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Advice for Moms Advice for Moms

how does a mother do for one child but not the other

Posted by on Mar. 30, 2013 at 8:25 PM
  • 8 Replies


My husband and I are raising my Step Children one 9 one 7. The biological mother left the children with my husband when the youngest was just over a year old and would return ever couple months to visit. In the past year and a  half she has showed up a little more because the judge told her she had too. The Judge also told her to get counseling to help with her issues with the kids. She visits the kids every 1st 3rd 5th saturday for 7 hours,


Anyway to the point the 7 year old's birthday was in January and she didn't have a party for her until march and that was after she asked repeatedly   and the party consisted on buying cupcakes on the way to the park and receiving one gift from her uncle. The mother got her nothing nor did the other members of the family. The child has refused to go back since the party her feeling got really hurt because she was already insecure in her relationship with her mother. So the 9 year olds birthday was in march and the weekend after his birthday she had a huge party for him. She got him a new bike and all the family members got him gifts as well equalling about 6 gifts total. My husband talk to her after the youngest was so disappointed after her birthday and asked if she would please just treat them equal. After he returned today with all his great gifts and excitement of his party the little girl is crushed saying her mother doesn't love her.

What do y'all think? Do we continue to try to build her up and encourage her to go with her mother and work on the relationship or just give up on the relationship between them and reassure her of how special and loved she is by us? 

Also how the hell does a mother love one child and not the other?



by on Mar. 30, 2013 at 8:25 PM
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Replies (1-8):
NocturnesAngel
by Member on Mar. 30, 2013 at 8:36 PM
1 mom liked this

 My Opinion:

"Just give up on the relationship between them and reassure her of how special and loved she is by us"


"Also how the hell does a mother love one child and not the other?"

Although I find this sick and twisted, I've had people (Mothers & Fathers, but mostly Mothers) tell me that the reason they tend to favor one child over the other is because, they conceived or had that particular child when the Relationship was a "Happy Time" so when he/she sees that child "Pleasant Memories are Evoked."

But when he/she looks at the Non-Favorite Child, he/she remembers the "Troubled & Bad Times" and No Matter How Hard he/she tries to forget those memories , he/she can't when looking at the child even though everyone can agree that IT IS IN No Way The CHILD's Fault.


frndlyfn
by Platinum Member on Mar. 30, 2013 at 8:52 PM

I wasnt treated the best either but i think that is due to not living up to whatever standards mom had at the time.  I always get the lesser version of any gift we all asked for.  I moved on from it to cultivate relationships with other people who wanted to spend time with me and help guide me into adulthood.

belindah
by on Mar. 30, 2013 at 9:04 PM
Show both children the love you can. Start documenting everything bio mom does and doesn't do. Don't force the young lady to have relationship with the mother but let your attorney know what's going on why.
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MadamosielleM
by on Mar. 30, 2013 at 9:08 PM

I would just let her decide on her own if she wants to still have a relationship with her biological mother. I wouldn't even bring it up unless she wants to talk about it, but rather I would just reassure her how much you and her father love her.

Lindalou907
by Silver Member on Mar. 30, 2013 at 10:21 PM

Wow, that is really a huge difference in the birthday celebrations. Is it possible that bm didn't have any money when it was sd's birthday? And she's just really dumb? Or do you really get the feeling she loves ss more? I wouldn't push the relationship, it is what it is, she is lucky to have you love her, and she's just going to have to come to terms with the fact that her bm is just not too great. Some counseling might be good. Also her father might say something like "It's not your fault, I should have chosen a better person to be your mom"

Zazayam
by on Mar. 31, 2013 at 12:25 AM

I really really hate it when people (judges, other family, ANYONE) try to force someone into being a parent. If they don't want to do it then the kids are so much better off without them.

No, I wouldn't make the poor girl keep going through disappointment, maybe one day mom will decide to step up, until then just stay gone.

jesusgirl76
by on Mar. 31, 2013 at 3:06 PM
I agree. hugs to you all :)

Quoting MadamosielleM:

I would just let her decide on her own if she wants to still have a relationship with her biological mother. I wouldn't even bring it up unless she wants to talk about it, but rather I would just reassure her how much you and her father love her.

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Mom-3girls-1boy
by Member on Apr. 1, 2013 at 3:30 PM

BUMP!

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