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Need advice on current situation.

Posted by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 6:18 AM
  • 62 Replies

I've been a stay at home mom now for 7 years, with the understanding that I would get a smaller part time job when the time was right for the kids to transition. My youngest starts school full time next year and my Hubby is telling me I better have a job lined up by September or have a class in place I can take.  He recently started talking about refinancing and that he was going to do it before April so he could get into the lower interest rates. This started my looking through all the important papers gathering whatever we would need and I came accross the papers from the last time we refied and apparantly I signed a Quit Claim Deed, against my knowledge, my dumb mistake I should have read what i was signing rather then I guess trust my husband and the refi people. I brought this to his attention and he didn't seem to care at all. This started a huge fight and the worst weekend of my life. I told him that I wasn't okay working and helping pay the mortgage if he wasn't going to fix it. It's a simple fix of filling out a form and paying a few dollars to add me back.  He said it was never going to happen, EVER! So now i'm expected to bring in a 1,000+ a month, put my kids in daycare and he doesn't even want to hear my side of any of it. I don't honestly know what to do in this situation. I love him to death but I can't pretend to be okay with any of this.  I have tried talking to him about this a million times now and his attitude hasn't seemed to change, if anything maybe getting worse saying we can always have seperate bank accounts and I can start supporting myself, or when the time comes I can buy my own car if i want it in my name and get my own auto insurance. I just have no clue what has happened to the man I married, he has done a complete turn around in attitude and totally going back on all the things we talked about and decided on since before we were even married! Help I need mega advice!!!

by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 6:18 AM
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Replies (1-10):
emmy526
by Silver Member on Mar. 8, 2013 at 6:20 AM

Accept the fact your dh doesn't care if you work your ass off to help pay for HIS stuff....you're better off a single parent than to raise kids in a hostile environment like that, seeing their father treat their mother like shit. 

offrdngal
by Terri on Mar. 8, 2013 at 6:49 AM
1 mom liked this

 Get yourself a job...put the money in an account and as soon as you can afford to do so, get out.  He can pay for his stuff, on his own. 

There is no way in hell, that I would go out of my way to "help" pay for anything, if it's all in his name. 

Pinkispretty143
by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 7:11 AM
1 mom liked this

His newest thing is we are a team, please if we are such a team then add me to the deed, I have no problem working and helping out but I can't wrap my head around the idea of doing it with the situation how it is now. 

emmy526
by Silver Member on Mar. 8, 2013 at 7:14 AM


then throw that back in his face...remind him there is no 'I' in the word 'team'...

Quoting Pinkispretty143:

His newest thing is we are a team, please if we are such a team then add me to the deed, I have no problem working and helping out but I can't wrap my head around the idea of doing it with the situation how it is now. 



offrdngal
by Terri on Mar. 8, 2013 at 7:18 AM

 Exactly...what she said!

Quoting emmy526:

 

then throw that back in his face...remind him there is no 'I' in the word 'team'...

Quoting Pinkispretty143:

His newest thing is we are a team, please if we are such a team then add me to the deed, I have no problem working and helping out but I can't wrap my head around the idea of doing it with the situation how it is now. 

 

 

 

Pinkispretty143
by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 7:21 AM


Quoting emmy526:


then throw that back in his face...remind him there is no 'I' in the word 'team'...

Quoting Pinkispretty143:

His newest thing is we are a team, please if we are such a team then add me to the deed, I have no problem working and helping out but I can't wrap my head around the idea of doing it with the situation how it is now. 


I've tried throwing it back in his face, my exact words to him were "if we are such a team then why not add me to the deed, I will work help pay and we can move on from this situation". He tells me its Never Ever going to happen and that he can no longer trust me because I'm bringing the issue up. I feel like no matter what I do he is never going to see me as his equal and even if I do get a job and try to save 1/2 my paycheck is going to daycare and summer camp. I'm sure when it comes to it he isn't going to offer to help with that cost.  My family seems to think hes cheating on me or his mother got into his head, she was the type of person who worked 2 jobs and left my Husband home alone at 5 to fend for himself while she worked. She hates the fact that I stay home with the kids!


emmy526
by Silver Member on Mar. 8, 2013 at 7:22 AM

then your choices are to get a job and move out, or sit back and accept your situation, knowing it will NEVER change


Quoting Pinkispretty143:


Quoting emmy526:


then throw that back in his face...remind him there is no 'I' in the word 'team'...

Quoting Pinkispretty143:

His newest thing is we are a team, please if we are such a team then add me to the deed, I have no problem working and helping out but I can't wrap my head around the idea of doing it with the situation how it is now. 


I've tried throwing it back in his face, my exact words to him were "if we are such a team then why not add me to the deed, I will work help pay and we can move on from this situation". He tells me its Never Ever going to happen and that he can no longer trust me because I'm bringing the issue up. I feel like no matter what I do he is never going to see me as his equal and even if I do get a job and try to save 1/2 my paycheck is going to daycare and summer camp. I'm sure when it comes to it he isn't going to offer to help with that cost.  My family seems to think hes cheating on me or his mother got into his head, she was the type of person who worked 2 jobs and left my Husband home alone at 5 to fend for himself while she worked. She hates the fact that I stay home with the kids!




Pinkispretty143
by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 7:24 AM

I can't accept the situation knowing it would never change! I keep thinking it would be like paying for the neighbors car and what the HECK is the point of that. I don't want to pretend to be okay with it, I guess I'm just more afraid to make the change and fix the problem at this point. 

karenax
by Bronze Member on Mar. 8, 2013 at 7:30 AM

My son went through something like this. His stay at home mom GF and her family pretty much did the same thing on a mobile home he thought he was purchasing. The signed the papers while he was at work even though he was making all the payments and taxes. When she kicked him out for the umpteenth time over her pettiness he smartened up and left and hasn't looked back. She didn't want to live alone with the boys so she moved back with her parents.  Because of their sneaky behavior they are now stuck  paying for the home, park rent and taxes and no one lives there.

I agree with everyone that if and when you can afford to get out to do so. He sounds sneaky and is only concerned for himself. Who knows what else he has done behind your back. I wish you luck.

Chelsey191
by Member on Mar. 8, 2013 at 7:30 AM
5 moms liked this
I would be getting a divorce. I would be hauling his ass to court for half of everything and child support and spousal support. And when I was done he would be the one sitting there going wtf just happened.
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