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Question for an assessment question - update/edit!

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Poll

Question: Would you take away all aspects of your child's privacy if they were cutting/self harming themselves?

Options:

Yes

No

Some/other - explained in post


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Total Votes: 40

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I was having coffee with a friend and she told me that her DD17 is doing a health class. They have a part of the class where they study mental illnesses. Today the class was apparently having a debate today about what a parent should do when confronted with self harming. Some of the class believed that if it was "obvious" that the child was doing it for attention that the parent should force the child to be ashamed of the behaviour by making them give up their bathroom privacy, bedroom privacy, limiting what clothes they should wear; etc. Other members believed that (regardless of whether it's for "attention" or not) the parents should not humilate the child further and make sure the child feels safe and secure. The teacher decided to have them write a report on what they think, what their parents think and what their parents would do BESIDES counselling. For some reason this report greatly interests me and now I'm turning it over to you moms, what would you do if your child was self harming? (besides counselling) Would you limit their privacy? One child asked "well shaving is a right, so wouldn't the parents be harming them further by disallowing them this basic right not to have hair on their legs/armpits/bikini line?" What do you think?


Well, I showed my friend's DD this post and she said that she thought taking away privacy/rights was shaming. She said she can understand no more electronic privacy, even limited normal privacy (i.e only being allowed in the bedroom to sleep) but never bathroom privacy being taken away. "THAT'S A RIGHT!!!" she says annoyed. :P she's a long way from being a mom. She now wants to know whether you guys would also take away having the right to choose what music/books the young person listens to/reads?


by on Mar. 20, 2013 at 11:32 PM
Replies (11-20):
stepconfused182
by Kelley on Mar. 21, 2013 at 7:24 AM
There is nothing in this world that I wouldn't do to protect my child. If that means pissing her off by watching her 24/7, then so be it. Her life is more important than her privacy.
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GleekingOut
by Member on Mar. 21, 2013 at 7:34 AM


So even checking her entire naked body for cuts? (I've always been confused about whether or not you're supposed to do that)

Quoting stepconfused182:

There is nothing in this world that I wouldn't do to protect my child. If that means pissing her off by watching her 24/7, then so be it. Her life is more important than her privacy.



stepconfused182
by Kelley on Mar. 21, 2013 at 7:41 AM
There is nothing I wouldn't do. I fiercely love my daughter and if something happened to her because I was respecting her privacy, I would never ever forgive myself. It is my job to keep her safe and I take that very seriously. Kids do not understand how fragile life is. I didn't begin to understand I was not invincible until after age 25 if I remember correctly.

Quoting GleekingOut:


So even checking her entire naked body for cuts? (I've always been confused about whether or not you're supposed to do that)


Quoting stepconfused182:

There is nothing in this world that I wouldn't do to protect my child. If that means pissing her off by watching her 24/7, then so be it. Her life is more important than her privacy.




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atlmom2
by Platinum Member on Mar. 21, 2013 at 8:19 AM
Cutting??? Anorexia and bulimia, yes you have to.
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momtoBrenna
by Bronze Member on Mar. 21, 2013 at 10:05 AM

Probably not, I don't think that shaving is a right, it is not necessary to daily living. 


Quoting GleekingOut:


Would you allow her to use an electric razor or waxing instead?

Quoting momtoBrenna:

I would limit their use of sharp implements and if that meant no shaving so be it. 





atlmom2
by Platinum Member on Mar. 21, 2013 at 10:12 AM


You have to  do that with an bulimic teen or adult for that matter.  They can't ever be alone.  I guess if the bathroom was sterile and you checked them before they went in.  Cutting seems to be huge now.  Never heard of it when I was in school 30+ years ago. 


Quoting GleekingOut:

Fair enough in that case. It's when it's sitting in the bathroom watching your neurotypical kid have a shower that seems to be crossing a line with these kids. I'm not sure if they discussed special needs kids harming the way you do, but in your case I completely agree with you. :) stay strong.


Quoting rhiannonaisling:

I have special needs children. They go through cycles of self harming (in this case biting and hitting heads against the wall) and when they are in those cycles they have no privacy because of safety concerns (one is nonverbal) but these cycles tend to be rather short (2 weeks to a month, 2-3 times a year) we know what sets off one child and try to limit that but still don't know what sets off the verbal one.




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GleekingOut
by Member on Mar. 21, 2013 at 10:56 AM
Personally I feel it is a right because its hair (unwanted) growing on *your* body. I feel a woman has every right to shave it or not. In saying so however I would probably make it part of our routine to shave once a week together and I hold the razors at all other times. I'd want her to try to feel good about herself not worse


Quoting momtoBrenna:

Probably not, I don't think that shaving is a right, it is not necessary to daily living. 



Quoting GleekingOut:


Would you allow her to use an electric razor or waxing instead?


Quoting momtoBrenna:

I would limit their use of sharp implements and if that meant no shaving so be it. 








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GleekingOut
by Member on Mar. 21, 2013 at 10:59 AM
Sterile? I don't understand. (Forgive me it's 1am here) but yes I would check my kid and I would probably either check the clothes she takes in to the bathroom too. But as for not being alone wouldn't that make their depression/thoughts/feelings worse?


Quoting atlmom2:


You have to  do that with an bulimic teen or adult for that matter.  They can't ever be alone.  I guess if the bathroom was sterile and you checked them before they went in.  Cutting seems to be huge now.  Never heard of it when I was in school 30+ years ago. 



Quoting GleekingOut:

Fair enough in that case. It's when it's sitting in the bathroom watching your neurotypical kid have a shower that seems to be crossing a line with these kids. I'm not sure if they discussed special needs kids harming the way you do, but in your case I completely agree with you. :) stay strong.





Quoting rhiannonaisling:

I have special needs children. They go through cycles of self harming (in this case biting and hitting heads against the wall) and when they are in those cycles they have no privacy because of safety concerns (one is nonverbal) but these cycles tend to be rather short (2 weeks to a month, 2-3 times a year) we know what sets off one child and try to limit that but still don't know what sets off the verbal one.







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atlmom2
by Platinum Member on Mar. 21, 2013 at 11:01 AM

Nothing in the bathroom whatsoever they could harm themselves with.  Sometimes you have to do things that eventually help the person even if they don't see it as such at the time as in bulimics.  I am sure they hate showering in front of someone and going the bathroom with someone watching but it has to be done. 


Quoting GleekingOut:

Sterile? I don't understand. (Forgive me it's 1am here) but yes I would check my kid and I would probably either check the clothes she takes in to the bathroom too. But as for not being alone wouldn't that make their depression/thoughts/feelings worse?


Quoting atlmom2:


You have to  do that with an bulimic teen or adult for that matter.  They can't ever be alone.  I guess if the bathroom was sterile and you checked them before they went in.  Cutting seems to be huge now.  Never heard of it when I was in school 30+ years ago. 



Quoting GleekingOut:

Fair enough in that case. It's when it's sitting in the bathroom watching your neurotypical kid have a shower that seems to be crossing a line with these kids. I'm not sure if they discussed special needs kids harming the way you do, but in your case I completely agree with you. :) stay strong.





Quoting rhiannonaisling:

I have special needs children. They go through cycles of self harming (in this case biting and hitting heads against the wall) and when they are in those cycles they have no privacy because of safety concerns (one is nonverbal) but these cycles tend to be rather short (2 weeks to a month, 2-3 times a year) we know what sets off one child and try to limit that but still don't know what sets off the verbal one.









Come join me at The Duggars Debate, The Good, The Bad and the Ugly

GleekingOut
by Member on Mar. 21, 2013 at 11:07 AM
Ah makes sense now. I was reading a book where there was a anorexic girl and she was so angry at her condition because her body just wouldn't allow her to pee with someone in the room that her nurse agreed that she would stand at the door but not looking at this girl peeing. Showering however came with the condition that the nurse would turn back around if she stopped talking or making noise.


Quoting atlmom2:

Nothing in the bathroom whatsoever they could harm themselves with.  Sometimes you have to do things that eventually help the person even if they don't see it as such at the time as in bulimics.  I am sure they hate showering in front of someone and going the bathroom with someone watching but it has to be done. 



Quoting GleekingOut:

Sterile? I don't understand. (Forgive me it's 1am here) but yes I would check my kid and I would probably either check the clothes she takes in to the bathroom too. But as for not being alone wouldn't that make their depression/thoughts/feelings worse?





Quoting atlmom2:


You have to  do that with an bulimic teen or adult for that matter.  They can't ever be alone.  I guess if the bathroom was sterile and you checked them before they went in.  Cutting seems to be huge now.  Never heard of it when I was in school 30+ years ago. 




Quoting GleekingOut:

Fair enough in that case. It's when it's sitting in the bathroom watching your neurotypical kid have a shower that seems to be crossing a line with these kids. I'm not sure if they discussed special needs kids harming the way you do, but in your case I completely agree with you. :) stay strong.








Quoting rhiannonaisling:

I have special needs children. They go through cycles of self harming (in this case biting and hitting heads against the wall) and when they are in those cycles they have no privacy because of safety concerns (one is nonverbal) but these cycles tend to be rather short (2 weeks to a month, 2-3 times a year) we know what sets off one child and try to limit that but still don't know what sets off the verbal one.














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