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Advice Needed - Children of Divorce

Posted by on Mar. 7, 2013 at 5:11 PM
  • 10 Replies

I was with my ex husband for 10 years. 3 years ago we split up. Long story short, he has primary physical custody of our 3 kids and we have joint legal custody.

He lives with his mother, our 3 kids, and his girlfriend. His father passed away about 2 months ago, and since then my oldest daughter (almost 11) has been sleeping in bed with his mother (her grandmother).

I can understand if she wakes up at night and is upset and goes to her room to sleep with her, but she starts out in bed with her every night. When she is here, so won't go to sleep anywhere but in my bedroom on the floor. She is almost 11, and we have never had problems with this before.

I asked him why isn't she sleeping in her own bed and he said "She isn't in any danger or harm. And it is at my house so there for it is none of ur business" (his exact words, uneducated at he may be)


What do I do here? He is ignorant

by on Mar. 7, 2013 at 5:11 PM
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Replies (1-10):
atlmom2
by Ruby Member on Mar. 7, 2013 at 5:22 PM
Counseling
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frndlyfn
by Platinum Member on Mar. 7, 2013 at 5:23 PM

Have you noticed any other changes in your dd than not wanting to sleep near or by an adult?   Talk to her about it and see what happened to start this particular habit.   If need be, have a child psychologist talk with her to see what they can find out from the child.

LivinNLovin
by on Mar. 7, 2013 at 5:40 PM

She is 10. He has given her a cell phone and an ipod. It has been a major issue. Last weekend she yelled at me and I took away her phone. So she had a huge fit. She went to her dads and told him I am mean to her, and treat the other kids better than I do her.

There is a lot to the story here, but I have tried to get her into counseling and he refuses. I really don't know how often he is around the kids, but I know his mother is the one always taking care of them. She coddels the kids and gives in to their every needs. She bought the oldest two (10 and 8) as well as my 4 year old ipods. She was always the type to "buy" the love of family members (even when we were together)

veganistic
by on Mar. 7, 2013 at 6:11 PM
I'm not seeing a major issue here.
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Bonneata
by on Mar. 7, 2013 at 6:39 PM
Why is does your ex have primary custody if Grandma is raising the kids.
LivinNLovin
by on Mar. 7, 2013 at 6:46 PM

To me, being told that I have no reason to be concerned about what happens with my kids while in his care, IS a major issue.


Quoting veganistic:

I'm not seeing a major issue here.



katef1992
by on Mar. 7, 2013 at 6:47 PM
Talk to who ever helped with the devorse and custody case by your self and exsplain your worrys about the kids maybe they can help you out with forcing the dad to take them to theropy. I hope the best cuz kids.
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Karen_S
by Member on Mar. 7, 2013 at 10:37 PM

Lots of cultures cosleep even when kids are older. He's right...that in itself is does not necessarily do any psychological harm. 

MamaSnaps
by on Mar. 7, 2013 at 10:40 PM

Try making it about YOU needing counseling. Tell him that in order to learn how to parent her differently you need help and a counselor. In order to do that the counselor would need to see the daughter to be able to help you find more effective parenting techniques. 
Might be totally untrue, but it's a different way to skin a cat that would make him think he's oh so better than you and maybe give in?

Doesn't matter how, just as long as the result is the same, right? 

Quoting LivinNLovin:

She is 10. He has given her a cell phone and an ipod. It has been a major issue. Last weekend she yelled at me and I took away her phone. So she had a huge fit. She went to her dads and told him I am mean to her, and treat the other kids better than I do her.

There is a lot to the story here, but I have tried to get her into counseling and he refuses. I really don't know how often he is around the kids, but I know his mother is the one always taking care of them. She coddels the kids and gives in to their every needs. She bought the oldest two (10 and 8) as well as my 4 year old ipods. She was always the type to "buy" the love of family members (even when we were together)


veganistic
by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 12:07 AM
Well that wasnt very polite or cooperative of him, but as far as your concerns go i don't see any major issues. Your dd has become a bit clingy, but gma and her just lost grandpa, and might be comforted by the cosleeping. Why does your daughter say she won't sleep alone?

Quoting LivinNLovin:

To me, being told that I have no reason to be concerned about what happens with my kids while in his care, IS a major issue.



Quoting veganistic:

I'm not seeing a major issue here.




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