Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Advice for Moms Advice for Moms

do you think its ok? (edited) +1

Posted by on Mar. 24, 2013 at 7:06 PM
  • 144 Replies
1 mom liked this

So I left for an hour to clean my car and run a few errands.. my daughter stayed home with daddy.. i get home my daughter comes running out telling me "daddy grounded me for a week".. now mind you my daughter is 6 years old.. im like hu? why did daddy ground you for a week? she says i wasnt listening.. so i go in and talk to my husband.. he goes on to tell me exactly what our daughter did... nothing over the top and very typical for her behaviors.. nothing I dont deal with on a daily basis all day long.. the part he said that pissed him off was that she tried pushing him out of her room.. now come on, her room is her safe place.. the place she can go to calm down.. why is he following here there?!!! so thats when he tells her hes grounded for a week. we got into a dispute over this (not in front of her of course, i would never argue with him over a punishment in front of her)... I dont feel its an appropriate punishment for a six year old who also has developmental and emotional delays... (specifically asd and anxiety)... I figure grounded for the evening would suit it better.. he rolls his eyes at me and huffs and puffs.. so i told him he is not the one that has to deal with all of this, and I will not leave her home with him if he cannot handle her for even an hour without going over the top!

 

So my DH and I had a talk.. I explained to him my reasoning why grounding her for a whole week seemed a bit steep... he explained why he felt it wasnt... I told him that I will not enforce a whole week... She was grounded for the rest of the night to her room (since that is the punishment he came up with in the first place the grounded to her room) and sent to bed early... tomorrow is a fresh new day and hopefully she will have learned her lesson... I am also going to make it a point he NEEDS to come to her therapy sessions because we need to be on the same page.. thank you ladies for your input.

 

LAST EDIT: I am not one to delete posts, so I am going to say it here.. thank all ladies who gave constructive input (you know who you are, the ones that didnt try and rip me apart for being upset)..... everything is good now.. we talked extensivly about getting on the same page, and discussed proper punishements that we both agree on, and have agreed to have a family appointment with her therapist so we can all maintain a same page stance! :) so all in all, the mountain came, we climbed it, and now are over it! :)

by on Mar. 24, 2013 at 7:06 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
MYLIFE27
by on Mar. 24, 2013 at 7:11 PM
3 moms liked this

HE'S THE DAD, HE CAN PUNISH ALSO ( MY OPINION) 

PinkParadox
by on Mar. 24, 2013 at 7:11 PM
6 moms liked this

I don't know.  My kids are 5 & 7.  There is no room in my house that I'm not allowed in. I certainly do not get physically pushed by my children.  Ever.  That is not acceptable in this house.  Period.

jackiewal10
by Gold Member on Mar. 24, 2013 at 7:17 PM
3 moms liked this

Why SHOULDN'T he follow her to her room??  Yes, it is her room, but it's in HIS house and if she was going there to get away from him talking to her, that isn't ok.  Just because *you* "deal with it" doesn't mean that it's ok.  Maybe they way you handle it isn't working.  And probably doesn't work the same for your DH.  He's her father.  He can hand out punishments the same as you and since you weren't there to see exactly what happened, I think you should go along with what his punishment is.  And you contradicting him in front of your DD (if you did that) is only undermining him in her eyes.

icn_mom
by on Mar. 24, 2013 at 7:17 PM

 

oh no i dont have an issue with him punishing, but to ground a 6 year old for a week seems rather steep espcially considering her reason and understanding (not at typical age because of the asd).. so basically it would be like grounding a four year old to their room for a week (not allowed out unless they need to use the bathroom)...

Quoting MYLIFE27:

HE'S THE DAD, HE CAN PUNISH ALSO ( MY OPINION) 


 

icn_mom
by on Mar. 24, 2013 at 7:22 PM

 

i would NEVER contradict him in front of our daughter... EVER... we discuss these things in private.. also, he should take into account her way of coping.. her going to her room is what her doctors taught me to do with her when she feels she is losing control over herself.. and thats what ive been doing for years.. why shouldnt she be allowed a safe place to control her thought/emotions? My problem is the punishment of isolation for a week for a child that needs constant attention, a child that has severe anxiety... To be allowed out ONLY to use the bathroom (not even at meal times etc)... a night of groundation to me is sufficient.. and yes, I deal with behaviors daily, her telling me now, her having extreme meltdowns, her unable to control herself at times because of her impulsive actions (which are being worked on by a nuerologist, behavioralist AND therapist)... I left him with her for an HOUR, and he is losing his shit on her dragging her to her room because she came out to talk to me when i got home.. sorry, but i cannot and will not isolate, physically drag, and verbally demean my daughter...

Quoting jackiewal10:

Why SHOULDN'T he follow her to her room??  Yes, it is her room, but it's in HIS house and if she was going there to get away from him talking to her, that isn't ok.  Just because *you* "deal with it" doesn't mean that it's ok.  Maybe they way you handle it isn't working.  And probably doesn't work the same for your DH.  He's her father.  He can hand out punishments the same as you and since you weren't there to see exactly what happened, I think you should go along with what his punishment is.  And you contradicting him in front of your DD (if you did that) is only undermining him in her eyes.


 

icn_mom
by on Mar. 24, 2013 at 7:24 PM
1 mom liked this

 

all of her doctors are in agreement that her room is her safe place.. the place she can go to collect her thoughts/feelings.. so that is what I do.. I wont follow her in there because I know whats going to happen if i do.. she will get violent, she will melt down, and she will not be in composure... so i give her time to calm down and process her feelings and the proper reaction to situations.. by following her in there, he was raising her anxiety, and she cant process right now a better way to react... do I think its ok she put her hands on him? HELL NO, but would she have if he let her be in her safe place? no...

Quoting PinkParadox:

I don't know.  My kids are 5 & 7.  There is no room in my house that I'm not allowed in. I certainly do not get physically pushed by my children.  Ever.  That is not acceptable in this house.  Period.


 

PinkParadox
by on Mar. 24, 2013 at 7:26 PM

Then he needs to be involved more in the overall plan.  

Quoting icn_mom:


all of her doctors are in agreement that her room is her safe place.. the place she can go to collect her thoughts/feelings.. so that is what I do.. I wont follow her in there because I know whats going to happen if i do.. she will get violent, she will melt down, and she will not be in composure... so i give her time to calm down and process her feelings and the proper reaction to situations.. by following her in there, he was raising her anxiety, and she cant process right now a better way to react... do I think its ok she put her hands on him? HELL NO, but would she have if he let her be in her safe place? no...

Quoting PinkParadox:

I don't know.  My kids are 5 & 7.  There is no room in my house that I'm not allowed in. I certainly do not get physically pushed by my children.  Ever.  That is not acceptable in this house.  Period.




icn_mom
by on Mar. 24, 2013 at 7:29 PM

 

how much more can i involve him? i give him all the reports to the doctors, try to get him to GO to the doctors etc... I tell him the game plan... but his temper gets the best of him... so im not sure what to do when he just doesnt seem to get it...

Quoting PinkParadox:

Then he needs to be involved more in the overall plan.  

Quoting icn_mom:

 

all of her doctors are in agreement that her room is her safe place.. the place she can go to collect her thoughts/feelings.. so that is what I do.. I wont follow her in there because I know whats going to happen if i do.. she will get violent, she will melt down, and she will not be in composure... so i give her time to calm down and process her feelings and the proper reaction to situations.. by following her in there, he was raising her anxiety, and she cant process right now a better way to react... do I think its ok she put her hands on him? HELL NO, but would she have if he let her be in her safe place? no...

Quoting PinkParadox:

I don't know.  My kids are 5 & 7.  There is no room in my house that I'm not allowed in. I certainly do not get physically pushed by my children.  Ever.  That is not acceptable in this house.  Period.

 

 



 

GOBryan
by on Mar. 24, 2013 at 7:43 PM
1 mom liked this

He can punish her how he sees fit since he's the father. One doesn't take presidence over the other. Now, since he gave her that punishment, you took can discuss her earning some priveledges back over the week and then explain it to your daughter. The fact that she has behavioral or developmental issues is irrelevant. She needs to understand that there's not rules for different kids. 

As far as you threatening with not leaving her alone is biting your nose to spite your face because most men don't want the responsibility in the first place and again, you don't own your daughter anymore than he does. It's equal ownership. 

MJP76
by on Mar. 24, 2013 at 7:45 PM

I actually agree with your husband. Her resorting to physical "violence" is not ok. Her room, is in his house. There are no rooms in my home that are off limits to me. Kids don't pay the bills, the adults do.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)