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Am I to strict?

Posted by on Mar. 16, 2013 at 12:24 AM
  • 14 Replies
I have a 5 year old and I just feel Im to stict sometimes. My daughter is so well behaved and I do feel like ive done a good job at raising her to be so polite and well mannered. I guess it all comes from my childhood. When I was growing up I was allowed to do whatever I wanted and I had no respect for my mother because of it. I never had to follow any rules, She cleaned up after me, ect. and at times I felt she just didnt really care about me because I had to much freedom. But I do think there might be a point that I need to let go and not be so hard on her. Shes a great little girl and shes so good so where is the point where I need to give her more freedom to be a kid. She loves me and I know this, we have a great relationship. Im a single mother and Im all she has and shes all that I have. Has anyone else felt this way or have any suggestions on what I can do to be a little better with her? I really do have all good intentions being this way with her but I do know I need to come at it in a different way. Id love to hear feedback..please dont be so harsh though :(
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by on Mar. 16, 2013 at 12:24 AM
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Replies (1-10):
mama2my2boys
by on Mar. 16, 2013 at 12:26 AM
how are you strict??????
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mommynwife12
by on Mar. 16, 2013 at 12:33 AM
I just feel like I yell at her for everything, dont do this..dont do that. sit up straight. Clean up your toys, your room has to be cleaned up all the time. My ocd kicks in alot and I kind of expect the same from her. Idk just things like that.. I cant really think of everything I tell her to do. I guess I just really expect so much out of her.
frndlyfn
by Platinum Member on Mar. 16, 2013 at 1:01 AM

first step is when you feel a yell coming on is excuse yourself to calm down.  Pardon me my darling, i need to go take a quick mommy time out right now, I will be back to discuss your actions soon.  What you can do is set up a daily schedule for the household.   Even schedule in "fun " time where messes can be made or not be worried about.  Make a chart of what the rules are.   Buy some board games to play together.   She could resent you for saying don't or no all the time just like you didnt like the yes all the time.

mommynwife12
by on Mar. 16, 2013 at 1:12 AM

thank you. thats a good insight. I appreciate it.

paganmommy4
by on Mar. 16, 2013 at 2:25 AM

Kids need rules.. Do you spank her? Do you abuse her? What is too strict? Acting like psycho child and allowing her to get away with murder is not okay. Having her be respectful, having consequences is GOOD. She's five.. Tea parties, Dress Up, those are kid things to do.. She is getting to that age where she's entering school. Saying Please and Thank you, saying excuse me, not interrupting, knowing when its acceptable to politely interrupt ARE ALL GOOD SKILLS. So unless you beat her into submission, i dont see the problem

paganmommy4
by on Mar. 16, 2013 at 2:27 AM


Instead of yelling, its called descriptive language.. Tell her what you want her to do and not what you dont want her to do.. I see a little girl that isnt using her walking feet. I see a little girl that wants to scream inside when I think its better that you use your inside voice. I see a little girl that is using her hands for touching when she shouldnt be.. I do this with my kids and we have a better relationship. 

Quoting mommynwife12:

I just feel like I yell at her for everything, dont do this..dont do that. sit up straight. Clean up your toys, your room has to be cleaned up all the time. My ocd kicks in alot and I kind of expect the same from her. Idk just things like that.. I cant really think of everything I tell her to do. I guess I just really expect so much out of her.



brittany208
by Bronze Member on Mar. 16, 2013 at 5:46 AM

Sometimes I worry I'm too strict too. Because I'm a teacher and I see naughty kids--so then I go home and know that my child will NOT act that way. There is nothing wrong with having high expectations and standards--I think that's great.

It's hard to tell if you are being too strict, bc I think of too strict in terms of what you allow her to do and don't allow her to do.

And personally I think its way easier to parent WITH a lot of rules. Instead of my DS sometimes being able to do things, and sometimes not, we have rules so he knows what he can and cannot do/have. For example, we don't usually have treats unless its after dinner and he's eaten a good dinner. This way, he's not bothering me morning, noon, and night for treats. of course there are exceptions, but when we usually do things the same way, he knows what to expect.

And instead of yelling, I usually ask questions. "Oh, are you whining?" "are you using your nice manners?" or "do you need a time-out?" and he either says "no, I'm just talking" or asks again with better manners (just as an example). No need for me to get angry. just a friendly reminder to do what he knows he should be doing.

and of course, just make sure you are spending as much time as you can creating positive memories with her. taking her places, if you can, or playing games with her. We like to cook dinner/bake together. Those are the things she'll remember.

hip2it
by Member on Mar. 17, 2013 at 9:35 AM

I'm often told that I'm a mean mom because I expect my kids to act a certain way, and they know it.  When they don't, things don't just slide past without a reminder.

Last weekend we were at a friend's home, all the kids were upstairs playing, and suddenly a few of them were screaming.  They were playing, but it was that scream that you should only be allowed to make if you're dying.  One parent calls up the stairs, "Ya'll cut it out!"  I went up the stairs, called mine aside, asked if it was them (it wasn't) and told them good and it better not be.  They know how to behave and I expect them to do so.

"Why are you so harsh on your kids?  They're having fun!"  I wasn't harsh, I was reminding them.

I don't spank, and my kids still get a lot of freedom to just be kids, but these are future adults that we are raising, and I expect mine to be respectful, respectable, responsible adults.

mommynwife12
by on Mar. 18, 2013 at 1:35 PM

I feel relieved to know theres other moms like me out there. I dont spank my daughter either Im completely against that. But sometimes I feel like im to harsh on her because most parents let there kids misbave because there 'just being kids' but I just dont allow it at all. I have no patience for her going against what I say or doing what shes not allowed. Even small things like interupting me when Im talking to someone..alot of parents give there kids the attention when they do that. I wont let me daughter do it at all. she can wait until Im done with my conversation. so sometimes it even bothers me when im talking to another parent and they completely stop talking with me because there kids are coming up every minute to say something. I dont know, guess its a pet pieve. lol. But anways, thank you for making me feel better about it all.

Quoting hip2it:

I'm often told that I'm a mean mom because I expect my kids to act a certain way, and they know it.  When they don't, things don't just slide past without a reminder.

Last weekend we were at a friend's home, all the kids were upstairs playing, and suddenly a few of them were screaming.  They were playing, but it was that scream that you should only be allowed to make if you're dying.  One parent calls up the stairs, "Ya'll cut it out!"  I went up the stairs, called mine aside, asked if it was them (it wasn't) and told them good and it better not be.  They know how to behave and I expect them to do so.

"Why are you so harsh on your kids?  They're having fun!"  I wasn't harsh, I was reminding them.

I don't spank, and my kids still get a lot of freedom to just be kids, but these are future adults that we are raising, and I expect mine to be respectful, respectable, responsible adults.


jabs54
by Platinum Member on Mar. 18, 2013 at 2:54 PM

 I'd have to have some examples to form an opinion on whether you are too strict.

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