Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Advice for Moms Advice for Moms

biological dad in jail for child abuse help very confused

Posted by on Mar. 21, 2013 at 1:34 PM
  • 12 Replies

my daughters father has drug addiction bipolar and manic depressive. he was put in prison 3 years ago sentenced to 4 years for child abuse against his son with another mother. I had all his visitation removed last year but my daughter has a complete memory of him and seems to believe that he is going to be better after getting out of jail and she will be allowed to be around him. I have tried to explain to her that he makes really bad choices but she just doesn't get it. she has him up on a pedestal as super dad. The biggest problem is my daughter and i both have a good relationship with his family she has sleepovers with his mother they include her in holidays and all other family events.  I would hate to take those things away from her but once he is released from jail he will also be at those things. She is attending counseling but it just doesn't seem to make any difference.


This may  sound a little crazy but when he isnt on drugs and following his medication regimen he isn't a bad person but him doing that is very difficult.


The big question is would you allow your child to be around him with his mother supervised.


He has had many arrest from DWI possession of control substance many charges of family violence and 1 charge of child abuse the child abuse was against a 3month old that was put on life support and in the care of cps for a year before being returned to biological mom.
by on Mar. 21, 2013 at 1:34 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Bleacheddecay
by on Mar. 21, 2013 at 1:53 PM

No. I wouldn't. The reason why is that mothers often don't do anything about bad behavior from their children, particularly adult kids. They just pretend it isn't happening or that there is nothing they can do because the child is now and adult and it's his child and so on. These types of mother's tend to be very nice people btw. In fact, I'd say too nice to thier own kids which is how the child (now adult) got so messed up in the first place.

From now on, my child would only be allowed over there with me or someone I could trust to put thier food down and protect from the bio dad (if needed) there.

Mom-3girls-1boy
by on Mar. 21, 2013 at 1:58 PM


Thank you for the advice. I did have one situation that my child told me dad was arrested with her in the car and grandma picked her from the side of the road and grandma said she must have dreamed that up because it didn't happen but daughter promises it happened.

Quoting Bleacheddecay:

No. I wouldn't. The reason why is that mothers often don't do anything about bad behavior from their children, particularly adult kids. They just pretend it isn't happening or that there is nothing they can do because the child is now and adult and it's his child and so on. These types of mother's tend to be very nice people btw. In fact, I'd say too nice to thier own kids which is how the child (now adult) got so messed up in the first place.



Bleacheddecay
by on Mar. 21, 2013 at 1:59 PM

That sort of denial is not a great sign.


Quoting Mom-3girls-1boy:


Thank you for the advice. I did have one situation that my child told me dad was arrested with her in the car and grandma picked her from the side of the road and grandma said she must have dreamed that up because it didn't happen but daughter promises it happened.

Quoting Bleacheddecay:

No. I wouldn't. The reason why is that mothers often don't do anything about bad behavior from their children, particularly adult kids. They just pretend it isn't happening or that there is nothing they can do because the child is now and adult and it's his child and so on. These types of mother's tend to be very nice people btw. In fact, I'd say too nice to thier own kids which is how the child (now adult) got so messed up in the first place.





OHgirlinCA
by Silver Member on Mar. 21, 2013 at 2:00 PM
3 moms liked this

 I wouldn't allow my child around him unless I was by her side AT ALL TIMES!

woodswalker
by Bronze Member on Mar. 21, 2013 at 3:24 PM
1 mom liked this

No.   Espescially considering his mother tried to convince your DD something she actually witnessed didnt happen.   WTF?  None of them have what's best for her on their minds.  If she really wants to see him, I say meet him in a neutral place--McDonalds or a park and let them spend time with you steps away .

belindah
by on Mar. 21, 2013 at 3:48 PM
1 mom liked this

 No way, she wont know if he will walk into her house high, and your child isnt worth that risk

mommaFruFru
by Bronze Member on Mar. 21, 2013 at 3:49 PM
Yes. If you keep your dd from a parent she loves, it will backfire! Never talk negative about him, just simple truths, if he doesn't stay on his meds your dd will see how *bad* daddy cannne and she can choose to have a relationship with him or not
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Lindalou907
by Silver Member on Mar. 21, 2013 at 4:01 PM

Yes I would, as long as he takes his meds. The minute I found out he wasn't I wouldn't let her go over there. Maybe this will keep him doing the right thing.

Queen_Bree
by on Mar. 21, 2013 at 4:17 PM
1 mom liked this

No child should be taken from their parent because the parent is sick. He IS sick. I do not think she should have visitation with him unless it is with a professional supervisor for a short period of time. When he becomes stable THEN he can transition over to less rigid supervision. perhaps with his Mother or another family member. I wish you the best.

flywifey86
by Member on Mar. 21, 2013 at 4:20 PM
1 mom liked this
I would make sure that he takes his meds, is clean from drugs and I would be by her side at all times.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN