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My 9 yr old won't stop talking back - Please help!

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New here. I am a very proud single mom to a wonderful 9 year old boy. He is a GREAT kid! Lot's of fun and personality. He's healthy, he does very well in school, and he is generally happy and almost always well behaved. Typical kid that LOVES sports and his friends. I am very blessed and grateful. He's an only child and we are very close. 

My only real problem with him is his mouth. He talks back constantly. He doesn't scream or have tantrums, and he doesn't usually say things that are disrespectful. However, I think it's disrespectful that he argues and whines when I ask him to do things. He ALWAYS has something to say and it drives me crazy!!  I rarely can ask him to do anything without it turning into a 5 or 10 minute conversation. I've tried everything I could think of. I have taken allowance away until further notice. I try not to yell, but usually end up yelling for him to be quiet. I take away TV sometimes.  But these are only short term solutions. I have told him to stop talking back a MILLION times, but even if he stops for a day or two, he goes right back to arguing. 

Should I just walk away and let him have the last word and ignore it like some 'experts' suggest? I am just afraid that if I do that, I am sending a message that it's okay to argue and talk back because Mommy will just back down. Any advice would be very appreciated. I will not smack him or hit him, so that isn't an option for me. Thanks!

by on Mar. 27, 2013 at 12:17 AM
Replies (11-20):
by Gold Member on Mar. 27, 2013 at 8:38 AM

My parents tried everything too. I was smart-alecky, sassy, name it. At about 9 or 10 my dad finally got fed up with it and popped me across the mouth! Not hard or enough to cause any damage but enough so I got the message. The back talk lessened considerably!! Even though you said you wouldn't sometimes you have to do what you swore you never would do. Sometimes it is the ONLY thing that will work.


by on Mar. 27, 2013 at 8:50 AM

I think the child is testing the waters to see how far he can get before you blow your top. You have a lot of good ideas from the other posts. I like the Jumping jack till he behaves or Sending him directly to his room till he can talking like a  gentlemen. Which may not happen till he 30 years old. LOL  Don't yell and be calm. Also remember Our Children Learn from us so be careful what you say to them or do to them.

by Bronze Member on Mar. 27, 2013 at 8:53 AM

it is the age I 10 year old is like that and I am sure it isnt gonna get better. It is frustrating when my oldest does that, I start out by saying please stop talking back to me and she will continue and I say it again a few more times until I tell her to stop talking reminds me of my sister and hoe frustraing my mom use to get with her...=) I will sometimes tell her to stop acting like her aunt....=)

by on Mar. 27, 2013 at 8:54 AM

 He is testing his boundaries w/you.  Don't give him an inch!  He needs to know who is in charge.  I wouldn't consider it "winning and argument," though.  You can tell him that you won't allow him to talk to you like that ex: that tone of voice, with that language, etc...) and that you are ending the conversation and that it can resume when he can speak appropriately to you.

by on Mar. 27, 2013 at 9:01 AM

I have two daughters aged 16 and 20 and I've been there.  The experts are right, ignore it!  The message you are sending is "I am not arguing with you" and believe me, they stop when they eventually realise that you aren't going to engage them because you've just taken all the fun out of it.

by Member on Mar. 27, 2013 at 11:02 AM

When my two - 10 & 13 talk back they get work to do. Clean the toilet, the more they keep talking back and not listening the more work they do. When we first started this they spent the entire day cleaning the house - mopping floors , dishes etc. They basically wanted to see how long until we would give in. We didn't. Not a bad attituted or talking back is usually relsolved with 1 toilet cleaning lol

by Member on Mar. 27, 2013 at 11:07 AM
1 mom liked this


Quoting Pukalani79:

 Every time my kids talk back, it's automatic jumpin jacks, or sit ups or.. you get the idea. It's actually been very effective.

 This iswhat I do. I make mine do push-ups. (She needed to gain arm strenght anyway)

by on Mar. 27, 2013 at 12:04 PM

Dont ignore the behavior, over time it could get worse.  My children, when they talk back get disciplined, nothing major, sometimes they have to clean rocks off the sidewalk, or pick up a 32 piece puzzle over and over again.

by on Mar. 27, 2013 at 12:37 PM

My dd is nine and is the same way.I simply start taking away things that she likes and I make sure that her behavior is not rewarded in anyway.There are someays I simply ignore her.This seems to be a phase that she is going through,but I dont allow her to belittle me and think she is in control,because she is not.Also something that is working is consistency,meaning if I tell her I am going to give her a punishment or chores for back talking I do it.She is getting better,but until the behavior stops,I wont back down or give in to her in anyway.

by Bronze Member on Mar. 27, 2013 at 12:44 PM

I sorry. we are having the same exact issue with our 10 year old son. he constantly talks back, argues with us. he always has something to say. we have no idea what to do either. we have tried everything and it doesn't work. I seriously think he learns this crap from school. he sees the other kids doing it and thinks its cool or something. but either way its been going on for a good year here. I think its also a phase kids go thru too. they are testing their limits and seeing what they can get away with. I think all you can do is just stand your ground and not back down. don't ever let them have the last word. even if it means arguing back and forth for 20 mins. we ask our son to do something and he starts mouthing off, then we stay right on him till he stops. he getting better but he still has an attitude sometimes. just hang in there. just stay right on him and hopefully it just a phase that they will outgrow soon.

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