Hello all. I just joined this group but have been reading it for months.
i am 31 yo with 3 boys, and have been married to my husband 10 years in November.
he has one sibling, a younger brother who is getting married in August. His younher brother, my BIL, has a 6 month old with his fiancé and she has a 9 year old from a previous relationship (she is 27).
i like both of them very much. We ge along great albeit don't get to spend much time together as they live over an hour away and life gets crazy on both our parts.
My issue began when they started their wedding planning.
I eventually realized that they wouldn't be asking me to stand up. She has a lot of friends and a sister so all together there will be 6 bridesmaids. Then one day we are together chatting and SIL starts telling me how she was debating wether or not to ask this other friend to stand up- the friend had caused a lot of drama in a previous wedding she had recently been in, being a bridesmaidzilla. She then proceeded to tell me she decided she would give the girl one chance and could always replace her with yet another friend if it didn't work out. She then demoted her 17 year old sister to be a jr bridesmaid and now all together there are 7 girls standing up. I felt a bit bad that she is telling me all this as I am realizing my place in her life is more and more trivial as I wasn't considered to stand up., and her very rude friend had priority over me.
then time passes and SIL asks me if my oldest (her husband-to-be's godson/nephew) would pull her baby down the aisle as her son will be walking her down the aisle. I felt a bit better about everything because she is at least including one of my boys. A few months later she calls and asks if I don't mind if the kids aren't invited to the wedding because she is having no kids come except her own. I was still thinking at this point they would at least go to the ceremony and be in the pictures. I later found out see asked someone else (friends kid) to take the baby down the aisle, and she acted as if she never asked me about my oldest, and she meant for my kids not to come at all.
A year goes by since they started planning and they finally mention for the first time they would like my husband to stand up and be the best man. I was starting to wonder if they were even going to ask him.
In the mean time, she knows I have planned weddings and large corporate parties and keeps hinting for me to help her with things. She, in a roundabout way, asked me to make her centerpieces, I told her I wished I could but didn't have the time or energy to take on such a project as I work and have 3 kids and my last project consumed my life. She has also called a few other times to complain her bridesmaids aren't doing enough and want my advice and help on planning her shower, source her shower favors through my work, possibly make the favors, etc.To be completely honest, if I felt like she wanted me to be a part of her wedding I probably would do these things for her because I love putting together events and I love helping people, but I feel like I am being used. She never even came out and said I know you're busy but I would love your help, or anything like that...she would just be like hey hey maybe when you're done with that event you could make those for my wedding, or "/sigh - my girls gave up on finding me a shower location. What am I going to do? You must know a place? Here is my budget. I don't know how I'm going to do it on my own on top of everything else. "
I haven't said anything to her up until this point because I don't want to sound like a crazy person trying to start wedding drama. Plus, if I have to tell her I am hurt by her actions and she says ok bring your kids for family pictures, then I still know she originally didn't want them there. I also don't want to sound like a jerk for not going out of my way for her and my husbands only sibling, but we do a lot for them already, and I feel like the only time she ever calls is to "slyly" ask me for something.
Sould I say something? If the wedding was over I could just let it go, but I have 5 more months (and a lifetime of looking at their wedding pictures) of feeling like me and my boys are being insulted