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Opinions on Custody Change-PIOG

Posted by on Mar. 27, 2013 at 9:58 AM
  • 13 Replies
I share custody of my older two children (Addyson, 5 in Kindergarten and Karder 4 in Preschool) with their dad. I get them 8 days in a row and he gets them 6 days in a row. He lives literally 3 blocks up the road (same road) so the kids are able to have almost the same routine no matter which parent they are with. Well, we just had parent teachers conferences this past week and I honestly think that this agreement might be hurting their school. Plus, my kids are ALWAYS getting sick at their dads (Karder was in his dads custody when he landed in the hospitalthis past weekend with strep that caused erythema nodosum) and I think it is because of the fact that they have at least 3 dogs, 1 cat, Birds, and I think some other "rodent" like thing. My son Karder has a few breathing issues. My kids have told me that the animals go to the bathroom in the house, but their dad/step mom cleans it up and they ALWAYS stink when they come back from his house. So I brought it up to my ex that maybe we should change custody because their school work is suffering (I didn't bring up the sickness fact, because I am trying to get him to agree without a court battle) and I even brought up the idea that I would drop his child support as long as he still provided insurance and half of medical and school expenses. Well, DH isn't happy about me saying I might agree to dropping child support (he currently pays me $200 a month) and I understand why, but I think the only way my ex will agree to changing custody to me having primary custody and him getting visitation on wednesday nights and every other weekend/holiday is if he doesn't have to pay child support. My DH and I are not loaded, we are probably considered "poor" but we do not receive PA (their dad does though) and we are working hard at becoming debt free (besides are house payment, we only have two other bills to pay off). I also currently only work when we don't have the older two because otherwise it wouldn't pay for me to work if three kids (or even just 2 when Addyson is in school) are in daycare, so I don' know how we would work that out yet either. What would you guys do?

*Wife to Joel since 10-2-10*
*Mother of Addyson, Karder & Everett *
*Angel Babies 1/19/11 & 4/23/11*

by on Mar. 27, 2013 at 9:58 AM
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Replies (1-10):
GOBryan
by on Mar. 27, 2013 at 10:06 AM
1 mom liked this

Sit down with him and discuss it. Laying out on the table and see if they can either improve the conditions to keep the custody as it is or change custody plans. I think you are being fair and trying to work with him for the sake of the kids. Kudos to you for that. 


addykarder19
by Member on Mar. 27, 2013 at 3:21 PM
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lnr187
by on Mar. 27, 2013 at 3:42 PM

 i understand dh being upset that you will lose money and spend more (having them more). but you have to do what is best for your kids. if your ex is willing to change the schedule, then i would do whatever it takes.

addykarder19
by Member on Mar. 27, 2013 at 6:18 PM
That's my view!

Quoting lnr187:

 i understand dh being upset that you will lose money and spend more (having them more). but you have to do what is best for your kids. if your ex is willing to change the schedule, then i would do whatever it takes.

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stargazerwolf
by Bronze Member on Mar. 27, 2013 at 6:42 PM

Is the child support set up through the court originally? If so you can't just change it (guessing its not), if not then definatly sit down and have a discussion with your DH on why this is so important and how it will benefit the kids and such and then have a discussion with the kids' dad to further discuss it. I honestly would want to change up visitation if they have a filthy house. Is the visitation set up through court because that matters too.

addykarder19
by Member on Mar. 27, 2013 at 7:59 PM
We agreed to the custody agreement together originally and but the court assigned the child support because i never asked for it.

Quoting stargazerwolf:

Is the child support set up through the court originally? If so you can't just change it (guessing its not), if not then definatly sit down and have a discussion with your DH on why this is so important and how it will benefit the kids and such and then have a discussion with the kids' dad to further discuss it. I honestly would want to change up visitation if they have a filthy house. Is the visitation set up through court because that matters too.

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Lindalou907
by Silver Member on Mar. 27, 2013 at 8:10 PM

I think it's VERY important to maintain a good working relationship with your ex, so I would respectfully ask for a meeting where you two can talk about the issues and see if it can be worked out without him losing time with the kids. Be diplomatic, use "I" statements, "I am concerned about the kids school" "I am concerned that Karder is allergic to the animals" "What can we do about this problem?" Maybe you can watch his animals while the kids are with him?

stargazerwolf
by Bronze Member on Mar. 27, 2013 at 8:11 PM

Ok, if the court assigned the child support you have to go through court to end it and they don't like stopping child support no matter what you want. However, if he is on public assistance then maybe they would consider it. If you don't go back through court to change it then he will be considered owing back child support and get into trouble. It is possible if you want to do custody different you could just agree on it and it be fine, but if it is written into a parenting plan or whatever then he could go back on his word of your new agreement and try to get you in trouble (if for whatevr reason he wanted to).

addykarder19
by Member on Mar. 27, 2013 at 8:41 PM
Watching his animals is out.. Because I'm allergic to cats and they are not potty trained.. I don't want him to lose time but my son Karder really needs rules and consistency. But I'm trying to be civil with him so it doesn't get ugly

Quoting Lindalou907:

I think it's VERY important to maintain a good working relationship with your ex, so I would respectfully ask for a meeting where you two can talk about the issues and see if it can be worked out without him losing time with the kids. Be diplomatic, use "I" statements, "I am concerned about the kids school" "I am concerned that Karder is allergic to the animals" "What can we do about this problem?" Maybe you can watch his animals while the kids are with him?

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Lindalou907
by Silver Member on Mar. 27, 2013 at 9:51 PM

Maybe you can ask him to go to a parenting class with you, ( I'm not saying you need it, just saying maybe he'd be willing if you approached it as a family problem) If you think he really wont change at all, then yes, I would give up the $200 and try to keep the kids mostly with you. You just don't want the kids to resent you for it later.



Quoting addykarder19:

Watching his animals is out.. Because I'm allergic to cats and they are not potty trained.. I don't want him to lose time but my son Karder really needs rules and consistency. But I'm trying to be civil with him so it doesn't get ugly

Quoting Lindalou907:

I think it's VERY important to maintain a good working relationship with your ex, so I would respectfully ask for a meeting where you two can talk about the issues and see if it can be worked out without him losing time with the kids. Be diplomatic, use "I" statements, "I am concerned about the kids school" "I am concerned that Karder is allergic to the animals" "What can we do about this problem?" Maybe you can watch his animals while the kids are with him?



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