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Edit/Add: Not "ALLOWED" to get much sleep because of SD. Son & Step Daughter on 2 diff sleep scheduals... Suggestions?

Posted by on Mar. 24, 2013 at 3:03 AM
  • 43 Replies

 

Poll

Question: Should my Step Daughter, Age 9, Be capeable of taking care of herself with morning rutine without me needing to watch her like a hawk?

Options:

Yes.

No, Absolutely not.


Only group members can vote in this poll.

Total Votes: 35

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EDIT/ADD: Sorry, I have been having problems with CafeMom and when I go to post it does not give me the whole upper bar to change font/color/size ect. Also I did have this all in paragraphs. When it submitted it, in the end it pushed it all together. So, I am sorry for it doing that and have changed it so hopefully you can read it better now. Its happened before, but so far now it looks like it should be ok. Thanks for being patient with me.

(((((I just want to say that i'd normally put this in the "STEP MOM" group. But because I am always bashed on and always told I should just shut my mouth and not say or do anything that its my DH's problem. I did not want to post it there. I dont want to keep hearing that theres nothing I can do, DH has to. But when DH is NOT HERE what do I do then? Just let her run my house? I hope I made the right choice in posting in this group and not get the run around with no help or answers. Thank you)))))

I have a 1 1/2 year old son. I also have a 9 year old step daughter. My sons sleep schedual was normal. But out of the blue he's not been sleeping at night and wants to sleep durring the day. Because of this my sleep schedual has changed to fit his needs of changing/feeding/playing/ect.

I have my son 24/7. My step daughter on the other hand is only here on the weekends. So if my son keeps me up all night and I finally crawl into bed around 2-4am depending on when he finally goes down. ((He's a screamer so I can't leave him alone to scream all night while my husband has to sleep and works 5am-1pm))

Anyways, My step daughter is in school and she is up usually around 7-8am (Sometimes sooner). The rules are she can watch tv, play her NDS, eat a pop tart or cereal for breakfast, and water/juice to drink. No getting into anything that does not belong to her, No screaming/yelling throughout the house. Generally behave herself until myself and my son get up. Which is usually around 10am. I have tried to get my son on a different sleep schedual, nothings been working! *Sigh*

Problem: SD keeps misbehaving. Bangs on the walls, screams, yells, crys. Gets into things that she shouldn't ((Not dangerious mind you, just offlimit foods or electronics for example that DO NOT BELONG TO HER and she has a track record of breaking things. Only my stuff mind you. Like a camera a few years ago and recently my expencive MP3 player. She said it was an accident, but only happened right after I took hers away as punishment for disobaying me.))

SD tells me that I "HAVE" to be up with her, to watch her, to take care of her, ect. BM told SD that if I dont start doing the things that they say "BM & SD" mind you, that BM would take DH to court and get full custody. BM told SD to say that to me. So every little thing like SD got into trouble on her computer here. I took it away. SD went home crying and this weekend SD has been nothing but trouble for me. BM even went as far as to tell my DH that if I changed how I am and not punish or disiplin SD that she'd give him more custody. But then tells my SD that if she doesn't like it here she will take my DH back into court and the court will give BM full custody!

There is nothing wrong with how I treat SD nor our home being in bad condition that is life threatning for her. So the courts are not going to give BM full custody on the grounds that I took SD's computer away as punishment! ((I had to laugh))

Annnnnyways... Back to the problem at hand. My SD and DH sleep durring the night while I and my son sleep in the morning. How do I get around the whole "SD needs supervision 24hrs a day while she's here"? BM keeps treating SD like a little adult and SD wants to do adult stuff. But when it comes to being alone even for half an hour she has a coniption fit crying, screaming, the works!

My question is this: Shouldn't my 9 year old Step Daughter be old enough to, if she gets up in the morning before me to care for herself? Maybe 1-2 hours while I sleep. Sometimes its not even that long but even half an hour is to long and she starts her crap... Emergencys she knows to come wake me for sure, but there never is anything thats an emergency... she does it because shes scared to be alone, why I dont know.

At BMs house there is like 5 adults and her younger 3y/o brother, who are always around when she's there. Most of the day it is just me and my son with her. 

BMs house is at fault for not instilling good behavior like we do nor teaching her how to be independant. DH and I try, but its all undon after she goes home and is with BM all week. I need some advice on this matter so, no lectures please.

I feel SD should be mature enough to get her own breakfast and watch tv or play for 1-2 hours while I get a little bit more sleep. If my son would sleep normal I would have no problems getting back on track and up in the morning with SD, maybe even before she gets up. If I could get my son to go to bed when SD does and get up when she does that would be perfect. But as of late, its gotten out of wack and trying to get him back on it is just not working. What he does, if I put him down for a nap lets say around noon and get him back up. He will go down around 8pm... all find and dandy. But out of the blue he would start to wake up at 11pm-12am and would not go back down until 3-4am. Then would sleep until 10am. I tried to stop the whole nap durring the day. But all he'd do is get cranky because he was so tired and needed a nap i'd have to put him down for one. So if I try to keep him up he screams/crys the whole time if I try to put him to bed at a normal time and he's not tired yet he screams and crys. I am a new mom myself and my SD didn't have sleeping issues until well... the last couple years.

So, I just feel that my 9 SD should be old enough to do the basic care herself that unlike my son at his age can not.

Also would like to add as well. That even if I send SD to her room for a time out or a "Think about what you did" in the quiet of her room. She dont get the point and she keeps comming out to talk to me about this and that... I send her back in there... and then a minute or 2 later she comes back out again to talk about something else. She has a serious issue with "ANY" time alone she does not like.

Then i'll add too that SD does not act this way when her dad is home if he gets a day off durring the weekend or when he comes home from work. She only acts this way with me and on purpose. If her dad is home and we are sleeping when she gets up, she will behave, get her own breakfast, drink, turn the tv on, watch a movie, play with her toys, ect... She does not "EVER" act badly when he is home! If she is up 1 hour before her dad wakes up she would have ate ect and be watching tv or coloring when he gets up and comes out of the bedroom.

So, now you tell me.... Is SD a child who is incapable of doing good things because i'm sleeping. Or is the problem that her BM has made SD hate me so, that she only is bad when its just her and I... but yet she is a perfect angel when her dad is home.........

by on Mar. 24, 2013 at 3:03 AM
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Replies (1-10):
zenoria
by New Member on Mar. 24, 2013 at 3:15 AM
Where does your DH stand on all of this? Our 10 yo could do all of that but if he knew 100% that we would not be watching, for sure he'd be into stuff too. Can you make it so the room/rooms she's in are 9 yo "proofed" (nothing she can't reasonably be in)? I do know not every house has a layout that makes that possible. The thing is, "should" or not, she's been up to stuff, so you need to treat her as she's shown you she's capable of until she shows you differently. Alternately, can DH stay up with the baby an hour or so you shift your bedtime by an hour too, so you're in bed and up an hour earlier as well? Also, she IS capable (presumably) at her age if understanding that the rules are different in different places and of following them accordingly.
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frndlyfn
by Platinum Member on Mar. 24, 2013 at 3:18 AM

First please go back and break up your post so others can read it more easily.  

If she is only there on the weekends, it should not be affecting the toddler so much. At this age yes, she should be able to handle getting herself ready for the coming day and fixing herself a basic breakfast.

 Any idea whether it could be jealousy over the new baby even though he has been around for nearly 2 years?   I know some siblings that could get jealous as the new sibling gains more milestones and will act in negative ways to gain that attention for themselves.

RealMommas
by on Mar. 24, 2013 at 3:21 AM
2 moms liked this

well that is a lot to deal with, but it can be solve! I am a mother of 9, Yes i gave birth to 9 Babies. I have 5 Boys & 4 girls. I have Been through this several times over. i have Been Maried more than Once & have delt with The Step kids & baby Mommas as well. What u have to do is get The dad on the same Page as u and The Both of u explain to the baby Momma how things work at Your Home. Type her Up a Schedule as to Bed time, wake up time Meal & snack time and Let her Know That at your Home These r the rules for eveyone no exception. then You Do your Best to keep your son up all day, after dinner, meal and a bed time story its time to sleep. let the step daughter know that weekends she can only stay up an extra hour or 2. no more. and Stick to that. U anmd the dad let the BM Know that she will be put on punishment if she fails to listen or cause a tantrum and if she has a problem with that then she should come at bedtime and put her own daughter to bed. as long as u have dad by your side. this should not be a problem. do not let your so take naps until u can get his sleep schedule down. I host Parenting Classes and u can also Check out my videos on you tube. Please Subscribe: http://www.youtube.com/user/RealMommas?feature=mhee If u need More advice u can email Momma Diva at realmommas@yahoo.com I hope this helps.

brittany208
by on Mar. 24, 2013 at 4:11 PM

i couldnt read that. i tried but didnt get very far. paragraphs please!!

LuvingMy3Girls
by Member on Mar. 24, 2013 at 4:25 PM
That was hard to read. But from what I got out of it this is my opinion

Yes she should be able to entertain herself for a bit

I think 3 hours is too long. How boring. Where is here dad. I'm sure it's a bummer to come on the weekends and spend roughly 6 hours alone. Why can't dh get up with your other child.

I think you have a huge issue with the birth mom

All in all I think you are not totally wrong but maybe being unfair to SD. Maybe get up by 9am.
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MysticIceWater
by Member on Mar. 24, 2013 at 4:26 PM
1 mom liked this

My 6 yr old SD is perfectly capable of taking care of herself if she gets up before me. She gets up, turns on the TV grabs a poptart and sits down and waits for me to get up normally a half an hour after she does. Your 9 yr old SD should be able to as well. Also DH needs to tell BM to knock off the crap! He needs to tell her to shut and let you do your job as the SAHM. 

sabrtooth1
by on Mar. 24, 2013 at 4:28 PM
3 moms liked this

I read 3 sentances. 

1) There is NO reason you and you 1.5 yo should be up all night.  That is ridiculous.  and it's terrible for the choild.  Make a routine and stick to it.  yes, he might yell, but YOU are the parent.  Right now, HE is ruling the roost.  You need to take back control.

2) I would NEVER let a 9 year old run around the house unsupervised.  I would NEVER lay in bed while my child was up, making HERSELF breakfast, and doing who knows what.  Hell, I NEVER laid in bed and left my TEENAGERS unsupervised. 

You are the parent.  You need to take care of BOTH your children.  All you are doing is making excuses.

So_Devious20
by Member on Mar. 24, 2013 at 4:33 PM
1 mom liked this
Instead of telling her what she shouldn't do, how about giving her ways to fix the problems at hand?


Quoting sabrtooth1:

I read 3 sentances. 

1) There is NO reason you and you 1.5 yo should be up all night.  That is ridiculous.  and it's terrible for the choild.  Make a routine and stick to it.  yes, he might yell, but YOU are the parent.  Right now, HE is ruling the roost.  You need to take back control.

2) I would NEVER let a 9 year old run around the house unsupervised.  I would NEVER lay in bed while my child was up, making HERSELF breakfast, and doing who knows what.  Hell, I NEVER laid in bed and left my TEENAGERS unsupervised. 

You are the parent.  You need to take care of BOTH your children.  All you are doing is making excuses.


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So_Devious20
by Member on Mar. 24, 2013 at 4:36 PM
Op, have you tried getting your son back to a normal schedule?? I think that it is perfectly acceptable for a NINE year old to be in her room playing\watching tv while you sleep for an hour or two. She is NINE. Perfectly capable. But if you can get your son back to a somewhat normal schedule, you could also shut bm's mouth.
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Firenygirl180
by Member on Mar. 24, 2013 at 4:44 PM
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As much as it sucks you need to try getting up early and getting your son up early.  And limit his daytime sleeping.  My ds, same age, was staying upuntil midnight most nights and eventually we started getting him up around 9 and now he sleeps from roughly 9pm-am with no nap.

Also your sd should not be up by herself for up to 3 hours in the mornings.  Yes, you are home, but she does need some supervision.  At 10 I was responsible for getting myself up, eating breakfast and going to school on time and there was no one home to make me do anything.  So while i do think she is old enough to handle getting herself some breakfast and watching TV in the morning I wouldn't leave her alone for more than an hour.  

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