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Advice for Moms Advice for Moms

Letting my 3 year old daughter see her grandfather for the first time?

Posted by on Mar. 18, 2013 at 7:11 PM
  • 9 Replies

This really is for advice for me. I have not seen my father in many years. Three years ago, my father found out that I had a baby through a cousin of ours. He then contacted me through facebook congratulating me as well as apologized for the long estrangement. We have been speaking via facebook for the past three years and now is asking to see his granddaughter. I was never very comfortable around my father growing up and I will probably feel even less comfortable seeing him now after not seeing him for close to 9 years. I am not sure how to respond to him wanting to see us. I personally have no interest in seeing him, but to deny him seeing his granchild would crush him. At the same time, he has done many things in the past to hurt me and I am not sure I can ever forgive him. I have a lot of pent up anger towards him. This whole situation makes me feel very uncomfortable. He did take full responsibilty for everything he has done to hurt me. I'm just not sure I will ever be ready for this. Any advise is greatly appreciated.

by on Mar. 18, 2013 at 7:11 PM
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Replies (1-9):
brittany208
by Bronze Member on Mar. 18, 2013 at 7:17 PM

If you are uncomfortable around him,then dont send your child over there alone. Maybe meet him for dinner or go to a parade or the zoo together or something. Then he can meet her, but in a short, safe way.

jbyrd898
by Member on Mar. 18, 2013 at 7:26 PM

I agree with the previous poster, meet him somewhere out that you dont have to spend a lot of time talking to him.

frndlyfn
by Platinum Member on Mar. 18, 2013 at 7:34 PM

I would definiteley meet somewhere public and wehre there are alot of people around if you are uncomfortable.   If you want to reconcile and put this pain behind you, you may want to do family counseling with him to hash out all problems and learn how to go forward without the anger.   I definitely would not let him see the child alone for a few visits.

BrittSam2011
by Member on Mar. 18, 2013 at 7:48 PM

Seriously, don't let him. It's your child, not his. And if you don't feel comfortable being around him you sure as heck shouldn't let your child around him. 

PinkParadox
by on Mar. 18, 2013 at 7:55 PM
1 mom liked this
It really just depends on what he did. I will say that harboring anger only hurts you, and eventually will affect your current family. Find a way to heal yourself. I can't say if you should rebuild a relationship, but running solves nothing.
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Lindalou907
by Silver Member on Mar. 18, 2013 at 8:04 PM

This could be the start of something great for both of you. I would ask him to go to a counseling session with you first so you can have a referee there to help you express your feelings and then he can express his. He's lost a lot of years with you and he wants to make amends, I would give him a chance. Unless he was violent or a molester, of course those would be deal breakers for hanging out with my child.

luvemboth
by Silver Member on Mar. 18, 2013 at 8:20 PM
If he's owned up to & apologized for his wrong doings, it's possible he's a changed man. I agree with meeting at a public place and plan for just a short meeting, just to test the waters.
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raquel100
by Member on Mar. 18, 2013 at 11:04 PM

I was thinking of maybe having him come to my house for dinner or maybe go out to eat. My husband will be there so hopefully I won't have too much to worry about. I would never do this without my husband present.

lexishandRyason
by on Mar. 19, 2013 at 7:21 AM

get over yourself and let the man see his grandkids. unless he molested you, i see no reason to deny him his grandkids

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