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Question for an assessment question - update/edit!

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Poll

Question: Would you take away all aspects of your child's privacy if they were cutting/self harming themselves?

Options:

Yes

No

Some/other - explained in post


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Total Votes: 40

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I was having coffee with a friend and she told me that her DD17 is doing a health class. They have a part of the class where they study mental illnesses. Today the class was apparently having a debate today about what a parent should do when confronted with self harming. Some of the class believed that if it was "obvious" that the child was doing it for attention that the parent should force the child to be ashamed of the behaviour by making them give up their bathroom privacy, bedroom privacy, limiting what clothes they should wear; etc. Other members believed that (regardless of whether it's for "attention" or not) the parents should not humilate the child further and make sure the child feels safe and secure. The teacher decided to have them write a report on what they think, what their parents think and what their parents would do BESIDES counselling. For some reason this report greatly interests me and now I'm turning it over to you moms, what would you do if your child was self harming? (besides counselling) Would you limit their privacy? One child asked "well shaving is a right, so wouldn't the parents be harming them further by disallowing them this basic right not to have hair on their legs/armpits/bikini line?" What do you think?


Well, I showed my friend's DD this post and she said that she thought taking away privacy/rights was shaming. She said she can understand no more electronic privacy, even limited normal privacy (i.e only being allowed in the bedroom to sleep) but never bathroom privacy being taken away. "THAT'S A RIGHT!!!" she says annoyed. :P she's a long way from being a mom. She now wants to know whether you guys would also take away having the right to choose what music/books the young person listens to/reads?


by on Mar. 20, 2013 at 11:32 PM
Replies (21-30):
rmgriffberg
by on Mar. 21, 2013 at 11:20 AM
1 mom liked this

 here is the issue, if a person wants to self harm they will find a way. you can take away all sharp objects but they will find a way. it is really easy to hide sharp objects. also to limit what they wear may or may not be affective.if they usually cut on their arms and the parent finds out and is always checking their arms they can change to the upper leg or something. until the child is ready to be helped taking stuff away wont solve the problem...and it could affect the child negatively and make them feel worse so they feel they need to hurt themselves more.
now im not saying you shouldnt "hide" sharp objects from the child, you should...just dont think that will solve the problem. i would hide all sharp objects and may even do random room searches. i would have LOTS of talks with my child. i would want them to try to open up to me about how they are feeling. i would exercise with my child and make sure some endorphins are being released.

kim8934
by on Mar. 21, 2013 at 11:22 AM

I would say no just because taking away a teens privacy would cause more harm than good.  Most of the times, communication with the teen is already strained.  Making life worse for them will not solve the problem.

Queen_Bree
by on Mar. 21, 2013 at 4:14 PM

Well, Im glad your child is at that place. Some kids aren't. So taking anything that has the potential to harm them is the right thing to do. I had several girls in the group home I worked at that didn't care what the object was that they used to harm themselves. I had one girl nearly dig her eyes out with her own tooth brush and another who stuck nails (that were used to hold pictures on the walls) through her face and tongue. Another broke a plastic mirror from her purse and cut her self with it. These are severe cases but you never know how bad a case is until you fully evaluate it and that begins by taking the proper precautions to begin with.

Quoting GleekingOut:


No - I can't see the general self harmer smashing a giant wall mirror in order to cut :/ With my DD once the knives were gone she started to get better. I've always made sure she's had electric razors anyway so razors weren't an issue for her.

Quoting Queen_Bree:

Sure, if they were that unstable... 

Quoting GleekingOut:

so they would have to even do their hair in front of you so that you could monitor the mirror?


Quoting Queen_Bree:

I would not take away privacy becuse privacy is very important to a child especially a teen but I would imit the items that they were allowed to use, such as razors, scissors, needles, knives, mirrors etc... Those items would have to be used in front of me until a time when they became more mentally stable







MomBowen
by Member on Mar. 21, 2013 at 6:19 PM

My daughter was a cutter. We tried the no privacy. Made things worse because then she snuck the cutting. Took away the items she might most likely use, she found other items. Besides the counceling, we helped her understand that it was okay to feel or not feel. (She told me one time she cut because that was the only time she felt anything) She had PTSD, severe anxiety, and other issues. We finally struck a balance of what worked for us where when she started to feel the need to cut, she come to me first and tell me. Together we talked, found an activity that she could "feel" through or isolated her from anything she could damage herself with until she felt she could function. Many times I sat holding her tightly to keep her safe. Our family has issues with man-made chemicals so we were unable to successfully use medication and had to explore non-traditional things like focused behaviorial therapy. Each child is different and the cause of the cutting behavior is different. It would be difficult to determine the reason without good proffessional help. Never, never ignore it. My daughter is now a happy well adjusted person and successful with her life. We got lucky that we found the right combination for us, sometimes there may not be a solution without intensive medical intervention.

Bleacheddecay
by on Mar. 21, 2013 at 6:19 PM

Self harming is scary but it's not as bad as most people think. It doesn't mean that the person is suicidal which is what many assume. I would not take away privacy but I would take away things I think they might self harm, make sure they had therapy and talk with her, as well as listen a great deal.

GleekingOut
by Member on Mar. 21, 2013 at 6:41 PM
Exactly.


Quoting kim8934:

I would say no just because taking away a teens privacy would cause more harm than good.  Most of the times, communication with the teen is already strained.  Making life worse for them will not solve the problem.


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thatgirl70
by Carin on Mar. 21, 2013 at 7:22 PM
I would never shame, but I don't know what I would do exactly. Be there for him of course, offer whatever kind of help I could.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
GleekingOut
by Member on Mar. 21, 2013 at 8:26 PM

Well, I showed my friend's DD this post and she said that she thought taking away privacy/rights was shaming. She said she can understand no more electronic privacy, even limited normal privacy (i.e only being allowed in the bedroom to sleep) but never bathroom privacy being taken away. "THAT'S A RIGHT!!!" she says annoyed. :P she's a long way from being a mom


Quoting thatgirl70:

I would never shame, but I don't know what I would do exactly. Be there for him of course, offer whatever kind of help I could.



momtoBrenna
by Bronze Member on Mar. 21, 2013 at 10:52 PM

As a teen, dd can read what she wants, she won't be listening to certain genres of music in my home but she likes classical best so I have no worries at this point. We do censor some of what she reads and listens to now but, she is 7 currently. 

GleekingOut
by Member on Mar. 21, 2013 at 11:08 PM


My DD is 21 - and as soon as she bought her own MP3 player (at 15) I had no control over what she listened to or when she listened to it. I did however tell her that if she was playing it outside of her headphones if I didn't like it she had to change the song or lose her stereo. As for books - I haven't seen any books of hers that she read since she was...14 and started buying her own books.

Quoting momtoBrenna:

As a teen, dd can read what she wants, she won't be listening to certain genres of music in my home but she likes classical best so I have no worries at this point. We do censor some of what she reads and listens to now but, she is 7 currently. 



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