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I need advice on what to do ...Im so stressed out

Posted by on Mar. 28, 2013 at 10:37 AM
  • 9 Replies

I feel like the most shallow woman on earth . I was online and I saw this guy picture and he looked so adorably cute in his photos..We started talking and got really close. He's like the most perfect guy for me personality wise.. very funny, sweet, sensitive ,caring ...I could go on and on . So we decided to meet eachother and I met him...he was the guy in the photos but NOT nearly as cute . He takes cute pictures but in person he's quite odd looking. I was very disappointed in his looks but his personality keeps outshining what he looks like . 

I still see him ...I invite him over to my place all the time but im afraid to go out in public with him. I think we'd be the ugly odd looking couple and that freaks me out because I always care what everyone else thinks. It's an ongoing problem with me that im in therapy for . I dont have an opinion about myself...I base how i feel about myself by how others perceive me so the fact that this guy is wierd looking freaks me out.

I tried to consider just breaking things off with him...but i cant. I just cannot let him go. He knows everything about me and never judges me. He treats me better than any guy has ever treated me . I strongly believed I would NEVER meet a guy I could allow around my kids because i think all men are secretly predators and i could never trust them. I dont get that vibe at all from this guy...not even a little bit. He knows my kids are autistic and he accepts them. He met them for the first time two days ago ..I told my kids he's mommy's friend. They LOVE him...and he loves them . My son is head over heels for him. He's so natural with them. When I saw how he interacted with my kids ...it just sucked me in even more . 

They always ask about him now.

He's like the perfect guy for me but I cant get over his looks. I cant just keep him hidden in my house whenever he comes over . Its not fair to him. He wants to take me and my kids to see the lion king on broadway this saturday but im worried about how we will look together in public. 

I dont know what to do...I only have 2 days to make a decision.




by on Mar. 28, 2013 at 10:37 AM
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Replies (1-9):
SupermarketMama
by on Mar. 28, 2013 at 10:39 AM

BTW im even more freaked out because yesterday he wrote me a love letter ...he said that he loves everything about me , i fertile his happiness, he looks at me and he sees forever etc. It freaked me out a little...I'd probaly feel the same way if I wasnt so shallow. 

the.real.me
by Member on Mar. 28, 2013 at 10:41 AM
You are NOT into him. Don't lead him on. PS maybe you should work on your stuff for a while before looking to date?
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Beenhereforever
by on Mar. 28, 2013 at 10:44 AM
Just write him and say its moving too fast and you want to just be friends.
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woodswalker
by Bronze Member on Mar. 28, 2013 at 10:48 AM

Yeah, you really do need therapy before you start dating.  Extreme therapy.   And this guy deserves someone whos not going to keep leading him on and will love him the way he is.   You do not love him the way he is.  You dont want to be seen in public with him . 

huntersmama711
by Bronze Member on Mar. 28, 2013 at 10:51 AM
1 mom liked this
When you love someone you love everything, the good, the bad and the ugly. Honestly you need to learn to love yourself before you can love others. Let him go be with someone who accepts all of him, and isn't ashamed of being seen with him. I'm so happy my df accepted me.
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Randi02
by Platinum Member on Mar. 28, 2013 at 11:14 AM

This.

Hate to say it, but you don't deserve someone like him right now - and he sure as hell deserves better than you can give him.

Quoting huntersmama711:

When you love someone you love everything, the good, the bad and the ugly. Honestly you need to learn to love yourself before you can love others. Let him go be with someone who accepts all of him, and isn't ashamed of being seen with him. I'm so happy my df accepted me.


bcauseimthemom
by Member on Mar. 28, 2013 at 11:19 AM
1 mom liked this

Funny how you like the fact that he doesn't judge you, yet here you are, all anal about how others will feel about the way he looks... do you see the irony??  What gives you the impression that you are some great beauty??  Maybe others will be loooking at the two of you thinking that you are the wierd looking one??  Get over yourself. If you are this shallow and hypocritical, it sounds like you let him go and let him find a woman that does appreciate him for everything he has to offer and not a shelf centered snot such as yourself...??

averysmommom
by on Mar. 29, 2013 at 7:06 AM

It'll be dark in there. And you're not a terrible person for feeling this way but if you keep dating him you need to get your stuff worked out. If you know that in long run you won't stay with him because of his looks then dnt lead him on. However...love is blind so if it does grow into love you will no longer care if ppl think he's fugly. You should snap a bad pic of him and post it on here. Since you care so much what ppl think maybe we can reassure you that he's not weird looking :)

SupermarketMama
by on Mar. 29, 2013 at 7:56 AM
I know I'm not that great looking myself which is why I said we'd be the odd looking ugly couple. I always date guys who are way better looking than me. I feel very comfortable doing that. I've never been seen with anyone unattractive. I've decided to keep seeing him and just try to get over his looks. I'm hoping that with time ill no longer care what he looks like and ill just be into him. I never said I loved him....were just starting out . In fact...I DID date a guy WAY uglier than him...he was my first bf and he was way more weird looking and I didn't care what ppl think because I was so head over heels in love with him ...so I'm hoping ill feel that way about this guy nsoon ...speaking to him last night he made it very clear that he thinks I'm perfect and he's falling in love with me. What made me decide to keep seeing him is the fact that my kids love him . They really need a father figure ...he's willing to be that for them and he doesn't want kids anytime soon. No babymama drama....I just need to get over his looks.
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