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Advice for Moms Advice for Moms

I ask for help but I just get a dirty look or a mean comment!!

My daughter is 11months old and high maintenence. Most nights she stays up til 3am and I am the one who is always up with her. Since the day she came home with us I can count on my fingers the times that my boyfried has changed a diaper! If I ask him to change her or hold her even just so I can go to the bathroom he argues and we get into a fight.. He works 8hrs a day and when he gets home he sleeps three or four hours so I am stuck doing homework with his kids (he has two one 6 and one 10yr old), making dinner, and taking care of the baby. I don't mind doing house work and in the 6months that we've been in our new place he hasn't cooked a meal, done laundry, dishes etc. I try to make things comfortable for everyone, but it would be nice to get a break. A big stress of mine is that my daughter has epilepsy and needs several medications twice a day, which she despises taking so it is not fun or easy to do. He has never given her the medication and says he never will because he "doesnt want her to hate him". Any simple request is seen as me nagging him. My family says, though he is older, he is immature and to move on. I've asked whole heartedly and nicely even beggeed before and still it's always "just a second" (wich means no) or he gives me a deep sigh followed by an eye roll and a rude remark. Half the time now I don't ask, but I am about to snap (again!!). I am upset, annoyed, dissapointed and to the point where I almost hate myself for staying with him. Anyway, I would like some help with getting help please any advice?

by on Mar. 20, 2013 at 8:32 AM
Replies (11-20):
butterflycircle
by on Mar. 20, 2013 at 9:54 AM

I agree with other posters that being a SAHM includes doing the house work and cooking and stuff. I am a SAHM and I do the laundry, dishes, cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, tend to the kids, and help with homework and studying. My husband works and goes to school. When he gets home I want him to be comfortable and relax and do what he needs to do (sleep, homework, shower, eat ...).

Yes I do expect him to help with the kids if needed though. If I need to go to the bathroom, shower, help our oldest with homeowrk, put our middle child to sleep, bf our new born... I expect him to help with the other child(ren) if needed. I can see why this would bother you if he gives you a hard time about little things like this. The older two are his kids and he should be more involved in their lives than you are, however, if you moved in together knowing the role you would be taking on in their lives... I don't know that you have that much to complain about there. 

All of that being said. If you are at the point where you almost hate your self for staying with him, then you need to talk to him about that. You need to have a long serious conversation with him about how you feel in your relationship and why and what you need and what you guys could work together to fix/change. Don't make it all about blaming him or nagging him or anything b/c then he wont listen and will feel attacked.

Good luck

Lindalou907
by Silver Member on Mar. 20, 2013 at 10:56 AM
2 moms liked this

It would be bad enough that he doesn't help with the baby and the house but the fact that you are taking care of his TWO other kids just makes me think he's very selfish. And you're not even engaged. If you want to try to make it work try counseling, otherwise make a plan, save some money and get out.

MamaSnaps
by on Mar. 20, 2013 at 1:00 PM

see a counselor with him. What you are unable to explain and get him to compromise to someone from the outside looking in can tell him much easier. 

restlessLullaby
by on Mar. 20, 2013 at 1:32 PM

Not at all thank you for your opinion I agree with you on everything. Her newest medication makes her sleepy(and irritable) and I give it to her at 7am so she sleeps during the day and I have to give it again at 7pm so she takes a 3hr nap and it messes up her sleep schedule. I am glad you didn't sugar coat it, I needed a reality check.

restlessLullaby
by on Mar. 20, 2013 at 1:46 PM

This is the third year with him and I am fine raising his kids and my own I guess what i was trying to say origionally is that he doesn't respect or apreciate me. I am the one spending time with his kids and his job isn't hard he works in fast food wich is where we met (i worked there for 2years its a joke) so i know what he does all day at work. My daughters sleep schedule is messed up because of the anti seizure medication, but thanks for the concern. I came here looking for support and advice. Thanks for that.

HuggaBug1991
by on Mar. 20, 2013 at 4:07 PM

 You may not want to hear this, but LEAVE! He IS immature and needs to grow up and the only way he is going to do that is if you leave or tell him to leave whichever. Sorry Momma.

jhslove
by Bronze Member on Mar. 20, 2013 at 4:13 PM

 Wait, so she sleeps for a significant portion of the day, and then takes a nap from 7-10 p.m. after she gets the medication in the evening?

When the doctor prescribed it, was there a conversation about sleep? What is his or her advice? Do other parents who have their children on the same medication have the same experience?

Quoting restlessLullaby:

Not at all thank you for your opinion I agree with you on everything. Her newest medication makes her sleepy(and irritable) and I give it to her at 7am so she sleeps during the day and I have to give it again at 7pm so she takes a 3hr nap and it messes up her sleep schedule. I am glad you didn't sugar coat it, I needed a reality check.


 

MrsJoe125
by on Mar. 20, 2013 at 4:23 PM

This is why I decided that I was going to know the guy and get married BEFORE I started having sex!!!

Basherte
by Bronze Member on Mar. 20, 2013 at 4:23 PM

Leave him and move on. It will never get better. (in my opinion)

Most times people don't change unless they feel that there is something that needs to be changed, and by what you are saying his behavior is, he doesn't see a need to change. Save yourself the heartache and leave him now before it gets worse.

CafeMom Tickers
lazyd
by Member on Mar. 20, 2013 at 6:26 PM

Kick him to the curb.  You are his maid and slave!  If he was on his own - with his OWN kids than he would have to learn to cook, clean, etc.  I know you may love your step kids, but this man IS NOT going to grow up!  Get a back bone and stand up for yourself.  Just don't cook and cut off his way to funds so he can't just go out n eat fast food, so he will have to cook - tell him you are busy (with your daughter and helping step kids with homework) too n cant cook. Give him a list of things to do, like cooking or cleaning or laundry and if its not done, than he'll live in a pigsty.  DONT wash his clothes.  He does not respect you and is a lazy slob.  What time is he going to bed, that he isnt getting enough that he has to come home from work n sleeps 3 or 4 more hours!?!?  I can understand if you had a physically stressful job n come home n take a "nap" but that is like 30 mins not 3 hours! 

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