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He's never had a committed relationship but he's going through divorce #3

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It hit me last night-while speaking with my fiance, I asked him a series of questions. Whenever I speak to him about any of his past relationships, he's tried to shut me down, but this time I needed answers. I was pretty sure from the way he talked about his first wife, he was more concerned about how she looked in lingerie and married her (he was USAF), so I guessed (correctly) they hadn't really known each other very long. His second wife (and mother of his dd) he had only known her for eight months prior to marrying her. I think the major contributing factor in their marriage breaking down was the beginnings of PTSD (he was in Desert Storm). His last wife was WAY too young and immature-and he admitted that it was more about having sex than anything else.


I then thought of something, and asked him if he had a serious relationship with ANYONE prior to being married-and he said no. Then it hit me-THAT IS THE  PROBLEM!


I told him that I am not backing out of the engagement, but we really need to work on him to understand what it truly means to be in a committed relationship. Everything I've thought of so far has been juvenile though-he's 48 and I'm 41. So any advice would be greatly appreciated.

by on Mar. 23, 2013 at 9:42 PM
Replies (11-17):
erinsmom1964
by Gold Member on Mar. 24, 2013 at 3:27 PM
2 moms liked this


Quoting scorpiobabes:

I came here for advice, not to be criticized like this. Not one of any of you know me, my circumstances, or even tried one iota to offer advice. It's no wonder that I don't get along with women when they act like this!!! Thanks for nothing.

Maybe you have a hard time getting along with other woman because when you get good solid advise ( RUN for example) you whine and complain.  If you just want someone to agree with you then don't ask for THEIR advise. 41 ? really?

PinkParadox
by on Mar. 24, 2013 at 3:31 PM
1 mom liked this
He's not the one. Convincing yourself otherwise is a mistake. At your age, you need someone mature, not a fixer upper.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
shoot4thestars
by on Mar. 24, 2013 at 3:37 PM

Maybe try counseling before getting married.  Hopefully, that'll help.

MYLIFE27
by on Mar. 24, 2013 at 7:14 PM

YEP...RUN FAST....MIGHT REPEAT AGAIN WITH U

AM-BRAT
by Amber on Mar. 24, 2013 at 8:07 PM



Quoting SnapIt:

I say take that break
He seems like hes just settling with what makes him comfortable
Almost like he thinks thats what he should do.
Have any of these women forced him to get married?
I can see that if he were younger.
Maybe hes been raised to think that the right thing to do is to marry the woman hes with or it looks bad.

Youre doing the right thing and i would ask more questions about his feelings and goals for the both of you as far as relationship goes.



boshs1andonly
by on Mar. 24, 2013 at 8:31 PM

you're being awfully defensive for someone who asked for advice. they have a good point. honestly, i never would have gotten engaged to someone who kept "shutting me down" when I asked about relationships. i mean you don't need to know all the dirty details, but if I were to date someone who were divorced three times (it doesn't really apply to me, but if it did) he better be ready to show me that he can be in a committed relationship since he's already had three failed marriages. you were already engaged, why would you agree to take it to the next level with someone who obviously doesn't know what that means? did you talk about it at all or just decide to get married only to figure out that you don't really know each other? if you really want advice I say, slow it way down. 

Quoting scorpiobabes:

I came here for advice, not to be criticized like this. Not one of any of you know me, my circumstances, or even tried one iota to offer advice. It's no wonder that I don't get along with women when they act like this!!! Thanks for nothing.


Marimaru
by on Mar. 24, 2013 at 9:03 PM

If you want to try to build a committed relationship, seek some couples counseling together.

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