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Advice for Moms Advice for Moms

I ask for help but I just get a dirty look or a mean comment!!

My daughter is 11months old and high maintenence. Most nights she stays up til 3am and I am the one who is always up with her. Since the day she came home with us I can count on my fingers the times that my boyfried has changed a diaper! If I ask him to change her or hold her even just so I can go to the bathroom he argues and we get into a fight.. He works 8hrs a day and when he gets home he sleeps three or four hours so I am stuck doing homework with his kids (he has two one 6 and one 10yr old), making dinner, and taking care of the baby. I don't mind doing house work and in the 6months that we've been in our new place he hasn't cooked a meal, done laundry, dishes etc. I try to make things comfortable for everyone, but it would be nice to get a break. A big stress of mine is that my daughter has epilepsy and needs several medications twice a day, which she despises taking so it is not fun or easy to do. He has never given her the medication and says he never will because he "doesnt want her to hate him". Any simple request is seen as me nagging him. My family says, though he is older, he is immature and to move on. I've asked whole heartedly and nicely even beggeed before and still it's always "just a second" (wich means no) or he gives me a deep sigh followed by an eye roll and a rude remark. Half the time now I don't ask, but I am about to snap (again!!). I am upset, annoyed, dissapointed and to the point where I almost hate myself for staying with him. Anyway, I would like some help with getting help please any advice?

by on Mar. 20, 2013 at 8:32 AM
Replies (21-30):
25beengoodtome
by on Mar. 20, 2013 at 8:35 PM

 Daddy needs to realize HE is a huge example to his children.............When mom asks for something, "OK" and "Sure" should be the answer.TV/ snuggle time is for after bath and jammies.

aurora.dove
by Bronze Member on Mar. 20, 2013 at 8:40 PM
2 moms liked this

I would get out of there, that isn't healthy! I mean a lot of guys are kind of lacking in the parenting department but to pretty much flat out refuse to hold his child is pathetic! He's not gonna have to worry about her hating him for giving her medicine...he's making that pretty possible by refusing to care for her. She's eventually going to pick up on the fact that daddy doesn't want anything to do with her. I would be out of there so fast I would leave a cartoon like hole in the front door. You can get PA I'm sure as well as disability and medical assistance for your daughter since she's epileptic. PA should be able to get you foodstamps, and a place to stay until you can on your feet. 

chavala1084
by on Mar. 21, 2013 at 12:06 AM

BUMP!

Zazayam
by on Mar. 21, 2013 at 12:56 AM

Please don't think I'm bashing, and I'm sorry you're so stressed.

You need to be firmer with your little one, YOU should set the schedule not a high maintenance baby. Especially if she has health issues, she needs a steady schedule and a steady routine. You'll have to be persistent and stick with it, or it's only going to get worse from here.

Not even a year old? Honey, everything is going to get MUCH worse from here...

Do you work? I'm one of those that believe if you're a SAHM it is your job to do all the cooking, cleaning and baby tending. If you work too, then you need to have a serious talk with your guy.

Mom2Just1
by Mom2boys on Mar. 21, 2013 at 12:58 AM
2 moms liked this
That wouldn't fly at my house. My husband and I parent together. Always. He cleans, cooks, raises our children,etc. just because someone or both parties work....does not mean they get to check out of parenting and household duties.
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jasonadamvowell
by on Mar. 21, 2013 at 1:04 AM
2 moms liked this
Apparently to most of the women who commented you don't need a break... That's bull shit! If you worked outside the home you would still be responsible for household duties and children I don't see why he can't pitch in when he gets home, he is the father and its not like you are asking him to clean the house!
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Hero1059
by on Mar. 21, 2013 at 7:50 AM
Quoting Mommy2justone:

I am sorry to just blatantly say this, but you should be figuring out a way for your daughter to be in bed at reasonable time. High maintenance isn't a reason for her to be up that late. 

Turn out all the lights and lay down with her if you need to. 

If she has a medical condition it is even more necessary for her to get a full nights sleep. 

Your boyfriend works all day, of course he doesn't want to do all of that.

I am sorry, I am of the mind that if you stay home with kids, the house is your job. The cleaning and cooking. I agree that he should clean up his own messes, and help with dinner dishes, help with homework, etc. But not stuff that you could do while home. The 6 and 10 year old are at school all day,  there is so much that can be done with baby in a wrap, or while baby is napping. 

I know it wasn't what you wanted to hear, that is just my opinion. 





No way Jose! I worked before I had my daughter. 8 hours at work and a 2 hour drive to and from. I came home and cooked dinner, cleaned and cared for my other 3 kids. Just because he works 8 hours does not gice him an excuse to not help out around the house or help with the baby. He helped make that baby and even with medical problems, she is still his responsibility. How is it fair that she has to stay home all day, and keep in mind, she is WORKING 8 hours, but not a paying a job, and yet when the boyfriend comes home she is expected to continue working while gets to unwind. Having a child with a medical condition is hard work. I have twin boys that have medically diagnosed disorders, nothing as serious as epilepsy, and my husband comes home from work and helps me everyday. My point is, the "its all her responsibility" is wrong.
Now, if it were me, and I have been in a similar situation except married version, I would tell him to shape up or ship out. I am sorry there are 2 other kids involved, his kids, but he needs to get over it and step up. Why should you be running around doing everything?. If you stay with him, more than likely things will be the same. I hate to put it like that but from experience, it is true. You need to take care of your daughter and yourself and if he isnt willing then cut him loose so the dead, nagging, loose weight wont drag you down.
Hero1059
by on Mar. 21, 2013 at 7:59 AM
I dont feel like all these replies telling her that since she moved in that those other kids are responbility now. Yea, it sucks that there are kids involved but they aren't her kids and the adults aren't even engaged, married or in a commited relationship that we know of. How is it far for another woman to be fully responsible for his children? He needs to be involved with HIS children no matter if she "knew what she was signing up for" that is a croc of crap. My mow husband, lived with me before we were engaged and i didnt make my kids his responsibility. He helped because he wanted to, not because he had no choice. Even married, they arent his complete responsibility, it is shared. Just because she is a SAHM, we dont need to throw her under the bus and blame it all on her. A household should be shared responsibility. No less.
Mommy2justone
by Mommy2justtwo on Mar. 21, 2013 at 8:57 AM
I was stating my opinion, it is what I feel, and was the advice I felt like giving. And I didn't say he shouldn't help around the house when he gets home, he should still help with homework, dinner dishes, and clean up his own messes. But not being bombarded with everything she could have done while she is working as a mother. It is her job, just like you said. If her husband asked her to do stuff he was supposed to do at his job, this would be an entirely different post.

Quoting Hero1059:

Quoting Mommy2justone:

I am sorry to just blatantly say this, but you should be figuring out a way for your daughter to be in bed at reasonable time. High maintenance isn't a reason for her to be up that late. 

Turn out all the lights and lay down with her if you need to. 

If she has a medical condition it is even more necessary for her to get a full nights sleep. 

Your boyfriend works all day, of course he doesn't want to do all of that.

I am sorry, I am of the mind that if you stay home with kids, the house is your job. The cleaning and cooking. I agree that he should clean up his own messes, and help with dinner dishes, help with homework, etc. But not stuff that you could do while home. The 6 and 10 year old are at school all day,  there is so much that can be done with baby in a wrap, or while baby is napping. 

I know it wasn't what you wanted to hear, that is just my opinion. 








No way Jose! I worked before I had my daughter. 8 hours at work and a 2 hour drive to and from. I came home and cooked dinner, cleaned and cared for my other 3 kids. Just because he works 8 hours does not gice him an excuse to not help out around the house or help with the baby. He helped make that baby and even with medical problems, she is still his responsibility. How is it fair that she has to stay home all day, and keep in mind, she is WORKING 8 hours, but not a paying a job, and yet when the boyfriend comes home she is expected to continue working while gets to unwind. Having a child with a medical condition is hard work. I have twin boys that have medically diagnosed disorders, nothing as serious as epilepsy, and my husband comes home from work and helps me everyday. My point is, the "its all her responsibility" is wrong.

Now, if it were me, and I have been in a similar situation except married version, I would tell him to shape up or ship out. I am sorry there are 2 other kids involved, his kids, but he needs to get over it and step up. Why should you be running around doing everything?. If you stay with him, more than likely things will be the same. I hate to put it like that but from experience, it is true. You need to take care of your daughter and yourself and if he isnt willing then cut him loose so the dead, nagging, loose weight wont drag you down.
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BrittSam2011
by Member on Mar. 21, 2013 at 9:39 AM

Ya he's a douche bag and obviously doesn't have the emotional maturity of a chimpanzee. You really need out or you'll go crazy and get super depressed. 

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