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i just started a new relationship about 2 months ago things are good and we are very happy together. but i just miscarried his baby. i wasn't far along and we had no clue i was pregnant.

we have talked about having kids and we both agreed we wanted to wait a year or so.

so my question is should i tell him i miscarried?? i waited til he went to work the other day and went to the ER where they told me it was a miscarriage. i am very upset although i didn't want another baby right now...im still very hurt...WWYD???
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by on Mar. 19, 2013 at 2:45 AM
Replies (21-30):
caro100
by on Mar. 19, 2013 at 1:31 PM

Of course you tell him, why wouldn't you?  Are you afraid he will break up with you.  Is he just there with you because you were pregnant?  You say you guys really weren't wanting any at this time anyway.  I am sure he will be hurt and sad, but  it was nature's way of taking care of things that weren't quite right.  Besides you shouldn't be carrying this load alone.  Tell him when he gets home from work.  Today!!!!

LilDzMamma2010
by on Mar. 19, 2013 at 2:20 PM
i feel like by not telling him is my only way of protecting him from hurting too.

Quoting ThinkAgainMom:

I'm not sure I understand.  Why wouldn't you tell him?

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LilDzMamma2010
by on Mar. 19, 2013 at 2:22 PM
no its not that i think he will leave i just dont want him to hurt at all. i feel like not telling him is my only way to protect him from hurting.

Quoting caro100:

Of course you tell him, why wouldn't you?  Are you afraid he will break up with you.  Is he just there with you because you were pregnant?  You say you guys really weren't wanting any at this time anyway.  I am sure he will be hurt and sad, but  it was nature's way of taking care of things that weren't quite right.  Besides you shouldn't be carrying this load alone.  Tell him when he gets home from work.  Today!!!!

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
kirbymom
by Bronze Member on Mar. 19, 2013 at 2:23 PM

Aww >> I am so sorry for your loss.  :( 

Yes, I would tell my s/o that had happened.  Would you be upset if you found out that he had kept something as monumental, from you? You know you would be very upset. I think he would too.   

At least give him that opportunity to be, one way or the other.  

caro100
by on Mar. 19, 2013 at 2:28 PM

Not your job to protect him from hurt.  You and he will always have hurt and troubles in this world, that's life.  If there is no hurt and no pain, you can't know joy either.   Having a shared pain can make your relatioship stronger.  If he can't handle this, you need to know now not later.

Quoting LilDzMamma2010:

no its not that i think he will leave i just dont want him to hurt at all. i feel like not telling him is my only way to protect him from hurting.

Quoting caro100:

Of course you tell him, why wouldn't you?  Are you afraid he will break up with you.  Is he just there with you because you were pregnant?  You say you guys really weren't wanting any at this time anyway.  I am sure he will be hurt and sad, but  it was nature's way of taking care of things that weren't quite right.  Besides you shouldn't be carrying this load alone.  Tell him when he gets home from work.  Today!!!!


whoodathunk
by Bronze Member on Mar. 19, 2013 at 4:50 PM

I'm very sorry for your loss. 

I believe that you should tell him.  You should be there to support eachother.  As your hormones surge to re-stablize, it will help if he understands why. 

You should talk with your gyn and get on a more effective form of birthcontrol if you are not ready/planning on another child right now.  You are probably very fertile right after losing a baby.

TalulaBelleLove
by on Mar. 19, 2013 at 5:22 PM

First off, I'm very sorry for you loss. Even if you didn't know it can still be a hard struggle. And for that reason I would tell him for sure. You guys can lean on each other and hopefully he will be able to provide emotional support for. Plus it will give you an opportunity to see where you both stand on kids, like if you plan on switching b/c or think you might be ready for a baby in a few months. I think its important to keep an open and honest dialogue that way nothing can ever come back to haunt you. Hugs to you

ThinkAgainMom
by on Mar. 19, 2013 at 6:45 PM

I would like to believe your reason.  I am not sure I do, entirely.  Are you worried that after only 2 months your relationship isn't well-established enough to deal with an unexpected pregnancy, even if it ended?

Couples who have a healthy relationship share pain and loss and support each other, all the time.  They wouldn't want their partner to hide something just to 'save them' the pain.  It destroys the honesty and intimacy of the relationship, particularly if the loss is theirs too!

I wonder if part of your reason is that he told you he doesn't want to have children NOW.  You are on BC but something didn't work. Will he be angry because you made a mistake?  Will he stop trusting you? 


Quoting LilDzMamma2010:

i feel like by not telling him is my only way of protecting him from hurting too.

Quoting ThinkAgainMom:

I'm not sure I understand.  Why wouldn't you tell him?


 

aurora.dove
by Bronze Member on Mar. 19, 2013 at 6:48 PM

I would tell him, it was his baby too. He deserves to know.

CampClan
by Bronze Member on Mar. 19, 2013 at 6:59 PM

I agree with the others. Tell him what happened. I had this happen to me once. I wasn't on BC when I got pregnant, didn't know I was pregnant & started my BC. I ended up having a miscarriage because the BC caused the fetus to not implant. I told my H (now ex) about it & he seemed very upset (more than I was) about it. 

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