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So much for our anniversary...We never fight, WTH?!! UPDATE

Posted by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 5:03 PM
  • 31 Replies

I will try to be as short as possible. My DH and I never fight. Never. Sometimes we argue about little things but we dont fight like some couples do. Well, this was our anniversary weekend and we made plans to go out-which is rare as well with two small kids. Saturday was also the Easter hunt in town. He yelled at me in front of everyone! Told me I was terrible to him and blah blah blah. We left the event, fought in the car the whole way home, then had a screaming match when we got to the house. We have never raised our voices at each other. He called me a f* b* and said I had no friends because I cant get past peoples flaws....He has right to be mad cos I call him an a$$hole all the time but he is. And he was being one at the event in front of our kids and the whole town and I just wanted him to behave so I asked him to stop and he flipped out. He is never like that. He says he knows he is an @$$ but I am mean about it now. Maybe I am. Now I am dealing with his tantrum and the fact that my loneliness is self inflicted and I am a b*. So much for our anniversary. IDK What to think of this, much less do about it. We didnt talk much yesterday. He has apologized for taking it out on me in public though...


UPDATE: So we have both apologized for a lot of things. I have not called him an asshole and I keep telling him positive things. Its a start...We havent really talked about it though. We have said a few things here and there about it, but just to get things off our chest but nothing in detail. I think at this point we both know where we stand and are just trying to get over it. We know its healthy to fight-though not like we did-and we learned some stuff from it so from here we just keep trying.

by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 5:03 PM
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Replies (1-10):
atlmom2
by Ruby Member on Apr. 1, 2013 at 5:15 PM
Sounds like you need counseling to change yourself.
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notjstasocermom
by Bronze Member on Apr. 1, 2013 at 5:20 PM
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sounds like you guys fight more than you are willing to admit.

enlightened_24
by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 5:21 PM

We are both supposed to be on medication and we are not so that makes it worse. He has always been as @$$ but now that we have kids I tell him to tone it down. I dont straight out call him an a-hole most of the time. He admits that he is though. I dont see how its wrong to tell him to quit acting that way. Especially around the kids and in public--I dont want my kids thinking its okay to tell cops they smell like bacon. He is over 30 and acts like a child which was fine when we were kids but now we HAVE kids...We have next to nothing in common but we are perfect opposites that usually compliment each other. This time we exploded instead.

LilliesValley
by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 5:22 PM
All you can do is communicate. A few days to mellow out and then deal with it. Dh affiliate and fight sometimes, we really try to not do it in front of dd but we do not call each other names. No bitch or ass hole. I may say fuck you but I won't call him an ass and he won't call me a bitch. He did that once when we were dating, said you're a fucking bitch. I threw a candle and phone at him. I also let him know the next day when he sobered up that if he ever called me names again I'd be gone. I wouldn't leave now over that but we fight fair. Ground rules.
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enlightened_24
by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 5:24 PM


We havent talked much since it happened. He has never talked to me like that. I am more hurt over his actions and words than the actual point he was trying to make.

Quoting LilliesValley:

All you can do is communicate. A few days to mellow out and then deal with it. Dh affiliate and fight sometimes, we really try to not do it in front of dd but we do not call each other names. No bitch or ass hole. I may say fuck you but I won't call him an ass and he won't call me a bitch. He did that once when we were dating, said you're a fucking bitch. I threw a candle and phone at him. I also let him know the next day when he sobered up that if he ever called me names again I'd be gone. I wouldn't leave now over that but we fight fair. Ground rules.



MamaSnaps
by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 5:49 PM
2 moms liked this

I'll tell you what to think about: what can you do differently? You can't change him, you can only change you. 

I'll tell you this much: If I lived with someone who called me an asshole-whether I was or not-I'd be twice the asshole on purpose. And then I'd just get out. NO ONE wants to live in a relationship where they are verbally abused.

You verbally put him down every day-but it's OK because he really is an ass? No, not really. There are days my dh is an ass and I don't like him much, but that never gives me the right to verbally abuse him. Let me put it a better way: My teenagers are often total asses in every way just like every teenager is. Does that give me a right to verbally abuse them and call them names? HELL NO! He is no different.

You said he never raises his voice and you never fight. He quietly takes you calling him an asshole every day and has never raised his voice back to you. Now you are hurt and put out because he finally broke before you could call him an ass. He doesn't have a chance to be anything other than an ass and why would he if you are going to call him one anyway? 

If you think he's such an ass why are you reproducing with him or even with him? You obviously don't like him, so... ??? 

Yeah, he f'd up and opened his mouth in public. Chances are he was as stressed as you were while you were there-or more by the sounds of it. Evidently he was being an ass at the event and you said something that embarrassed him and finally the dam broke. Unfortunate time and place. You absolutely deserve an apology for that outburst in public. What else do you want? Maybe you should be apologizing for the constant berating and pushing to the edge that he embarrassed both of you in public. Maybe you should apologize for constantly verbally abusing him instead of working constructiely and positively on the problems between you. 

SexyTeacher
by Gold Member on Apr. 1, 2013 at 6:29 PM
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This seems completely normal to me. I agree he shouldn't have screamed at you in public but.....Occasionally(1-2 year at most) we have a knock down, drag out fight. And I mean fight!!! Both of you need to apologize to the other. Plus see a doctor about changing meds.

enlightened_24
by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 6:36 PM

I have apologized for calling him an a-hole because I didnt realize I did it as much as he said. And when we were 18 it was fine...He apologized for going after me in public. IDK What to think about the bitch thing cos he was mad and maybe I was out of line but going after me because I refuse to break or bend rules was completely out of line. We both had our feeling hurt but at least he knew what to expect...I didnt know he thought that way about me and now I am in limbo...We obviously wont split but this is torture in itself.

nurse1997
by Member on Apr. 1, 2013 at 6:53 PM
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Relax doll shit happens get over it ;]  move on you both played a part in the fight put it behind you and dont let it happen again for awhile ha ha (me and my husband have been married 16 years we dont fight much either but we do once in a blue moon shit happens we move on ) ;]

nurse1997
by Member on Apr. 1, 2013 at 8:38 PM

He most likely dont think your a bitch he was mad  relax you are putting to much thought in to this doll  ;] Maybe you could lay off the asshole part a bit  thou ;] !!!

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