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I am the bad guy again...

Posted by on Mar. 28, 2013 at 4:00 PM
  • 7 Replies

So I have 3 kids 7yrs, 2yrs, and 2 weeks old. The evenings my husband is home are great especially with a newborn baby. 

My husband's best friend the other night around 9pm texts my husband saying "I am almost at your house, lets go." He didn't make plans with my husband before that or anything that is all he said. My husband was taking care of our toddler while I was tending to the baby at the time. My husband got all excited and wanted to go with him. I was upset. We have a new born baby, I have been looking forward to a hot shower, I was thinking about if the baby would be going to sleep soon and how soon I could get our 2yr old to bed after that. My husband was upset b/c I didn't want him to go. I never said he couldn't go but he knew I didn't want him to go. 

He stayed, only b/c his friend just left b/c my husband text him that I was getting "pissed'. I knew that if he stayed it would be a "well, are you happy? I stayed home." kind of thing and sure enough it was. We ended up having a looooong night anyways. Our toddler was overly tired and the baby is a new born so she was up and down and she sometimes does this thng where she stays awake for about 3 hours nursing off and on. Who knows when I would have gotten our toddler to bed if my husband wasn't home.

Today I find out that he was going to take my husband to a concert. I am glad, even more now, that he didn't go. 

His friend has a 7 month old baby. He knows how it is in the begining. He said no to doing things with my husband several times when he had a newborn at home. I think it was highly inconciderate to just show up and expect my husband to drop everything and ditch me with the kids and take him out. I am very good about "he is the man and works" and "I am the woman and a sahm so I do the house work and tend to the kids" but we have a new born and evenings/nights are long/hard right now.

So again I am the bad guy, no wonder my husbands friends do not seem to like me... just needed to vent

by on Mar. 28, 2013 at 4:00 PM
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Replies (1-7):
frndlyfn
by Platinum Member on Mar. 28, 2013 at 4:12 PM

Guys forget about the newborn stage of babies and figures since this is the 3rd one, you are pros at juggling their schedules to make it so one person can leave the house.

Bleacheddecay
by Gold Member on Mar. 28, 2013 at 4:18 PM

Your husband's friends are inconsiderate and it sounds like your husband is too. Time for a long, calm, talk about what you both want and need to take care of yourselves, the house and your kids.

butterflycircle
by on Mar. 28, 2013 at 4:25 PM

My husband has been very helpful with the new baby and he has been doing a lot around the house (dishes and bathing the kids and some laundry too). He figured that would have made me happy so he could have gone. He says he hates that he feels like he has to ask my permission to go with his friends. 

I don't think it is him asking my "permission" but if I wanted to go out I would talk to him about if first, not just drop everything and go weather he liked it or not. I think it is just being nice. He was raised in a house where his dad just leaves if he wants to. His mom doesn't get a say. His mom doesn't like it but she puts up with it b/c she is a woman (they are "old fashioned" like that). I would think that my husband, knowing how his mom doesn't like it, would be glad he doesn't treat me like that. 

Idk I guess I might be to "controlling" in these situations maybe.


Quoting Bleacheddecay:

Your husband's friends are inconsiderate and it sounds like your husband is too. Time for a long, calm, talk about what you both want and need to take care of yourselves, the house and your kids.



mommyof20813
by Member on Mar. 28, 2013 at 4:26 PM

His friends can get over it! just because hes the one that works and you stay home with the kids doesnt give him and exuse to drop everything in a split decison and go out with friends. My husband and I both work and if we want to do something with friends then its something we seriously plan out so its fair for both of us. and trust me my hubbys friends dont like me either because no matter what if i dont want him to go out or he doesnt want to go out. im always his excuse to get out of everything .

Bleacheddecay
by Gold Member on Mar. 28, 2013 at 4:36 PM

You are not too controlling in my book. I expect my husband to tell me in advance what to expect if he is goin somewhere. I do the same for him. That's common respect and courtesy IMO.


Quoting butterflycircle:

My husband has been very helpful with the new baby and he has been doing a lot around the house (dishes and bathing the kids and some laundry too). He figured that would have made me happy so he could have gone. He says he hates that he feels like he has to ask my permission to go with his friends. 

I don't think it is him asking my "permission" but if I wanted to go out I would talk to him about if first, not just drop everything and go weather he liked it or not. I think it is just being nice. He was raised in a house where his dad just leaves if he wants to. His mom doesn't get a say. His mom doesn't like it but she puts up with it b/c she is a woman (they are "old fashioned" like that). I would think that my husband, knowing how his mom doesn't like it, would be glad he doesn't treat me like that. 

Idk I guess I might be to "controlling" in these situations maybe.


Quoting Bleacheddecay:

Your husband's friends are inconsiderate and it sounds like your husband is too. Time for a long, calm, talk about what you both want and need to take care of yourselves, the house and your kids.





rockinmomto2
by Silver Member on Mar. 28, 2013 at 4:45 PM

My husband would never have gone with a 2 week old. Ever. It never even would have crossed his mind. Even now, with a 7, 5, and 3 year old at home, he still asks if we have plans or if I mind if he goes out with his friends before he makes solid plans. Now, I should say that I don't give him the same courtesy and I simply make plans for a time when I know he'll be home, but that's a whole other issue (he never wants me to go anywhere, so I just make plans and he has to deal).

erinsmom1964
by Gold Member on Mar. 28, 2013 at 4:55 PM
The inly reason they think bad of you is because of yoir hubby. Your problem isnt with them its with your hubby
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