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ex insists on 6 PM (!!!) bedtime for 7 and 5-year old

Posted by on Mar. 15, 2013 at 9:27 PM
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Hello... this is my first post here... I'm divorced, two kids, ages 7 and 5.  My ex-spouse, the children's biological mother, has primary custody. I am the kids' other mom. She has always been obsessed with bedtime and sleep, since the kids were very young. She is insisting that the kids need to be in bed at 6 PM. 6 PM!!! Even with the recent time change. Insists that they both need naps on the weekend. She makes them wear sleep masks to bed, and my 7-year old reports that sometimes, at bedtime, she's come into the room, turned the light on, and done work on her laptop, I guess to force my daughter to get used to wearing the sleep mask. She's put "sleep posters" they made in their rooms to, I don't know what, remind them that they need sleep, I guess.

We do not use sleep masks here, nor do we have sleep posters, and their bedtime when they are with me starts at 7... by the time we're done with bedtime routine, it's around 8. I feel like having them up there at 7 is even on the early side. They get up around 6, which I wish was later, but I don't see much evidence that they're overtired when they are with me. I asked her what time the kids are asleep if they go to bed at 6, and she says 6:10. To say I am skeptical about that is an insult to skepticism.

We have the kids both in play therapy due to some adjustments to our alternative family situation, and both play therapists are aware of this bedtime, but I haven't heard much from them on it other than "I have never heard of a child with such an early bedtime." The kids have no medical problems. I don't think this is because she wants time for herself... I think she honestly believes this is the best thing for the kids.

Bedtime has been a constant battle between the two of us... my refusal to put my kids to bed at a time when every other family in the United States is sitting down to dinner is a huge source of argument, and that tension between us makes its way down to the kids, no matter how hard we try to avoid it.

Sorry for a close to tl;dr first post, but I'm at my wits' end with this. My ex will do what she is going to do, and there's not much I can do about it, unless it rises to the level of abuse, and I don't think that this does. Although the laptop thing is concerning. Any thoughts?

by on Mar. 15, 2013 at 9:27 PM
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Replies (1-10):
momwith2monkeys
by on Mar. 15, 2013 at 9:30 PM
To long to read it all, but 6 pm is early. We are eating supper at that time. My kids go to bed sun-thurs. At 8pm. Fri & sat at 9 pm.
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shadowsgrl09
by Member on Mar. 15, 2013 at 9:31 PM

BUMP!

ambermario4ever
by Member on Mar. 15, 2013 at 9:31 PM

Mine are four and six school nights bedtime is eight pm at seven thirty I have them put on pjs brush teeth and we read a story and we tuck them in at eight. On other night they stay up later and bedtime depends on what we are doing the next day or did on that day.

frndlyfn
by Platinum Member on Mar. 15, 2013 at 9:32 PM

How much sleep does she think they need?  For us it would be impractical since that is our dinner tme and when many school events start.  I do know of 2 children who go to bed that early but they are severely disabled and there is heck to pay if they are kept up much later.

Rae706
by Member on Mar. 15, 2013 at 9:36 PM
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That is really early. How does she have any time to spend with the kids? I'd never see mine if they went to bed that early!
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myboysRmyhero
by on Mar. 15, 2013 at 9:37 PM
There's no way that would work for us we eat between 5and 5:30 and 3 days a week ds has tball at 6. He's 4 and on school nights bed time is 8. 6 is just way to early.
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was2now3
by Member on Mar. 15, 2013 at 9:37 PM
Mine are 6 & 4 and they go to bed at 8-8:30 ish...6 is way early
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emmy526
by Silver Member on Mar. 15, 2013 at 9:38 PM
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it mite not be physical abuse, but it certainly is physical neglect...to put your kids to bed so early to get them outta your hair, means you shouldn't have kids, if you're going to be that selfish with your time

nonbiomom2
by on Mar. 15, 2013 at 9:41 PM


Quoting frndlyfn:

How much sleep does she think they need?  For us it would be impractical since that is our dinner tme and when many school events start.  I do know of 2 children who go to bed that early but they are severely disabled and there is heck to pay if they are kept up much later.

She claims they both need at least 12 hours... I say "at least" because she makes them (try to) nap on the weekend, in addition to the 6 PM daily bedtime.  I know that all kids have different needs, but the chances of two children in the same household needing a bedtime at the far end of the bell curve is remote, at best.

AustinRonMommy
by Member on Mar. 15, 2013 at 9:41 PM

My kids are 3 and 5. On school nights I make them go to bed at 830, the rest of the nights they are free to stay up as late as they wish, however they are still usually sleep by 830.  

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