraid of hurting me--which at the time felt like they just didn't want to be in an uncomfortable situation. It felt selfish on their part and the relationships were never quite the same after that. Spend time with her and let her know you're there not just by saying you are but by calling frequently and stopping by to see her. When she is up and around, ask her to lunch or to do whatever you guys did together before this happened. She needs her friend! ♥Hugs♥

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AleaKat
by on Mar. 6, 2013 at 10:25 AM
She texted me to let me know cause I was one if the few age told.
I've just expressed my sorrow for her and told her ill be here for her best I can be


Quoting ashley9603:

Dont say anything.Even if you have been in her situation.Let her talk if she wants to.Just listen.As a woman that lost her first child(21 weeks)Its a hard thing to deal with and its also difficult communicating with everyone else.Let her make the first move.

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ashley9603
by on Mar. 6, 2013 at 10:28 AM

Thats great that she is coming to you...just be there for whatever she needs,you sound like an awesome friend.


Quoting AleaKat:

She texted me to let me know cause I was one if the few age told.
I've just expressed my sorrow for her and told her ill be here for her best I can be


Quoting ashley9603:

Dont say anything.Even if you have been in her situation.Let her talk if she wants to.Just listen.As a woman that lost her first child(21 weeks)Its a hard thing to deal with and its also difficult communicating with everyone else.Let her make the first move.



AleaKat
by on Mar. 6, 2013 at 10:36 AM
Well I was lucky enough to have 2 healthy baby boys no complications of any kind so as happy as I am that they are safe and healthy it's hard to fathom losing a child .
I'm just worried that I'm gonna be awkward now.


Quoting ashley9603:

Thats great that she is coming to you...just be there for whatever she needs,you sound like an awesome friend.



Quoting AleaKat:

She texted me to let me know cause I was one if the few age told.

I've just expressed my sorrow for her and told her ill be here for her best I can be




Quoting ashley9603:

Dont say anything.Even if you have been in her situation.Let her talk if she wants to.Just listen.As a woman that lost her first child(21 weeks)Its a hard thing to deal with and its also difficult communicating with everyone else.Let her make the first move.




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MaryJarrett
by on Mar. 6, 2013 at 10:39 AM
If she brings up not knowing what to do you can suggest the site stillbirthday.com
A friend suggested it to me, and I was so grateful! Helped my through both of mine immensely.
Just listen, and be "there". Let her vent. <3
I'm sorry for her loss! You're a great friend.
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atlmom2
by Ruby Member on Mar. 6, 2013 at 10:40 AM
She will have to realize the baby wasn't viable and that it was meant to be. Sad.
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ashley9603
by on Mar. 6, 2013 at 11:14 AM

Dont feel awkward(Original poster)just be there as best as you can....just dont say I know how you feel....as far as the last comment goes,(the baby not being viable)that doesnt matter,it was still her child that she lost and that baby was real to her I am sure.They told me my son born at 21 weeks wasnt viable either,that made it hurt worse....

audreesmama
by on Mar. 6, 2013 at 11:17 AM
Look up ahearttohold.com. I got one when I miscarried and one when my son passed as it helped me tremendously. I would ask if she is interested in one, though. Make sure you make her feel validated. The worst feeling is that my family pretends like my children never existed. It hurts to suffer alone and in silence.
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